Question About Breastfeeding or Not?!

Wow. That is quite a dilemma. Honestly, I don't think anyone can truly help you make a choice. As someone who breastfeed an infant for short amount of time, I would say there is no harm in stopping now. In the end, I honestly don't see a difference in babies who have been breastfeed for 6 months or 6 years! Some milk is very beneficial--no one can deny that. You've already given your daughter beneficial antibodies from the breastfeeding that you've done. There will be lots of people who will say extended breastfeeding (over one year) is optimal. But from experience, there is no difference among children who were breastfed a short amount of time vs extended periods of time. And please, don't think that you are short changing you daughter with regard to IQ or anything of that sort. Research shows that breastfed babies tend to have higher IQ's not from breastfeeding itself but from the fact that breastfeeding mothers have higher IQs than the general public so it's not a matter of breastfeeding, but rather genetics!

I think your going to get alot of different responses on this. We all know breast milk is best but sometimes it's just doesn't work out. I tried breast feeding with both my kids and each time stopped after a month for various reasons. I think you've done a remarkeable job by going as long as 6 months and you should be very proud of that accomplishment. If you choose to stop now I think you could look back and say you did the best for your daughter and should have no guilt about moving to formula for another 6 months. Good luck

Again, this is a very personal decision, but just to add some info....if you continue to nurse your daughter, she continues to get the antibodies you produce. This means, if she gets sick, you are exposed to it, you produce antibodies...thus, she gets better faster as your milk is helping her immune system fight off the disease.

You have given her a great start. But also think about this...what will be the cost of formula over the next 6 months? And how much money will you get? Is it enough to cover the formula and have enough leftover for you to feel like it was worthwhile to give up your nursing relationship? I found that nursing a older baby/toddler to be much more enjoyable and a much bigger bonding experience than nursing a young infant ever was.

You can almost always get your milk production back up if you are committed to it. Nurse/pump more, drink more water, eat oatmeal, take fenugreek. Take a little "nursing vacation" where you and baby are just lazy for a few days and lay in bed with lots of skin to skin contact. Also, when my son was older I found it to be such a blessing when he would get sick, even when he had absolutely NO appetite, he still wanted to nurse. Even when he was throwing up everywhere, he still wanted to nurse and he was still getting some benefit/nutrition from it. Where as with a formula fed baby all you could do is give pedialyte (if they will drink it) and hope they stay hydrated.

Everyone of course will have their own opinion, but just wanted to give you a couple ideas from the "keep nursing camp" LOL to think about.

I think it's wonderful that you are willing and able to help another family like this. You've received a lot of great information about breastfeeding, cost of formula and so on, but I'm wondering about the effects of the hormones in the first year postpartum. That seems like kind of a risk to me, since the postpartum year is already a bit of a rollercoaster for a lot of women.

In any case, I don't think either decision is an awful thing to do as long as you feel good about it. Good luck.

J.,

I believe strongly that you have to do what is right for your daughter before you do what you believe is right for anyone else. I am a very strong believer in breastfeeding as I breastfed my now two year old son for the first 19 months of his life. If you can stick with it for at least one year the beneifits to your child will last a life time. Please don't sacrific those benefits to your child for anyone else. There is plenty of time later to help this couple who wants to use donor eggs.

When my son started eating solid food my milk supply decreased a lot since he wasn't breastfeeding as much. I explained the problem to my son's pediatrician and he recommended that I take the herbal suppliment called Fenogreek (not sure if I spelled it correctly.) I followed his advice and it really worked. I took the first one at night and by morning my boobs were extremely full, like they would get when he was a newborn! Anyway, I wish you and your friends the best.

J.

Obviously, it is up to you but my personal feeling is that this is the only time you will be able to do this in your daughter's life. Once you are done, you're done. I totally understand the aspect of $ helping now but I'm sure there will be other people to donate your eggs to in the future. I understand insurance of the couple you have in mind is going to run out but they have a chance of finding anther donor. As I said, this is the only time in your child's life she will be this age.

It is a very personal decision. I'd have to be sure I'd not feel guilty later for cutting it at 6 months. Guilty comes bach to hunt you... I nursed my two kids for a year because I wanted to do it. My sister is pediatrician and she says 6 months is good enough if you can't do any longer. Fortunatelly, a good baby formula brand would fill her dietitian needs well, but what about you, your husband and your daughter? Is it one thing she asks for (because some babies are very attached to the nursing routine)? And your husband, does he support you no matter what?

You have already had a number of responses that show that people tend to feel very strongly about the breastfeeding subject. Personally, I don't think your decision is really going to be about money, since buying formula will probably cost you more than what you will get for donating your egg. I am not sure what you get for donating an egg but I can tell you formula is expensive.

Before telling you my thoughts on your predicament, I will tell you my goal with breastfeeding was to make it to 6 months exclusivly breastfeeding, and I did, but barely. I almost gave up a number of times (I was working full time and pumping, which got old very quickly). But then when I made it to 6 months I started feeling guilty about wanting to stop. I did some research and it seems that the first 6 months is really the most important time to be breastfeeding and a lot of the benefits diminish at that point. I didn't have a reason as compelling as yours, I was just tired (my daughter was still waking to eat at least twice a night) and sick of pumping. So I very slowly started supplementing formula. At 9 months she was still basically getting one bottle of formula a day sometimes 2 if daycare didn't have enough, and then I stopped pumping and things moved quickly towards no more breastfeeding.

So I can understand your frustration, but I think your decision has to be whether you want to continue breastfeeding or not. I don't think the egg donation can really play that big of a factor in your decision. Plus, why would they end their insurance at the end of the year if they are trying to get pregnant? I am not sure I believe them on that, they may just be trying to pressure you into making a decision. Again, that shouldn't matter though, it has to be about what you want to do.

Good Luck.

Stopping breastfeeding is hard for any reason. When I had to stop breastfeeding my twins at 2 weeks ( because of a medical issue which required meds) I felt sad and depressed, but I got past that. My older daughter I stopped breastfeeding at 3 months and she is the healthiest one in the family.

I would say that if you are torn about the issue, then keep breastfeeding. I realize you want to help another couple have a child, but you have to do what you feel is best for you and your daughter.
As a mom you will always feel guilty about everything, so do not let anyone else make you feel that way.

You have to do what feels right in your heart for you and your family. At 6mo your baby has had the best possible nutrition and it does make a difference making it to 1 year. It prevents so many things and it is so much better for your baby. It's your decision, do what's best for you and your family.

Jillan:

you certainly are facing a tough decision/ there are always benefits to breastfeeding - not just from the milk but from the physical relationship.

are you sure that the hormones are contraindicated while breastfeeding?

there is a local company that assists parents with the insurance issues of this type.

P., RLC, IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc

Fortunately or unfortunately this is not a topic which most mothers lay low about. I am sure you will get a slew of mothers who feel guilty they didn't or couldn't breastfeed as long as they would have wanted to or could've but I will tell you this is a very basic question you are asking. I know you feel conflicted about the money and the "kindness" you would like to do for another family but...WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN FAMILY COMING FIRST?? If you pay for formula, on a more practical level you will definitely be paying more for the formula than if you breastfeed and I doubt less than what you are making off the donor (unless its more than an average amount I've seen advertised) and why do it anyway? Your daughter loses out no matter what, and so do you, believe it or not. Breastfeeding is way way way more meaningful and enjoyable after the first year. I can tell you, been there and done that. The first year is very hard and frustrating on many levels. After that year things get so easy and pleasant and honestly, kids rarely get sick for a long time on breast milk. No matter what any mother will tell you. My friends kids all get sick all the time and my daughter who's 26 months and nursing has thank G-d never been sick yet. She has had the sniffles once or twice but that was after shots and it lasted overnight and was gone by the next day. Just because one does not see the immediate or blatant impact lack of breastfeeding has on a baby not breastfed or breastfed short term, does NOT mean that there is not a HUGE difference in their development. With a masters in early childhood and teaching for many years in special ed as well, I can give you a mile long list of why breastfeeding benefits a ton after the 6 month mark, after the year mark, and beyond. The longer you can do it, keep at it. Do not slight your daughter for someone else's child to be. You are not doing anyone favors by doing so. Only you can care for her in the way you have done these past 6 months. You have done an awesome thing, and please do her justice by continuing to give her what's right. Good luck and if you need more research info on what I am saying or anyone else is saying, please feel free to call a LeLeche leader (on their website) or a lactation consultant at a local hospital and they would be happy to give you all the information out there why the choice to continue BF is best.

Every family is different and unique and what works for one family may not be good for another family. This is why you need to make your decision independent of what other people say. You will have one side trying to convince you that if you stop breastfeeding that you're an awful, selfish mother while the other side will try to convince you that you shouldn't feel guilty for switching to formula. Because of each family's needs and differences, I don't think it's my place to try and make you feel badly about whatever you choose to do.

If I were in this position, I would sit down with my husband and make a list of all the pros and cons about both sides of the issue - and I'm sure there are many pros and cons for each. I'd weigh the two and determine what is the best for my family, given our current situation.

No matter what you decide, no one should make you feel guilty nor should you make yourself feel guilty about it. Best wishes with your tough decision.

I won't tell you what to do because this sounds like a very personal and also financial decision. But the facts are there, breastfeeding is best no matter what others will have you believe. You've done more breastfeeding then the majority of American mothers so be proud of yourself but there are tons of benefits from extended breastfeeding. Don't let people tell you otherwise. There is a reason the World Health Organization recommends it for 2 years and the American Academy of Pediatrics for one year but I think that they are changing their opinion to 2 years also. It would be an incredible gift to give an infertile couple a baby though and I'm sure your daughter will be proud of you when she's older. Check into the hormones they give you though, and see if maybe there are safe ones to take while continueing to nurse. Good luck with your decision and know that whatever you decide, someone is benefitting, whether you and your daughter or this other couple.