Pregnant and Need More Support from Husband! I Feel like He's Not There.

Your husband seems young. He couldn't wait to get out of your house and go out w/ his friends. That worries me. I don't love this whole bachelor party thing. I don't think he should go. He is a married man with one child and one on the way. He needs to be responsible and stay home with you and your child. He is way too eager to get out of the house. You two need marriage counseling. Good luck.

Mostly, your being hormonal. I know that it doesn't feel this way right now, you feel like when you cry it is valid and even if you weren't prego you would cry anyways. NOt TRUE. I would let him go with his friends, It's not "normal for married men to go out all night/ out of town to have fun" However this is not a normal occation. Girls get the wedding, Guys get the bachelor party.
If your really scared to stay the night by yourself and you don't have any family or friends you could stay the night with, Stay at a hotel. But a nice one, don't go to one that's going to make you even more frightened.
Don't feel to bad for going off on him. I cried one time when my I asked my husband to make a drink and he told me that he will not always be there and I need to not depend on him so much. Yeah, I balled for over an hour!!!!
Have a serious talk with him and tell him that because you are so emotional that to prevent situations like this, ask him to be nicer to you. Have him go to the dr. with you, dr. will let him know whats up.

I think you are probably pretty hormonal at this point and that means your emotions are all over the place. That's not something men can understand, because, well, they're men. I would sit down and try to have a calm rational conversation with him and explain how it feels to have him change plans at the last minute. However, I would also cut him some slack if this is a one-time thing and not a on-going pattern. Honestly, if I was married to someone that kept crying about stuff and getting all emotional all the time and accusing me of being insensitive, I would need a break and going out to a bachelor party with a bunch of guys is probably just the break he needs. So let him go and either that night, or another time, do something nice for yourself. I love my hubby dearly, but I don't expect him to meet my every emotional need at every moment. Even when I was preggo. And sometimes he has screwed up royally, but I forgive him. Your husband IS there, and I'd like to believe that he is doing the best he can.

hon, you know that this is mostly pregnancy hormones. i don't think that every emotion a pregnant woman has should be dismissed as 'hormonal' but you are aware (good for you!) that this time it may well be the case.
your husband is trying to be there for you and take care of you, and you have to accept his actions for what they are and not zero in on the occasional annoyed expression and obsess over that. it's really hard to deal with someone whose emotions are all over the map. i'm so glad that the two of you talk to each other about this and allow each other a little space.
bear in mind that your husband didn't manufacture this bachelor party to get away from you, it's something that came up after your mutual decision for him to get some more time for himself.
that being said, it wasn't especially considerate of him to make the decision to go without discussing it with you. certainly he doesn't need to ask your permission, but since you have expressed your discomfort with being home alone and you have another child to care for, it would have been nice if he had let you have some say in it.
i do think it's fine for married men to get away for all nighters from time to time and have fun alone. i think all humans need it. rather than preventing him from doing so, i think you should cultivate some fun escape adventures for yourself. everyone in your family benefits when the parents (particularly mom) has a little 'just me' time.
but i would have a pow-wow with the DH over the way he did it this time. i suggest being sweet and accommodating about his jaunt, but be firm that you would be much happier if he would discuss these things with you rather than just presenting you with a decision accompli.
and......do try not to yell. it's hard for anyone to be agreeable when they're getting yelled at.
good luck, and try to enjoy your pregnancy!
khairete
S.

I agree that it sounds to me like maybe you need to make some girlfriends. You said you have no one to go out with, and every woman needs a few friends that she can go have lunch with, or to a movie, or just hang out at home with. Is there family nearby you could stay with for a night while he goes out?
We women complain about the hormones and aches and pains during pregnancy....but men are fixers. They want to solve every problem...and these aren't problems that can be fixed. So it stresses the men out. Not to mention all the worries that daddies have about finances, protecting their families, etc...he DOES need to get away once in a while. And there are exceptions to every rule. Yes, normally he would be home at 2, but this IS a special occasion and he should be able to go. He SHOULD have talked to you first and you can talk to him about that, but he's not doing this to be mean or insensitive to you. He just wants to support his friend on this one night. Perhaps you can set some ground rules with him. Like...that he calls you a couple of times to check on you, that you know where he is at all times and he lets you know if they are heading to a different bar/restaurant, etc...and that he's home at a certain time the next day.
Then, if you can't go stay with someone or have someone come stay with you, have yourself a girls night in for yourself. Take a bath, watch sappy movies, eat junk food, whatever you want. Maybe see if your 3 year old can stay with someone....grandparents, an aunt or uncle, etc...so you can really indulge yourself in a night of pampering. My husband just had a guys night out with his brother out of town. I gave the kids to my in-laws for the night and had myself a wonderful party for one! This doesn't have to be a bad thing...and you may find you like having a little alone time and realize you CAN do it and it is ok. It doesn't need to become a habbit, but I don't see anything wrong with him going out for a night once or twice a year. Remember he's coming home to YOU.

Hormones SUCK!!! Guys don't know what to do with hormonal women, even when we tell them what to do...Yelling is not the answer. I'm glad he was calm and hopefully he can understand that your emotions go from Alsaka to Mexico in no time flat... I would talk to him about not consulting you before saying he would go to the party but I would still let him go. Next time something comes up that is like this, he has to make sure that he consults you first. in the meantime, you don't like to be home alone, why? I don't like to be home alone but I know why and I get over it and try not to let it be a big deal. It's not my hubby's fault that I don't like to be alone at night, nor is it his responsibility to be at home every night because I get scared. It sounds like your hubby is there for you most of the time. I think he is confused and maybe tired from the emotions, I know its tiring to be pregnant, so Im sure its tiring having to deal with the irrational beings we become. Let him go and I would stay home and watch a movie, have a bath, and go to bed early so that I could get all the sleep I could. One night is not a big deal, if it becomes a habit, then do something more about it. If this party were a social, I'm sure he would take you, but this is a guys only gig.. Try to roll with it and enjoy your time at home alone, its rare.

It sounds like he needs to get away for a bit and relax at this point. That being said, he really should have consulted you about it. Especially since you had an agreement. At this point I would give in gracefully and let him go with one stipulation: that in return, you get a day all to yourself where he watches the kids. Take yourself shopping for a new outfit, to the spa for a massage/new hair, whatever will relax you. If he doesn't want you to spend any money or doesn't want to be by himself all day, point out the double standard. If he truly needs some fun time for him that's great, but it's not fair unless you get some too.

You may also point out to him that his life will probably be easier if you get a break from your stress to unwind a bit.

Prego hormones suck. I don't think there is anything wrong with your hubby going out to have fun without you. If this was a pattern, then I would be more worried, but it sounds like a special occasion and he really tries to be there for you. I think that guys sometime get the raw end of the deal, we always say that they dont get pregnancy and hormones, but we don't understand that they have to deal with something they cant fix and if they are like my hubby that drives them crazy to see us upset and can't do a thing about it. That being said he should of given you more warning. As for the alone overnight, I hate it too, but we are big girls and mom's so we can make it. I found that sleeping with my phone by the bed helps. Try not to worry and enjoy some you time after your 3 year old goes to sleep. Make a fun night for the 2 of you while he is gone. Again I am sorry that the hormones are making things so rough for you. Good luck and best of wishes.

its his bachlor party cut him some slack once. if he makes a habit it becomes a problem. but your probably just hormonal on your part. find someone to go to a motel with you the next weekend and stay out all night and have fun. :) paybacks suck.

Stop putting all your happiness on your husband's shoulders. Remember that men are wired differently. Girls like to talk about their feelings and experiences with each other, don't freak out if they see each other cry, etc. Couples are not supposed to boss each other around and give each other permission to do reasonable things. Women should not make rules for their husband and then cry that they are breaking them. Moms of teenaged sons tell them to call when they are coming home and to be home by a certain time or they are going to get in trouble. Reverse in your mind. Let's say you are going to a bachelorette party, your husband keeps calling you during the party, you have to leave before the party is over because it is your curfew and your husband can't emotionally handle you being gone. Is this fair and/or attractive? Or does it make you feel smothered and controlled? Just trying to help you, not be mean. I know it is no fun to be hormonal, but there are surely lots of nice women that would find you sooo fun to hang out with and talk about pregnancy with that you would enjoy too.

Not so for men.

Hope you feel better!

PS I don't think you are appreciating your husband nearly enough. You can't be mad by the "looks" on his face when he is trying really hard to take care of you and wants one break.

ugh I feel for you! my husband did the same kind of stuff to me when i was preggo. it hurts alot. i think he should respect that you dont want to be home alone until 2am. men certainly dont know how it feels to be preggo! i really dont have any advice except for sitting him down and talking to him n telling him that you dont like him going out til 2 am close by, and especially not in another state all night. if he doesnt change his mind about going, i would definately find someone to hang out with that night. hugs.

Hi M.,

I think you should work really hard at finding yourself a couple 'girlfriends'. This can open a world of possibilities for you to have your own life and fun - you can trade childcare, you can do things together with your kids and you can go out with them kid-free as adults etc.

Mostly it will take the pressure off having your husband be 'everything' to you.

I don't think it's normal for married men to go out all night/out of town to have fun, alone - but this is a bachelor party - not a monthly guy roadtrip to vegas. yes, he should go. If you don't feel comfortable spending the night alone then get a friend/relative to come and stay with you.

Hormones suck.

Good luck.

Sighhh . . .
If/when he comes back, get some counseling for the two of you.
And, if you don't want to be home alone while he is gone,
can you stay w/your mom? a friend? a cousin?
He shouldn't go.
But apparently he's going anyway.
You shouldn't yell.
But you did.
There's no question here of "normal" or "not normal".
The two of you are who you are
and you're each doing what you're doing.
You probably both need some coaching on communication
and empathy and how to be supportive of one another.
Good luck.

First of all you are pregnant and very emotional anyways, so be sure to keep that in mind when you are feeling guilty. You just cannot help it. = )

I do not think it is necessary for any married person to stay out until 2 am. Now that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen once and a while. You get out with some friends and get talking and lose track of time, however, there really is a lot of single happenings that time of night. It just seems extreme. That being said, I have never limited my husband and going out with his buddies. I wouldn't want him limiting me, we just make sure we communicate what may be happening or stay in touch throughout the night so we don't worry.

As far as staying out all night... NO WAY if it is in town. There is no excuse unless there was too much drinking involved and even then they can take a cab. As far as a trip out of town, I would totally let him do that. I have even taken trips with my girlfriends to the mountains for a girls weekend - whatever. That is perfectly fine.

I think why you are feeling so hurt is he said he understood your fear of being home alone all night and would not do that to you. You do have a right to be hurt by that. I would however try to step back and realize that he has a friend moving into the married life and wants your husband to share in the celebration. He is not trying to be vindictive, he just wanted his buddy to come. Your husband certainly wants to celebrate with his friend and probably just doesn't understand how it would affect you.

All that being said, I would have a rational conversation with your husband telling him why you felt so sad and upset about his leaving. I would also tell him to go and enjoy his friend.

This leaves you with the uncertainty of being home alone all night. Call a friend or loved one to come stay the night with you or maybe you can go stay the night over there. Take the time to enjoy yourself and not stress.

Good luck and remember the emotional side of you goes away after the baby is born and try not to read too much into your husband's expressions. No one can ever be so amazing they can read someone's mind. He may have had that look because he feels helpless when it comes to your emotions and doesn't know what to do to make you feel better. Just let it be and don't take it personal.

I think its sad that he communicated with you the way he did, but going out and having fun from time to time I think is a very normal and natural thing. I think that he should have told you sooner, and should have asked rather than told for sure. I have two kids, 18mos and 5, and am also pregnant with our third and he is going to a bachlor party in Vegas for four days in about a month. Then again, he asked, we talked about it, and we often take one weekend "boys" or "girls" only trip without each other just about every year.

We all have the emotional ups and downs while being pregnant. But your husband probably thinks he is doing everything he suppose for you but if you want more then you need to sit down and talk. You need to have that open communication with your husband, so you need to tell him everything that is going on, what you want from him and try to work through this. Yeah, married men shouldn't stay out all night but this is his way of dealing with his problems. If you are really that scared to stay home alone, then you need to find a way to do it alone. He may one day get a job where he would have to leave for days and he can't tag along. Maybe you put a TV on all night or radio that will distract you from whatever you are scared of. Maybe if you had a friend that could come over and stay to help you. I really suggest you guys talk out your feelings and tell him what you would like him do for you while being pregnant. Good luck.