Potty Training Question - Merrimack,NH

Updated on February 17, 2011
R.H. asks from Merrimack, NH
8 answers

My almost three year old surprised me a few days ago and announced she wants to start using the potty and start wearing undies. Since then she's been in undies during the day and sitting on the potty several times throughout the day. She seems to get upset and/or scared when pee comes out and she jumps up off the potty after only doing one or two drops. I've been praising her for each attempt (not over the top though) but she just cant seem to squeeze out more than a few drops at a time. After about 5-6 hrs she cries for a diaper b/c she is so uncomfortable. we try a few more times and then I put the diaper on and she goes immediately. This is my first and only child, so I guess I'm just wondering if this sounds familiar/normal? Where do we go from here? continue to put her in underwear and keep practicing, day after day until it clicks? I think I should be pushing JUST A BIT because I know sometimes it helps to have someone gently nudging you along when you're trying to master a difficult skill, and getting frustrated along the way, yet I don't want to turn her off by pushing too much. How much is too much? So far I've just tried to be a cheerleader and let her lead the way. But maybe she needs more than that?

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

Keep being the cheerleader. "Performance" anxiety is common. Give her time, she will work through it.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

A trick from my mom - run water in the sink when she sits on the potty. It always worked for me!

And does she watch you in the bathroom? That can help.

Keep being encouraging and consistent.

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K.L.

answers from Redding on

I had a comment a few days ago to a similar question and will repost my answer just in case it helps you. It sure sounds like what we went thru too.. good luck!

I think we just went thru this exact thing with a 3 1/2 yr old. It was purely accidental but I think we figured out why she could sit and not ever go. After wearing diapers for so long I think she couldn't feel when she wet. I put her in panties and she knew to go into the bathroom when she felt she needed to go. Really she knew it all, but had never had a successful run.. She went 6 hours straight,running to the bathroom over and over, but by the time I got her up on the toilet, she didn't need to go. Then eventually she got to the bathroom and couldn't hold it, and peed her pants. It came gushing out, running down her legs, and puddled on the floor and her feet. She had the most shocked horrified look on her face! She screamed "Grama, what's all that water coming out of me?" It just really hit me that she had never felt that before and had no idea that's what happend when she wet her diapers. It was amazing once I explained to her that it was her urine coming out and that's what it was supposed to do and how it was what she should put in the toilet, she suddenly started to potty in the toilet! It's only been a month now but she's doing great! Staying dry all day, and most naps and night times too. I had potty trained a lot of kids when I had a day care but had never had this happen before. Somewhere in her head she just didn't know that was how it should work, and once she had the big puddle accident, it all clicked! So, put her in panties, and have a tea party and take the chance it might happen on the carpet. Also 2 1/2 might be a bit young to understand it all, but at least get rid of the diapers and pull ups and let her experience it.

I want to add to that also.. We did start using the small potty chair instead of the big toilet and that might have helped to get her legs in a more relaxed positon to let her go. Having her legs hanging and trying to hold onto the toilet,even when I held her, might not have been relaxing enough to get the flow going. I also had tried holding a diaper under her while she sat on the toilet and told her to go ahead and pee into it, with the plans of taking it out as she was going so she'd see how it went into the water. Someone had suggested that to me and I tried it a few times, but in the end, it was that one big puddle accident that did the trick for her. I guess it was scary and upsetting to her, but there wasn't much more I could have done at that point and it all turned out great in the end. I hope you gained some help from this.

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B.J.

answers from Kansas City on

Maybe cut a hole in the diaper and put her on the potty with it on?

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K.G.

answers from Burlington on

weird, but can you try pouring warm water over her lap while she is on the potty? Cleansing and gets her used to the sensation, and helps her relax to make things happen.

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B.W.

answers from Boston on

When my daughter was 2.25 years old, all her girl friends were doing potty training so I thought I should introduce her to potty training too. I bought her a new potty seat, got her books and asked her to start using the potty. I think that because she sees her friends using the potty, she wanted to be in as well. Three days after, she tells me she doesnt want to do it. So I thought the same thing you are, she just needs a little push, so I did and she backed away from the potty so much more when I did that.
All her friends were into it, she wasn't. I started thinking, probably I should push her some more, it didn't help at all. So I asked a preschool teacher I met and she said not to talk about it to her at all and so I didn't.
For several months, I didn't bug her on anything about the potty no matter what other mothers told me. I didn't suggest, talk about her friends using potty or anything to do with potty.
Two weeks after she turned 3, she woke up that morning and told me she is ready to use the potty. I was so excited for her. After she used the potty, she also added that she didn't want to use any of her diapers anymore. And so she didnt. Since that day, she only had an accident once. She never used a diaper again even at night time. She was using panties 24 hours a day.
I asked her a week later why she never wanted to use the potty before and her response to me was she didnt like hearing about other children potty training. And it hit me, I was so worried about me being a mother and how people thought of me as a mother that if my other mother friends were into something, I felt like I should be like them too, not thinking that our children are all different. I realized that my child will be ready when she is ready. Talking about her friends using the potty must have been such a pressure for her.
Since my child started using the potty, I started asking around how my friend's children are. My daughter is 3 months older than the other 3 girls. And I found out that all 3 girls are still using diapers at night and having accidents constantly and they've been potty training for almost 10 months now. While my child stop using diapers all at once and only had one accident since then.
Sure enough, when the other 3 girls turned 3, they also stopped having accidents and one by one stop using diapers.
There are things we can nudge them into doing, but there are some things like their bodily functions should be left alone. Children know when they will be ready.
I hope your child isn't feeling any pressure from anyone.

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J.H.

answers from Boston on

I haven't had the issue with pee, but my son was very nervous about pooping on the toilet when we started to potty train. He would know he had to go, run to the toilet, then as soon as he started to go he would tell me he was done and get down. I stayed patient with him, but knew that the longer he waited the harder it was going to be to go. So the next time he went to the toilet and told me he was done before going I told him that it was ok to let his poopy out, that poopy came out of his bum and if he didn't let it out it was going to give him a belly ache. I stayed in front of him and rubbed his legs and made up this silly song about poopy in his belly needing to come out. He was so interested in the song that he relaxed and forgot about being scared of pooping and went! It has been 4 months now, and he still asks for the poopy song sometimes when he gets nervous about going.

I think it is good for you to continue to encourage her, see if you can find out what about it is scaring her and make it "safe" for her to go.

Good luck!

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

The hole in the diaper works for some kids. Start with a small hole, and then cut it a little bigger over several days. Let your daughter see what you're doing, and tell her it will help her feel better about peeing on the potty. It probably will.

I'd let her lead the process at whatever speed is comfortable for her. She sounds pretty motivated, just a bit rattled by the change in sensation. Pushing, especially while she's anxious or uncomfortable, is likely to slow the process down.

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