Seeking Help from Other Mom's with ADHD and or Bi Polar Children...

I am a 40 yr old mom with a 10 yr old son that has been diagnosed with adhd and odd and have been dealing with it for 5 years my son has been on focalin XR for about a year and it is a wonderful med he is a totally different child with it, I also feel like I am a terrible mother because I scream at him for things he does or says , if you just redirect him with what he is doing and remind him that he is in control of his actions he will do better, if you have any other questions email me at "____@____.com to hear from you soon and good luck

J.

My 6 year old is on Concerta. I don't know much about Focalin, but I know that my daughter is much better with the meds. Once they get him on the right medication he will be a different child. She can now listen when I ask her to do something and she often helps out without my having to ask. Once his meds are regular, you will grow close with your baby again. I know it is frustrating, but hang in there it will get better.

I ALSO HAVE 2 KIDS WITH ADHD. THEY WENT TO PSYCOLIGIST(SORRY SPELLED WRONG) AND AFTER EXTENSIVE TESTING, WERE DIAGONSED. ANYWAY MY SON WAS ON FOCALIN XR THIS PAST SPRING AT AGE 6. IT WORKED WELL UNTIL THIS SUMMER THEN HE JUST WASN'T BEING HIMSELF, SO I REFUSED TO CONTINUE IT AND ASKED FOR ANOTHER. NOW HE IS ON CONCERTA. IT TAKES THE EDGE OFF OF HIS BEHAVIOR AND IT DOES HELP HIM FOCUS IN SCHOOL. MY DAUGHTER WAS DIAGNOSED AT FIVE AND WAS PUT ON STRATTERA. I REALLY LIKED THAT ONE BECAUSE IT WAS A NON-STIMULANT. BUT AFTER 3 YEARS IT NO LONGER WOULD WORK SO SHE ALSO IS ON CONCERTA. ANYWAY I FELT GUILTY ABOUT MEDICATING MY CHILDERN, BUT I FEEL WHY MAKE THEM SUFFER. BOTH KIDS SAY THEY FEEL BETTER WHEN THEY TAKE THIER MEDS. I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS STOPPING THE MEDS BECAUSE I FELT THEY HAD JUST MATURED AND WAS ABLE TO HANDLE THINGS A LITTLE BETTER, AFTER 4 DAYS OFF THE MEDS, THERE WERE MULTIPLE NOTES FROM SCHOOL, THE BUS AND LET ALONE BEHAVIOR AT HOME TO ROVE OTHERWISE. SO I KNOW THE MEDS WORK. WE DID TRY NO CAFFINE, CERTAIN DYES, CERTAIN FOOD TO NO ADVAIL. AND TO ALL PEOPLE WHO JUST HAVE THE "PERFECT" SOLUTION GOOD FOR YOU. THAT IS NOT WORKS WITH OURS. MY KIDS CONTINUE TO "BOUNCE" OFF THE WALLS, FLY OFF THE HANDLE, HIT, HAVE A TEMPER YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. WE WON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT FOLLOWING MY INSTRUCTIONS. BUT THE MEDS TAKES OFF THE EDGE FOR THEM IN SCHOOL. THEY BOTH HAVE LEARNING DISABILITES, ONE WORSE THEN THE OTHER, NOT NEITHER ARE MORE THEN A YEAR OFF. AND THEY BOTH ARE PULLING A'S AND B'S NOW. THAT IS BETTER THEN EXPECTED. THAT WAS MY REASON FOR MEDS. I WANT MY KIDS TO SUCCEED IN LIFE. I WILL DEAL WITH THE BEHAVIOR BUT AT LEAST MY KIDS CAN LEARN.
AND FOR YOUR SON, GIVE IT 2-4 WEEKS AND IF NO IMPROVMENT, TALK TO THE DOC. ALL MEDS DO NOT WORK FOR EVERY CHILD. IT IS LIKE THE BC PILL. YOU HAVE TO FIND THE ONE THAT WORKS.
WE ALL GET SO WORN OUT WITH THE ADHD. IT NOT ONLY EFFECTS ARE BABIES, IT ALSO EFFECTS ALL IN THE FAMILY.
THE ONLY THING I CAN REALLY DO WITH MY KIDS IS PRAISE THEM WHEN THEY DO SOMETHING GOOD, AND TRY TO NOT CONFRONT AND MAKE A SCENE WHEN IT GOES WRONG. ADHD KIDS USUALLY WANT TO PLEASE AND WILL DO MORE AND MORE WITH PRAISE. MY KIDS DON'T GET ME WRONG HAVE BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS, BUT I TRY TO BRUSH OFF A LOT BECAUSE SOMETHINGS THEY CAN'T HELP. I ALSO SIT THEM DOWN UNTIL THEY COOL OFF THEN ASK THEM WHAT JUST HAPPENED OR WHY DID THEY DO THAT AND SOMETIMES THEY APOLOGIZE, BUT SOMETIMES THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WENT DOWN.
FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME, IF YOU NEED TO TALK. IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A PERSON TO TALK TO THAT DEALS WITH THE SAME STUFF.
GOOD LUCK TO US ALL.

my daugther has adhd.she doesn't take that she is on concerta which is amazing. she takes it once a day in morning and it works all day. give the meds time to get into the body and it will be different. your not a bad mom because of it.it does suck when you do nothing but yell at them but in the long run everything will be great.the meds help out with everything sleeping, school work, eating and other kids.
good luck T.
W.

My boyfriends daughter is adhd and she was diagnoised about four or five years ago. She acted out so badly that her mother couldn't handle her and she was placed with us. We got her on the right track and she has been doing well ever since. My thoughts about this is first of all you have to realise that every child is different, and every illness is different also. my step daughter responded well to compromising and structure. now what I mean by that is bath at 8 bed at 9 type of thing, also compromising giving her choices instead of one decission. example: its time for bed do you want the green or blue pj to wear. don't give him more than one thing to do at a time, because he can't think that far a head and you'll just get frustrated. I know it makes you feel terriable to put your baby on meds but you will be saving your self from all the fighting in the long run, believe me it's not good for either of you. Oh also a big one we did was rewards, when she was good and did her chores she would buy her a cd or something not too expensive. I hope this has helped you, Chris

I feel you I have to put up with the same thing it sucks. My child has adhd and odd and bi-polar its not easy rasing those type of childern i know i have 3 kid just like that. I go threw hell sometimes. There is not a day that don't go by that i don't want to scream or even what to check my self in a nut house but its life we have to deal with it. Keep your child in a safe place when they are doing that. I have tried a program that calls love and logic it helps you should try it. It could be there med that there on. I have had to change the meds before because of that souation. It helped. Be patience even know it is hard to do. Take a time out to your self to pull yourself back together then go to your child and try to solve the problem it attends to help.

Edit: Several drug brand names have been mentioned in this thread and I just wanted to add (courtesy of my biochemist husband) that we're all actually talking about the same medication. Focalin is dexmethylphenidate, which is the single isomer version of methylphenidate (sold as Ritalin, Concerta, Metadate, Methylin, Rubifen, Daytrana and a bunch of other names). With Focalin you take half the dosage of the other drugs, because it contains only the active dextro isomer, instead of being a racemic mix of dextro and laevo isomers.

Original post:
My 7yo just started taking Focalin XR (10mg) about a month ago.

I completely sympathise with your frustration. Having a special needs child (or children in my case -- my younger son was born with a cleft lip and palate) is terribly stressful. Along with the work involved in caring for them, you're prone to all sorts of illogical feelings -- guilt, anger, resentment, depression. I've certainly done my share of screaming.

My Alex was oxygen deprived at birth and has some brain damage -- tiny spots of dead white matter. He had developmental delays from the start, went through the Early Intervention program in Los Angeles (we recently moved to Indiana), and has had quite a collection of diagnoses. At first his motor delays were the most obvious (not crawling, not walking) so the diagnosis was cerebral palsy. Then with intensive therapy he caught up physically, but didn't talk, so they said maybe autism. He still fits some of the criteria for autism, but his biggest problem in the last year has been an inability to do schoolwork. Homework has been a nightmare -- a worksheet intended to take 10 minutes could easily end up being over an hour of struggling. Our new doc in Indiana gave us a referral to a psychiatrist, who prescribed Focalin on the basis that since Alex doesn't fit neatly into any diagnosis, we may as well treat the symptoms without stressing over the labels. The difference has been nothing short of amazing. His teacher is blown away -- he's getting his classwork done and getting it done flawlessly. Homework is soooo much easier. The other day I sat him down at the table with his worksheet, and went to get a cup of coffee to fortify myself for battle -- and came back to find him doing the last question on the sheet! Wow!

How has your son responded to the medication? How have you responded to his being medicated?

Go to www.drjanicemorales.com .. this doctor, Dr. Janice Morales, cures and helps these kind of problems with NATURAL vitamins and minerals. He just has a mineral difficiency. Please, call this doctor, set up an appointment and just see what your odds are.

My mom was on the vitamins that she gives her patients. She was diagnosed with Breast cancer in March, started taking these minerals called glyconutrients) The dr (not Janice) told her she would have to get her right breast removed and have chemo and radiation. She told them no!) on sept 7, she is CANCER FREE! So, if these minerals can get rid of cancer, they can help your son.

God bless you! You are NOT a bad mother! He is very blessed to have you in his life! :-)

ADHD is hard to deal with. My son was diagnosed when he was 4 and at that time noone diagnosed kids until they were six. The doctor who had written many adhd books told me he had never seen such a severe case. Its very hard to deal with, but in time you will be able to see how some adhd characteristics are actually positive ones for your son to have. I strongly suggest reading a book titled The Strong Willed Child. Its great. Also do a lot of research on adhd, it will help you. The other thing is counseling, it helps you to learn how to cope and teaches your child how to control some of those bad behaviors. One of the things to remember is to emphasize the positive with adhd kids. We have a "Caught Ya" Can at our house. Anyone who is caught doing good gets their name in the can. At the end of the week we draw a name and that person gets a prize from the box of small inexpensive prizes we have. My son is now about to turn 15 (this week) and is doing much better. You will also want to look into testing through the school system. Many kids with adhd also have learning disabilities. If you need a buddy to chat with about all this let me know.

Being a mom is tough enough, but one diagnosed with AD/HD is a heck of a lot harder. I have two children, 16 months apart with the oldest(a boy) having AD/HD. I have not yet put him on medicine, but the dr. is willing to do so if I feel my son needs it. What I do though, is make sure he has a place he can go to on his own...his room, but it is quiet, has the toys he loves (trains) and he can play there without his sister. We also do massage therapy, which works great to calm him down,(just send a message if ya want to know how)(I am also a massage therapist in training). Also a natural way to go, is the oil lavendar. It is safe enough to rub into skin, and can also be diffused in the air...really calming too. Best thing you can also do is make sure you can get away for a bit, to just take a breather. I hope any of this helps..(also my brother has AD/HD and is on concerta..gone from F's to A's)...coming as a sister of a brother with AD/HD and now a mother...the hardest job you'll ever have is being a mother...but the rewards in the end are always worth it. Just smile and breathe.

As one of the moms who is against drugs unless all avenues have been explored I do sympathize with your issue. Be aware that as a child ages their bodies and metobolisms change. Also, as with all drugs be it a pain medication or antacid you do build up a tolerance. The time it takes to build a tolerance varies by individual. Also be aware that once your child hits puberty things will completely change again. The hormonal balances can cause tremendous changes to brain chemistry. at this point your child may or many not need drugs anymore or many need something completely different.

Currently I work as a CNA, but I used to work with children in residential care. I can tell you from experience working with children in treatment facilities you may go through a number of medications before finding the ones that work. We saw kids on meds get them changed almost weekly (anyway it seemed like it as we were counting brand new bottles of pills) until the psychiatrist found one that worked. This is not that uncommon. It also happens with adults. My mother has degenerative arthritis. She has been on 15 different pain medications in an attempt to find one that allows her to function normally.

To Laura, I wish you the best. Bi-polar (aka manic depression) is so intensely difficult to deal with. With the age of your daughter and the hormonal imbalances associated with puberty on top I am certain she isn't even sure from day to day who she is let alone able to control her behaviour. She may still grow out of it. I know that I did without medications although I know that when my estrogen levels change I definately hit the depression stage even now. Perhaps finding a support group in your area or even a martial arts class will help (I found that the meditation and learning to listen to what my body was telling me really helped me learn to control the swings and make them more tolerable for everyone around me).

Best wishes to all and good luck!

I have a 12 yr old with ADHD and my 14 yr old girl is BiPolar.

I can appreciate the opinions of people who are against these medications. Only cuz I'm a polite person and too big to disagree. Not all children can be helped with vitamins and better diets and better discipline. For the kids who need meds to balance chemicals, it is certainly a challenge. It's hard to be a mother of a special needs kid, but with a lot of patience and the right diet/discipline/meds, whatever, life can be a blessing with them also.

I also think the worst thing we can do is scream and yell at them. They can't control the imbalance in their brains and you'll only rip apart their self esteem. Love them to pieces and be there for them. But they also need to know there are boundaries and consequences. Good luck ADHD moms!

T.,
I know your frustation. My oldest stepson has ADHD. I've never heard of the med your son is on but William is on Concerta. Personally I don't think the meds do much for them except make them dependent on them and give them an excuse. My nephew also has ADHD and he isn't on meds. My sister is working with the Mental health department here on different exercises, behavior modification and it seems to be doing much more for him then the meds have ever done. I hope this helps some.