Several weeks ago my son (teenage) ended a year long relationship with a girl due to her decision to date someone else during their relationship. She "changed" her mind after going out with the boy but my son was hurt and didn't want to continue the relationship.
She is now hacking her way through every account he has...actually soliciting his friends on accounts and asking them to hack his accounts for her (fortunately they have been contacting him to let him know)...tracking him down to see who he's talking to...hacking into his email accounts and transferring them to herself (he got those reset)...the list goes on.
He has spent hours resetting every account out there...we think everything is covered at this point but who knows if she bypasses and goes to a friend or moderator.
When does this go from a let them work it out situation to a get the police involved situation? This is getting absolutely ridiculous.
Thanks for your input.
Nicole - THANK YOU! Great advice about the preferences.
Notes:
Thank you for all of the honest and well thought out advice.
Yes, I know her grandparents and we have discussed this with them. I believe they are trying to correct the situation on their end.
Unfortunately dumping off the computer completely is not an option. He's very computer techy and has businesses running as well as just his ordinary "chat" stuff like Facebook. We're not really concerned about the social part. We are concerned if it impacts the business side of things.
His friends have been totally supportive of him and have contacted him immediately when she's contacted them. That's how he knew so quickly that it was happening.
Yes, what she is doing is hacking. She's never had permission to be on his personal sites even while dating. She is going in without his permission. She is contacting people with dishonest information. She is using his personal information without his permission. I would call that hacking. And, yes, we have proof.
We do have friends at the police department. If it continues any further, we will file a report.
Thanks again!
I would contact the police non-emergency line. What she is doing sounds like it skirts the line of illegal. If you are on speaking terms and have any proof of her actions, ask the police if you should approach the parents first and let them address it, or if it's a bring the police in to have the conversation. Hacking is a crime. Her petty little butt needs a kicking.
When you say accounts, just social media and email accounts or financial/credit accounts. If the first, call her parents. This isn't illegal - just a pain in the tookas. :)
If the latter, call the police - it is illegal.
Sounds like she could be working on a stalking charge. Talk to your son (you say he's a teen but is that 13 or is that 18?). Especially if he is 17/18, see what he would like to do....talk to her parents? talk to the police? If he is 13/14/15/16 I would talk to your son first but then go to her parents and have a sit down with them (and maybe even her). Put them all on notice that you next step is to have a conversation with the police.
Tell them "We are not here about their break up, that was his decision based on her actions and it's over and done with. We are now here because your daughter is accessing his accounts, harassing his friends, and boardering on stalking our son. She needs to let go now before we have no choice but to talk to the police".
She's ventured into stalking. Talk to the police and find out what your options are. You don't have to press charges just to talk to them.
She's got problems and she needs to be stopped. With verification, the police may decide to pay a visit to her parents and have a little discussion without pressing charges, but she's got to get some help and you and your son need protection before she escalates.
Reporting her could be the best thing for all involved.
She just knows his passwords or is getting them from someone else. Your son just needs to change them all and not share with anyone. Once she cannot get in she will move on. She is hurt and does not know how to properly deal with it. Maybe have one of his friends send her an email telling her to stop because it could be seen as stalking but I don't think getting the police involved is appropriate. She is going to feel stupid enough once she gets past this.
Oh and have him set his Facebook to private too.
Call her parents. Tell them you've and he have been patient, you understand how hard she's taking this. But computer hacking is both a state and federal crime. You and your son are both out of patience. One more hacking instance - or even asking someone to help, will get a call to the police.
And then do it.
Mom:
By "hacking" do you mean getting into his account(s) and changing his password? E-mailing other people, what? To "hack" means to get into someone else's account and change passwords, send e-mails, etc.
Do you have any proof that she is doing this? Any notifications with an IP address that you can take to the police to show as proof.
If you know her parents - since they were dating for a year - I would HOPE you know her parents....talk with them. Let them know what you feel she is doing. Let them know you plan on making a report to the police if she doesn't stop.
Then I would have him make his passwords stronger - alpha numeric - with a character and capital letter, for example:
4_Me2Know
3Kids4Me&You
NOT his date of birth
NOT his name
NOT his dog's name
You get it - right? Things that she won't know about him.
Change all of his security questions as well.
Ensure the firewalls on your computers (I assume you have a network) are up and working. You can make a spreadsheet for the passwords - you put hints ONLY YOU and HE would know - not the actual passwords so if the network is compromised, she can't get into everything.
You and he need to report this to the police. Call the non-emergency number and file a report.
Personally? I would have him close all of his accounts - facebook, twitter, e-mail, etc and not re-open them until she is stopped. I know. I know. I know. He should not have to stop living his life because of her. I get it.
However, does he NEED them? No. He does not. He WANTS them.
If he is going to have an account? He needs to make sure ALL of his friends are people he knows personally. Let them know he has a "stalker" and she is trying to get into his life.
Good luck. If you have proof - print it out, take pictures, etc. talk to her parents and then the police. Make sure he changes ALL of his passwords.
Tell him to change all his passwords to something new. My guess is that she didn't hack the accounts but over the year of their togetherness, she discovered the passwords on her own or has weaseled them from their mutual "friends". He probably has one main one he's used over multiple accounts even though every security expert everywhere says not to for just this reason. Your solution may be as simple as "changing the locks" now that she's out of the house.
Make sure the new passwords are tough new passwords. Don't use any dictionary words. Use a mix of capital and lower case letters, and throw some numbers and symbols in there for good measure. Nothing she could ever guess.
He'll also have to scour his preferences and expunge her email address from any forward lists so his mail won't be blindly forwarded to her even if he changes his passwords. Meaning he'll get a copy and she'll get one too without him knowing.
If he really wants a clean slate he could always just open new accounts under a different user name and then he'd be sure there was no residual ex-girlfriend lurking around in the shadows.
If she gets into the accounts again after he's updated the passwords to something incomprehensibly hard and/or opened new accounts completely, then she is truly hacking and not just logging in semi-legitly using a discovered password, and you should go to the authorities to put a stop to it.
Now. contact the police liason through your school ASAP This can damage his future credit, as well as other possibilities.
I feel like you are not using the word hacking properly. Knowing someone's passwords is not hacking. If he has given her enough information to gain that level of access against his will you need to sit down and have a talk with him about poor judgment.
How old are these kids?
You can call the police, by the way their number is not 911, any time you want and they will tell you where the line is that they will actually respond. The 911 comment is not implying you would do that but you would be shocked how many times people call 911 because they are too lazy to look up the actual number.
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Looking at your what happened, using information that was given to her is not hacking, he gave it to her, he should have changed it when they broke up. Hacking is taking it through illegal means, not using legally obtained information without permission. The police will tell him the same thing.
Also if he used the same passwords for a business venture, or shared those with her, that is just stupid.
I wouldn't wait to file a report with the police and see if they advise pressing charges. What she's doing is illegal. She's also stalking, but you need to start a trail with the police in order to establish any sort of credibility with that if you end up needing to take her to court and get a restraining order.
Document absolutely everything. Screen cap everything.
Sounds like someone needs to go on the major offensive with her and threaten her in no uncertain terms about her stalking and harassment if she doesn't stop. She sounds seriously crazy. He should not have any work or inconvenience because of her actions. The fact that he is having to change passwords is enough headache. Report her by whatever means and let the grandparents know you intend to step up the "no more Mr Nice guy" actions on your son's part. She wants attention from him. If I was able, and I had all the proper proof in alignment, I'd get a scary rep to talk to her on his behalf: his dad, a cop, a school official.
Getting into exclusive relationships too early is a common teen problem.
As a teen (and maybe into early 20's) you SHOULD be playing the field so you figure out what you do and don't like in a relationship before you narrow it down to who you'd like to grow old with for the rest of your life.
No one should commit to going steady (not seeing others) for a very long time.
Perhaps the girl should have been given a 2nd chance but in this case, the behavior of stalking and hacking after the breakup would be a total deal breaker as far as I was concerned.
I wouldn't need that kind of insanity in my future life/spouse.
It's the quality of spite that makes this one undesirable.
And if some of his other friends are participating in the hacking, these are friends he needs to get rid of - for the same reason.
As far as your son's accounts goes - if he's spending hours resetting everything - he's got too many.
He needs to shut some/most down till he's got a more manageable situation and then not let that get out of control again - no sharing passwords, and being careful who his friends are.
Better he learn about this now instead of learning about it during a messy divorce.
I'm sure your son has nothing to hide-and I think he needs to let her know this and the fact that he is free to talk to anyone he wants, see anyone he wants and live with his options open to make new friends and not be bogged down by some crazy ex girlfriend who thought she could break his heart by dating someone else, then come running back-let her know-she is not in control. Besides, high school is way too young to get serious about anyone.
I'd call the police and have them pay her a visit. What she is doing IS illegal, and this behavior can dangerously escalate. I'm not saying you should have her hauled off to the pokey, but the crazy needs a serious warning.
Also, my security answers have NOTHING to do with the questions. If the question is "the state you were born" I might put something like san diego zoo. (I've never done that one, but you get the idea.) Just crazy answers that I will remember, but no one else will know. He should have a different (and by different, I mean very different) password for each account. Each password should have numbers and capital and lower case letters.
I don't think she's "hacking" his accounts. She probably just knows his passwords. (Here's hoping this teaches him how open NOT to be in the future!)
She's trying to get information from his friends.
I'll be she gets bored of distracted soon.
I'd say if it continues for 6 months--involve the police.
