Relocate No Matter What the Toll?

J.:

At that level - they can object all they want. If one was a junior in HIGH SCHOOL??? then yeah - I would stop and consider. Elementary and middle? No.

This is about the family success - not just ONE. This is about long-term goals. NOT immediate goals. Long term. Tell them that their feelings and opinions matter - but in this case - while you have considered their feelings, the long term goals and success of the family take precedence...

It would be hard but I think in today's economy I would have to go with my job and relocate. I would do everything I could to make it easier on my kids but with Facebook and the internet they will be able to keep in touch with old friends. Yes - money isn't everything but you still have to make a living.

I would make the decision with my wife or husband and not let the kids objections influence the decision. They are more flexible than they think. I had to move many times growing up, would not have voted to move, wasn't asked and did fine. When I look back I didn't get that lifetime friendship from being in one school all my life but I did learn about other parts of the country, see what people live like in different states, made friends there and still keep in touch with some miles across the country. That's my opinion. I would guess I am in the minority though these days. Didn't read all the other answers.

Hi J.-

Speaking as an army brat (my parents moved 28 times in my father's 32 year career) and as former army spouse, I always looked at a move as a wonderful adventure. I feel I am much more outgoing and assertive as a result of many moves...and I have a broad circle of friends as a result.

I would not let the kids influence what really IS an adult decision. I would present a move (once a firm decision is made by the adults) as a wonderful opportunity, adventure and learning experience for all.

Just my thoughts/experience

Best Luck!
michele/cat

It wouldn't matter at all. It is my job to provide for my family and their job to be provided for. No one said we had to be happy about it.

When I went back to college that was a huge toll on my family. The older two were the only two I consulted with but only because they were old enough to see the big picture. Kids don't see the big picture, they just can't, all the see is the here and now, the friends they will lose, how hard it will be to make new friends. Guess I am saying they are incapable of making rational decisions so they don't get a say. I am mean like that.

Funny thing is though, after it is all said and done they will tell you it wasn't that bad.

Am I an absolutely horrible person in that the children's objection would not really weigh at all?
To me the important things would be....
Where are we moving to? Can our family handle the weather? Is the school district good? How far would we be from extended family? What am I going to do with all the extra money?
Kids adjust. Mine sure have. They will figure out how to go to a new school, make new friends, find new hobbies. Military kids move a lot, kids whose parents find new jobs move, after divorce they move, after a death they move. It's just a part of life. Your kids would be fine.
L.

The reality of life, kids, is that you don't make family decisions. The reality of life, kids, is that sometimes change is good. I completely understand that you have friends and the thought of leaving them makes you sad. Thanks to modern technology, you can maintain those friendships, and thanks to your talent and winning personality, you will make tons of new friends.

Basically what it comes down to for me is that Americans as a whole are FAR TOO INDULGENT of their children and allow the kids to run THE PARENTS. Not to completely discount their feelings, but really? The parents make the decision and the kids suck it up, period. When it comes to real life decisions, they won't be able to throw fits and get their own way. Learn to deal with the hard stuff, Junior.

Hmmm, this is me not Overthinking It.

Could be an ADVENTURE, right?

:)

Here is the deal, we are the parents and we make the decisions. If they object to it fine but that is not a deal breaker.

We did just this about 7 years ago when we moved back to Houston. Our daughter was a starting her Junior year in High School and our son was starting 7th grade. We were not the most popular people in the world but it was for the betterment of the family that we move to Houston. My husband's company offered him this opportunity and we took it gladly. Actually, we never thought of not moving because of the kids. To me, it is what it is.

I moved every 2 to 3 years with my family. My parents never asked us if we wanted to move it was "hey guess what"? We are moving to Rio de Janiero, Brazil" or "hey guess what, we are moving to Cleveland, Oh." Yay!

So yes, I would move even if the kids weren't happy because hey I did! =)

We'd not let our kids' views impact the decision--they don't usually understand what is best for the family. Sometimes more money is what is best. If we were having trouble paying our bills while also saving for the future, and a better opportunity came our way, we'd be gone, as long as the new location wasn't significantly more expensive, thereby eating up the pay increase.

I am assuming you already live far away from their grandparents and cousins, etc., or that'd surely be a consideration too, right?

J., the kids will deal. Change builds character. :)

I would look at all the issues. The finances to benefit the family and the ability to save for retirement and college and better school system. The ages of the children would be considered but would not change my decision as they can adapt. What you are doing is for the whole family and the children will grow up and move away and then it is the two of you.

My thought would be to plan for the long run (retirement) and go with the move. People come and go in life even when we want them to stay. This is a lesson on who to cope with change and that change is the only constant in life. When children graduate high school and college they do not keep in contact with every person in the class - that is why they have class reunions to catch up.

Moving is an adventure if you make it that way. You as a family learn new things about a new place and get to do it together and build new memories. Stretch your personal boundaries and enjoy.

Go for it.

The other S.
Retired Military Wife

More info is needed....will you be going to a better city? Just as good or better schools?

I would not let my kids decision influence me at all! They probably have never moved and don't understand...which means they are against it.

If you want this opportunity, and it will be better for the family, then do it. Get the, excited about where they are going. Research all the cool places to explore nearby.

I just uprooted my family from az to ia jest because I couldn't stand the heat and congestion anymore of Phoenix. My kids were for sure apprehensive at first....pissed that there was so much to do to move....but excited when we got in that moving van and are all happy about the move. It is so much better here family and school wise!

Good luck!

We are a military family and have to move this summer. We have fortunately been stationed here for 5 years--which is the longest we've been anywhere. Up until now, moving was pretty easy. We moved here when my oldest (only at the time) was 2. Now the boys are 7, 4, and 2. One of the BIGGEST reasons I hate the thought of moving is school. I LOVE their school and am afraid I'll be disappointed with the next one.

But, you have to do what is best for your family. For us, staying in the military and moving is best. My husband is up for promotion and we need the heath insurance!

make sure you check out the cost of living there vs the pay raise.

I have had work with children. They adapt well even if they protesteth. Sorry, money isn't everything but it certainly is what helps raise those children.And today they may not want to move but tomorrow they want an IPAD, shoes with a title, NOT THAT DISCOUNT STORE and they do not understand that we stayed at home or took sub jobs (for twelve years!!) and they still wanted those things and I am paying off debt as we speak. So, in hindsight, yes I would have relocated if the opportunity came up. Now I do not regret doing what I did,it was easy to take off vacation time, when little people were sick but I'd really like a Caribbean vacation once in awhile instead of sleeping on people's apartment floors (the ones who wanted the famous gym shoes and the at that time nintendo games) and they are now giving ME financial advice as I pay for the football jerseys they had ten years ago, with interest. egads what have I become? Anyway, my thinking is, they grow up and move on if we do our job correctly and if if there is an opportunity out there and it is realistic go for it.

I know I would take their feelings into consideration, and be sensitive and understanding of them, but in the end, you have to look at the big picture and what the future holds. Right now, they only know what is in front of them - their friends, etc. is all that matters to them. But a better job with a bigger salary can mean more money for college, a nicer house, a family trip, whatever. I agree money isn't everything - but sometimes it does make life a whole lot more enjoyable and easier. Sometimes you have to do what is best for everyone in the long run - not just what the kids want. That's part of being a parent. They will be able to stay in touch with their old friends as well as make new ones. They will adjust. They don't need to grow up thinking the world should just revolve around them and their immediate needs and wants.

Unless I had one in senior year of high school I wouldn't consider their opinion much. Kids have a way of thinking change will ruin their lives. I find some of the most interesting and strongest people are the ones who have faced challenges and change in their lives. Sometimes what you think is the biggest curse turns out to be the best opportunity and it take maturity to see that.

I know I'm not supposed to over think this but just make sure wherever this great job is the cost of living doesn't eat up the raise! Good luck!

Not much. I would expect the children to show some reticence about leaving what they know. I would be chuffed if they approached it with a spirit of adventure. In the end of the day, it would be a decision made by myself and/or my spouse. Kids would learn that life isn't always what you hoped it might be, and they would learn about stepping out of one's comfort zone, and growing as a consequence.

Regards,
F. B.

I WISH my parents had moved at ANY POINT during my childhood... I couldn't stand my home town.

Good luck!

As a military kid who NEVER wanted to move, but then ALWAYS loved EVERY new place...No brainer. I'd move and call it a valuable, strengthening, horizons-broadening opportunity for the kids.

I'd tell my kids to get their asses in the car. ;) Then make sure you use that extra money to get them into plenty of activities once they get there so that they can meet people.

Kids adjust. If the overall quality of life for your family would increase, I would say relocate and deal with obstacles and resistance as it occurs. Money isn't everything, but it could buy a few new "toys" to "sweeten the deal" for your older child... or at least a plane ticket to visit friends next summer!

With those ages they wouldn't hold much weight in the decision making process. But the desire to give them better would be an influence..I would be researching the area like crazy to find out if the money would be worth the change. You kind of have to over think it because you have to weight the pros and cons of your current location verses the new location.

In my mind, your kids are too young to have a dominate say in this. More money means more opportunities down the road for everyone. Kids don't always see that, and sometimes as adults we need to make long-term decisions that they don't agree with.

When I was in High School, my family moved to a different State.
I was fine.
It was fine.
We were fine.
I adjusted and made new friends.
My family moved due to better jobs/pay.
I didn't have much say in it.
I knew it was the best for my parents.
So we went.
It was fine.
And I was glad. Because the place we moved to, was enjoyable.

J., as a single parent, I began considering my son in decisions concerning housing, etc. when he was in 3rd grade - at that time I was selling the home he had been born into and considering moving closer to family. We decided to stay in our area, but moved into an apartment for a few years.

As he aged we had other discussions about where to live, he was an important voice in the selection of the home I am buying now, not just the house, but the school district as he was switching into middle school, away from the kids he had just spent 6 years with.

When the recession slammed me I was considering moving states away to my sister's. Again, I discussed it with my son. I decided against that move while he pushed for it.

But, I always have the winning vote. While I want to consider his opinions I have to decide what is best for us in the long term.

Children often only see short term gains or loses. As parents we know we need to consider our financial future (retirement), their college tuition, braces, cars, insurance, etc. etc.

So, while I think it is important to function as a family, and hear all voices, I think the parent's get to make the final call.

Nota Bena: My son, as a Junior in high school now, has stressed that he wants to finish out through graduation where he is. This is a huge factor for me right now as I look to move forward.

truthfully, a child's objection wouldn't factor much at all... don't get me wrong, i love my kids, want them to be happy, etc. but, kids don't get to make adult decisions, adults do... looking back, how many of the friends you had as a small child do you still talk to daily?

I would not consider the kids' opinions in that situation. If we decided to move, I would try to make it easier for them, but my husband and I would do whatever was best for the family regardless of the kids' opinions. In the situation you describe, it sounds like a move is in order.

You've got to go where the jobs are.
I'm sorry the kids are upset about leaving their friends - but people move - and a good job (with good benefits) is a good reason.
I don't know about you but %99 of the people I went to elementary and middle school with I no longer have contact with (I lived at home through college).
In checking an alumni site which shows where classmates (graduating class) now live - they are all over the planet.
They can pout about it and make themselves miserable or they can view it as a grand adventure - see new places, meet new people, make new friends!
There are always things you'll miss about your old home but there are new things to discover and love about your new home.
(My husband and I visited our home town for a reunion and were looking forward to visiting our favorite wings place - then discovered the owner had retired a few years before. Things change with time no matter what you do!).

Do it. Change is good. It gives opportunity for learning and expansion.

We moved between 7th and 8th grade and it was a good transition. My parents showed us ALL of the positive of the move and even flew a different friends out to visit periodically for the first 6 months. I really think that helped me, as I showed them all the new cool stuff to do.

My husband moved around the same time frame when he was a kid, but his parents are Debbie Downers and he felt the move was h*** o* him. They didn't prepare him and positivity is NOT their thing.

It's really how you present it to the kids and support them. In my world, change keeps me alive. Flexibility is a virtue.

If it will benefit your family, I say go. Junior high is a tough age, but get him/her involved in things right away. Some kids adapt well to moves and some don't. Decide if this could improve your life and careers.

When my ex and I split, I choose to stay because I wanted to keep their house, school and friends constant. Now, they're in 11th and 9th grade. I don't want to move my son at this age and after he graduates, my daughter will be at this point.

Both are valid options. I would listen to my kids, but if this job meant a better future for them, I would not allow their opinion to make that decision.

These are just rhetorical questions. Would the job mean more work, and less family time? (The result, stress.) More of a commute? Is the boss "difficult?" Is the area unsafe? Are the schools terrible? I would ask myself those questions. I would NOT go, if yes were the answer to any.

For a substantial pay increase, I would tell the kids sorry you are upset, but we're going! Kids can make their own decisions when they become adults. I would not pass up something that would significantly benefit me and the family just to keep the kids happy.

Reality is, your oldest kid will/can leave to go out on his/her own in 5 years or less. The next one will be a few years behind. This move will be permanent and you and hubby need to start planning for your "empty nest" days so do what will set you up for your retirement the best. The kids can always move back when they get older if they want.

Elementary school age = None

Jr. High age = Minimal but I would acknowledge their feelings.

High School Age = Anything over 9th grade & They control our destiny!

My school age children's objections wouldn't factor into the decision at all. My husband and I would discuss the opportunity and weigh all the pros and cons of such a move. Certainly, we would recognize that moving is difficult for a family and starting over is hard for the kids. Starting over would be hard for mom and dad, too. We would assume that the kids, given the choice, would NOT want to move. It's our job, as parents, to NOT simply give in to that as the end all be all. If we decided that the move was beneficial for the family, we'd move. If we decided it wasn't, we wouldn't. The kids would have no say in the matter.

By the way, we made such a move from Denver to the Philadelphia suburbs in 2009. We didn't HAVE to move, but we discussed it and decided it would be the best thing for our family. The kids were entering 2nd, 3rd and 6th at the time. They left best friends behind, we left a fantastic neighborhood and a city we truly loved living in. Three years later, when asked, the kids will unanimously tell me that, again, given the chance, they WOULDN'T want to move back. They've adjusted to their new life and we've ALL come to LOVE our new hometown, new friends and new lives.

We do what we feel is best for our family...and then we adjust to our new surroundings, if required.

If the money was big enough, I might do it. However, in the interim, I would rent out my current house....... just in case things didn't pan out... so that I'd have a place to return .. (I know lots of people who wished they had done the same) .... and one exception, I would NOT relocate to a place that had a lot of snow in the winter.. I don't think there is money enough for me to enjoy that..

My mom moved us across the country when she had no support and no job opportunities following her divorce. Did I *want* to move at the time? No. Was it the right thing for her to do? Yes. I wouldn't do it just for $, but if you would, for example, lose the house where you are now, I'd take the job. I would work with the kids on making the relocation beneficial to them, and allowing them to keep in touch with friends. I would also prefer to move where you can stay and not if it's a temporary gig.

The parents have to decide what is best for the family, then work to accommodate the needs of the children into that decision. For example, if moving is going to be best (more income, closer to good universities, more opportunities for everyone, closer to family) then help the reluctant family member find something to look forward to...

there is no right answer. Staying is valid. Going is valid.

I'd make a list of the pros and cons and weigh it out. And before doing that I would research schools, etc.... in the new city.

Good luck

I think I would definitely have to take my kids' opinions into consideration. I absolutely love where we live now. Great neighborhood and city, church and lots of friends and family around. Having said that though, I do believe God puts opportunities in our path that we should look at carefully.
I lived in my hometown for 32 years except for when I was away at college (which was only an hour away anyway.) I thought I would live somewhere in that vicinity for the rest of my life. However, circumstances and a rough break up with the man I thought I was going to marry went belly up and led me to this new place. I met my husband six months after moving, married him exactly two years later, and then was blessed with two great kids. We are blessed beyond measure, so when I find myself at a crossroad, I make sure to ponder it from all perspectives.
Good luck!

I would note their objections but several other factors (aside from making more money) would require much more consideration and hold much more weight in the decision making process.

I wouldn't move "no matter what the toll." But we have moved a lot. I think you have to determine what the toll is. Very few kids would ever move (unless their lives were miserable) so you cannot base your decision on what they are feeling. They do not see the big picture. They don't know that they can enjoy a new situation and meet new friends, especially if they have never done it before.

Our son, who like me did not like change, now loves traveling all over the world. He says that moving taught him that he could adapt to change and has become really open to meeting new people and trying new things. Our daughter never really wanted to move but was more of an adventurer so she didn't protest too loudly.

The important thing is to weigh out all the pros and cons from your adult perspective. If the pay increase is substantial and the move and the new cost of living won't eat that up, then it is a huge factor in your ability to provide for your kids' needs.

If you move, there are some great ways to help your kids go through the process. There are also some really horrible ways, so ask around for advice if and when that happens.

Change is always hard.
I agree with Laura, I would need to really research where this new location would be. What neighborhood would you consider, the schools, the type of atmosphere of the city.

How much time and cost to travel to visit the grandparents, them to visit you.

cost of living.

For the children it would be really, really hard if they were in High School, and they were really involved and doing really well.

But I think if they are able to easily make friends, do not struggle with school. they should do just fine. They can look at it as an adventure and a chance to make even more friends.

As long as the parents are happy and secure in their marriage, the kids will feel safe and secure.

I wouldn't do it!!! We've moved twice because of my husbands' job and the resentment just keeps getting worse! Now we are living four hours apart because of another job - granted the lay-offs are not his fault - but I still believe he could have found something closer and we could have all stayed together - even if making less money.

This last layoff was a real shocker; my children DID NOT want to move so I decided to stay put this time around. Our children each had one year of junior high and high school under their belts and I wasn't going to pull them out! It was absolutely horrible the last time we moved and I just was not willing to see my kids go thru it again!! I really think it's harder in high school when you're the new kid!!

My kids are extremely happy with the school and their friends, talk to their dad almost every night, also skype sometimes, he comes home at least twice a month and we're making it work. Yes, it's been a little stressful for me, at times, with having to deal with everything but I still stand by my decision.

The other deciding factor was that we probably couldn't have sold our house. Not many people are looking for something with a lot of ground!! My daughter still has two years left of high school and we will be putting the house up for sale this summer in hopes that it will sell by the time she graduates from high school.

Good luck!!

I do not think children's objections should be listened too. You and your wife are the adults. They will adjust. Just do your best to scope out good schools and neighborhoods. Children always whine about that sort of stuff, but if it is better for ya'll they will make new friends etc.

My take on it is this: if the kids aren't constantly moving and being yanked around (I went to 14 different schools)-- then, sometimes for the long-term good of the family, the move needs to happen. Kids do adjust, believe me. If it was only for a year or two, I'd suggest rethinking, but if you think you could create roots at this new place, go for it.

Good luck, whatever you choose.

No sure I understand what you me by "no matter the toll". I moved every 2 to 3 years growing up, wnet to 9 different school between K and 12th grade. Went to a new school in a different country for my senior year, which opened many more opportunities and I received a scholarship I wold not have had the chance at if my parents had decided it was too h*** o* me to move my last year. In the end it is what is best for the family and a better job and a pay raise could be much better for the family. The kids will be fine! Change is good for kids it builds resilience. I agree money isn't everything but the decisions a family makes can't be because it is too hard for kids to move and change schools. They kids will be better off for so many reasons. I hope to be able to move my kids a few times before they go to college. Good Luck!

It would influence my decision a lot. It would really depend on whether or not we were making it where we are. If we could pay the bills, save for retirement and college and had a decent quality of life where we were, I would not uproot my kids for a pay increase that wasn't a "need." Of course if I lived somewhere where there were few opportunities, we weren't keeping up with the cost of living and the quality of life was poor, then moving would be the right thing to do.

IMO, children get one childhood. Make it as stable as possible. When we bought our first house, we shopped for almost a year and a big part of that was finding the right town to live in because both my husband and I moved when we were around 10 years old and neither one of us liked it, so we wanted to pick the right community first where we could raise our children all through school.

They'll have to adjust. My best friend moved in high school. It devastated me and she and her sister were not happy about it. Her parents divorced several years before and the mother relocated them to another state.
However, it was the best thing that happened to them. They moved to KY, horse country from the NY city area. My best friend LOVED horses. People were nicer there than the east coast. She met a ton of friends and eventually met her husband there. A bad experience turned good.

I would have to consider other things I guess. I had to move when I was I Jr High and it was an adjustment, but I was coming from a tiny town with kids that I had known since childhood, to a large college town. The trade off was that I had other opportunities in the new town and got a better jr high to high school education. I'm pretty sure I would have gone down a different path had I stayed in the tiny town where there was little to do but have sex and do drugs and drink... but in the bigger city, (though those things were present) there was more to do and a lot of different people to make friends with.

So I would consider, not only the benefit of higher pay,, but the cost of living there and the quality of schools, and the city as a whole for opportunities for your kids to experience other things.

Good luck!

How can such a complex and important decision only need bascially one detail? You're makign everything about money. So if money is the only factor that matters in your decision making then sure, move them. They're not that old.

In theory: Not at all.

I was a military brat. I grew up moving every 1-2 years. Most moves were purely normal. Some I pitched fits over. One, to include trying to arrange to stay in x place with y family. My family, very wisely IMHO, took those tantrums and reasoned debates as what they were "I don't wanna"s combined with not having the mental or emotional understanding to be able to make such a decision at 5, 11, & 14 (the moves I griped/begged/tantrumed/pleaded about).

Staying in one place is NOT stability.
Being a part of a cohesive & loving family IS.

I wouldn't trade moving every 1-2 years for the WORLD. My life is incalculably better both for the experiences gained, and for being part of a loving and cohesive family.

In ACTUALITY?

I've always been the child in the equation, never the parent. I've moved with my son, but never with him dragging his heels. So I haven't had to face that, yet. I suspect that 17 years of moving as a child, with my family, and the lessons learned there would color my perception to act in real life, as in theory. Again, though... Haven't done that, yet :)

Try to think of what will make YOU happy. I know it is unpopular to say its not all about the kids, but you have to do what makes you happy as well. I'm guilty of putting my son's wants and needs above all else, as well. So is my husband. Its affected both of our jobs. And its not always best for the kids to get everything they want (or think they want). Sometimes you have to think of yourself too. Especially in uncertain times like these.
(I'm great about giving this advice, but not about taking it!)
There is no saying that their friends, who are so important to them, and who would be the reason they don't want to move, won't be moving themselves. My son is in first grade. Sooooo many kids that were important friends of his in pre-K and Kindergarten have moved already! People are losing their homes, moving in with their extended families, just moving for a lot of reasons these days. Their friends are going to change regardless of if you stay or go.

For a substantial pay increase, I would make the move.

If the kid were in 10th or 11th grade, then maybe I would forego the move, maybe. But probably not.

Money is important, and the kids will survive a move. How often have you guys moved? If you have never moved, then it will actually be good for your kids to move. Studies have shown that people who have endured some small amount of hardship during childhood are actually more resilient and happy adults.

I moved a zillion times during my childhood. I was in three different schools in 10th grade, in three different countries. And I finished up h.s. with A's and B's. I wouldn't recommend moving that often, at all, but I can promise you your kids will survive a move, especially at their ages.

It's good money. Move.

A child's objection I would not consider at all. I would however consider what they are being taken from and moved to. When I was a sophomore and my brother and 8th grader, my mother moved us across the country. We were ALL on board with the move. In hindsight it was a bad choice. We went from a small quiet town in NH with low taxes, almost no crime, a house and land, an outstanding school system and people we grew up with, to a large city in NV, a small apartment, a crappy school system, and 24 hour gambling. Oh yeah, if you weren't over 21 there was literally nothing to do except go to the movies. I came back to NH 10 days after I graduated, my brother joined the army and left for basic 2 months after he graduated and my mother left after my brother moved out. I am in touch with 3 people from there, and only because of Facebook. It was the worst thing she could have done. So again objections no...end result... absolutely.

that is exactly what we are doing, different circumstances, but in 2 weeks my kids will go on a friday at their current school, and on monday at a new school.
will let you know how it works out :)

to M. i couldnt because my ex is in PA so I could never move away drom my daughters father

if that wasntthe case

it would depend on how happy i could be away from all family and my daughter not being close to cousins, aunts, uncles grandparents

I went through a move from Texas to California the summer before I started my junior year in high school. It felt catastrophic to me. It turned into a mind-broadening experience (I would almost say adventurous).

You need to make the decision of how much influence you want from your kids. Weigh how much the new job would improve their future. Does it mean that you will be able to afford a college opportunity, one that you would not be able to give them if you stayed put? That's just one example. Good luck!

A couple of thoughts to make the transition easier. Learn a bit of the place of this job opportunity. Help your kids find exciting or interesting or wonderful about the city or area. Is there a skate park? And work hard to keep lines of communications open between them and the friends they are leaving. I would suggest you make a "BFF" book for your junior high kid. It can be a simple blank notebook. He/she can decorate the cover and get friends (and teachers, neighbors, whoever) to sign it and include a note, preferably of encouragement. I think you can get creative from there.

I would offer empathy and love, but their objection would not influence the final decision. Decisions regarding jobs, moving, finances, etc., are for parents to make, not kids.

Of course the kids' concerns are listened to and thought of, so parents can attempt to make the transition easier, but those concerns are not the deciding factors. Kids can adapt, make friends, and transition to new environments far easier than adults.

Kids can and will object to everything.
For me the deciding factors would be....
How stable is this company I would be relocating for? If there were the slightest possibility of layoffs in the future then no I wouldn't consider as seniority plays a big factor in some companies.
Would this extra income make our life more comfortable to the degree that it would take stresses off of the family? Such as allowing for more savings and savings for college?
We recently moved a few hours away from family for a better job opportunity for my husband. For us, it was a no brainer. His position at the time was going to be relocated even further away then this. And it would have been a lateral move. He could have said no, then he would've stepped backwards. When this job came up we knew we'd have to move, but the money would be better and it would be a big step up for him and he's worked his butt off for this company. So we did it.

So much more than money to consider, at least for me. Climate is very important to me. I'm a mild to warm weather lady and could not tolerate the cold and snow -- or extreme desert heat -- I don't care how much money is to be gained (unless is really -- and I mean REALLY substantial). Cost of living would also have to be examined, as well as proximity to family. Kids adapt. That would probably be my last consideration in the whole scheme of things.

We're toying with making a change, too. We'll see. We live thisclose to family right now and that is impt. to us since we have an only child and our parents are getting on in years. We wouldn't be moving for money, but for a head change and a new adventure.

Money speaks louder than what my kids would say at least their age is still far to young listen to what they have to say but as your parent you have the final say.

It depends on the family but.....Having just relocated for the second time for my husbands job (this time was with one school age, child and a 3 year old) and also having done this twice when I was a kid (once in 1st grade and again as a Senior in high school) I would say NEVER AGAIN! For the children the adjustment is very difficult. My kids had a really awful time with the move. My three year old regressed with his potty training and my second grader started having night terrors and became really anxious. Other than my husband, the rest of the family was against moving. We were leaving behind family in TX and although the move meant a promotion for my husband after all is said and done, more money doesn't equal happiness. I think if you really like the area you are living in stay put! JMO

Well how do you know if this job is going to be what you want. If your marriage is strong enough to sustain it, I would suggest you going and trying it for a few weeks. Rent a small place take a look at the area the schools. Scope it out so to speak. Rent a studio or a room for a month. Are you needing to leave a job for this one? How bout your wife? Is she currently working. You cant just dismiss opportunities but being the job market who knows what your getting into . If your wife is still woring but wiling to relocate I'd say do as I suggest. Its still the beginning of the year so if all works out then after the holidays you can think of moving the family. Just think if it doesnt and your wife gave up her job and the expense to move.

I want to be near family, so that would play the biggest part for me. But I moved all the time growing up as a military brat, and I had a love/hate relationship with it. I think it's a great experience, but I was the shy kid.

Good luck in your decision!

From personal experience (as a kid) it's a LOT easier to adjust to a big move prior to 7th grade.
I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T move, and of course every kid is different, but moving in junior high and beyond CAN be tough.
But ultimately it's up to you as the adult and parent to make the choice. Of course you should take your children's feelings into consideration, but the final call should be yours. You know what's best for your family.
And college is expensive (we're in year two with kid one, and kid two will start next year) so yes, money IS an important factor!
p.s. I love how you tell us not to over think it, I mean do you think women tend to do that? LOL!!!

To me it would and did matter very much. I think that children need stability and it is just for that reason that we stayed put, even through better job offers. Friends and family are very important to us and moving was never an option.
If you sincerely need the extra money just to get by then I guess it would be different but we choose lifestyle over money.

Income for the family is the most important consideration. Kids will adapt and the family will grow closer in the long run. Kids can't be the deciding factor in if a parent works or not.

If the person lost their job and had this offer there would be no question. Income would have to take precedence.

IF, IF, IF the income is adequate and the ability to proceed in their chosen career was there, a challenging job that provided very well for the family, then it could be debated that changing jobs was risky. The "what if's" could drive a person crazy.

What if they got laid off in a few months because the new employer didn't think their job performance was what they wanted.

What if the housing in the new area is so high that the family would not be in a nicer area or nicer home but living in a sub standard situation.

What if, what if what if. They are what makes life miserable for sure.

Taking time to think it through, taking a new job can be a wonderful experience. Sometimes it doesn't work out then what is a family to do? Sometimes it's the best thing that ever happened too.