Someone Else Claiming My Child on Their Taxes

I believe it is fair for you to stop paying her. But if she wanted to be bold she could sue you for support.

What you are paying amounts to child support and child support is considered neutral, neither of you have to claim it or get to claim it. The others are right in saying that you don't have the legal right to claim him because he doesn't live with you. She only has the right to claim him if she supports more than 50% of his needs. She is supposed to divide the cost of her house and utilities by the # of people living in her home. That is the amount that is his portion of those. Then she can add in food he eats and any direct expenses she pays. BUT, the amount you give her should come off of what she spends. If she isn't paying more than half of his upkeep, then she really can't claim him either.

This is an issue that should have had legal council sought before the paperwork was filed. Now you have a major issue. I suggest for this year's filings that you DO seek legal council and have paperwork drawn up to prevent this.

Okay, you pay $2,400 a year plus some clothes and copays. I don't know what the financial needs of your son are but that does not sound like 50% of his expenses. You must pay 50% of a dependents expenses to claim them unless you share status as in a divorce where one parent claims the child as a dependent even when the other may pay the most.

So what I am saying is your parents are within their legal rights to claim him as a dependent.

What is legal is not always what is right, mind you. Then again gaming the IRS isn't legal and isn't right. It sounds like you were using the earned income tax credit to supplement your parents income and basically paying nothing for the needs of your child.

Considering I don't like when people game the government I would say you are being unreasonable. If you are not gaming then they should have discussed it with you.

Oh before everyone thinks J. is a big meany, with an earned income tax credit you can get up to around $3,400 that you never paid in withholding. In other words your marginal tax rate is a negative. :(

Tax law interjection: You do not have to have a dependent live with you, 50% or otherwise, you must pay 50% of the child's expenses. Think college, boarding school. Nah, the IRS is all about money.

I think what you're saying is you would normally give your mom the refund you would get by claiming your son in the form of 200 per month? So since she got that by claiming him you shouldnt have to pay her...I suppose you could make that argument to her (though legally I think she can claim him). But yes, you're being unreasonable. Your mother took on the task of raising your son because you could not. You are barely paying enough to support him as is. Besides, your mother is making a huge sacrifice by taking on raising a teenager that is not her own. Is it really worth making an issue out of the tax money? Pay her the 200 a month, don't mention the taxes again, and thank the lord right now for your mother.

Wow...I don't know quite what to say given that we do not know the whole situation. It sounds like your Mom is doing you a huge favor by having your son live with her. Is $200 per month really worth starting a war over? What is best for your son?

Even though you pay $200 per month your son is your mom's dependent. It would have been nice if your mom discussed this with you before just claiming him but she did not and I think I would let it go. She is doing a wonderful thing and your son will be 18 in a year anyway.

It costs a heck of a lot more than 200/month to raise a child.

He lives with your Mom, so she deserves the tax break.

He's your kid, so you should be responsible for him and pay her the 200/month (which is cheap as far as child support goes).

honestly, i think raising a 17 year old full time is alot harder than $200 a month. Are you kidding that you're angry with your mom? she is giving you a break. Be grateful woman!

I think your Mom is right.
You are lucky she's watching him for you.

I do not think that LEGALLY you have the right to claim your son on your taxes anyway! He has to physically live with you and he hasn't for 2 years.

I kind of think you are being unreasonable...why are you entitled to any monies from your son when you are not taking care of him? $200 a month is NOT enough to feed a teenage boy let alone pay for his portion of the electricity/water etc. It is great that you are paying for his clothes and medical but that does not take away from the fact that if you have been claiming him on your taxes while he doesn't live with you, you are breaking the law.

You do not get into specifics as to why you have to PAY money to the IRS and the State this year? But if you owe instead of getting refund that is not your parents fault.

Looking at it like you are paying twice (once to the IRS, for taxes I presume and once to your parents for child support) is the WAY wrong way to be looking at it, sorry!

~~EDIT~~
Just read your "so what happened"
I am confused by what and why you say you would have to pay the IRS the money you WOULD have paid your Mother in child support??? That doesn't make any sense to me? And then you think that since the gov't has helped your parents pay for your child you no longer should be responsible? That does not make any sense either? If that was the case divorced parents paying child support everywhere would be saying that they do not need to pay child support for the year that the other parents claimed the kids? Do you understand how that DOES NOT make sense?

I think you need to talk to a CPA or tax preparer. This is complicated by the fact that your child does not live with you. Usually a parent signs a form giving permission for someone else, like a bio parent, to claim the child. Some divorced couples trade off tax years. I think the child has to live with you at least 6 months out of the year AND you have to pay more than 50% of the support of the child.
Like I said, your case is complicated.
I had my daughter 100% of the time and was told by my tax preparer that 16 was the last year I could claim her. (I was single, head of household).
That was 8 years ago, so things might have changed and I don't remember exactly why, but there were things I couldn't claim her for after 16 and she didn't have a job or anything. She was still in high school.

I could be mistaken, but it sounds like your mom wanted the IRS refund for having your son live with her and STILL wants the $200/month. Maybe she didn't clearly realize that you getting the tax refund is how you were able to afford paying her that money and for the other necessities. Maybe she doesn't understand that without that deduction, you will now owe the IRS as opposed to receiving a refund which could make paying support more difficult for you.
I'm not saying who is right or wrong, but it's a shame you didn't talk this out before it was a done deal.
Regardless, I hope you get it worked out. She has helped you by having your son. He will be 18 soon and working. He will probably want to keep his own tax refunds at that point.

Contact a professional.

If I'm understanding this right (and I might not be), you were counting on the IRS tax refund, from having him listed as a dependent, to pay a lump sum to your mom? And that is top of the $200/month that you pay her for his room and board?

And now she has claimed him on her taxes, and instead of you getting the refund/deduction, she is. And she is wanting the lump sum payment from you (which you're not getting from the IRS, because you can't count him on your tax deduction), and she also wants the $200/month, plus she is going to get the tax deduction money.....

It does sound like that is unfair to me, and that your mom is changing the rules of your arrangements "in the middle of the game" so to speak.

If she's getting the IRS deduction, I don't think you should have to pay her the lump sum, and/or maybe not even the $200 per month (since, depending on the deduction amount, she might be getting more than $2400 back ($200 x 12 months = $2400).

If I'm understanding the situation right, no, I don't think you should agree to her changes at all. And frankly, it seems (just from my limited perspective) pretty rotten that the took the tax deduction for your son, without talking to you about it first (my limited understanding is that only one person can claim him as a dependent, and any later claims from other people will be denied).

I'm also basing the on the assumption (which may be wrong) that your mom is not watching him full time and acting as his guardian full time (it sounded to me like she was watching him for some hours while you were at work, but not full time)....

Sounds like a mess...but I think the general consensus is right...he's a dependent of your mom, not you. $200 a month is not considered substantially supporting a child, because rent/utilities/groceries/clothes/incidentals etc all factor into it.

I don't think the two of you should "see who'd get the most back for him," because I am not quite sure that's legal. He has to live with you 50% of the time to claim him...and he doesn't. I believe, legally, SHE should be claiming him...but then, I'm no tax professional...which is what you need.

I think this is your mom's way of saying this is too much and I'm not getting enough out of this situation. One responders said, "It does sound like your mom is changing the rules of your arrangements "in the middle of the game" so to speak." As much as she loves her grandson, she is reaching a resentment stage and you may want to start respecting what she is not telling you and come up with a plan B. Not that it is comparable, but when my mother-in-law lived with us for 14 months to help care for my new baby, as much as I loved her and as much as it saved us money and as much as my baby was healthier and as much as he was safer, I resented it and she resented it and no amount of money would solve the issue until I found a plan B and she and I were able to go back to life as she knew it before. Lots of decisions as a parent. I hope you are able to come up with something that will keep your son safe and a still have a good relationship with your mother. She really is sacrificing so much for you.

You mom should take you to court for full guardianship so she can have all the legal benefits due her. She is raising your child and the amount of monthly payment $200) is way less than child support would be. In Oklahoma minimum child support, based on minimum wage is nearly $200 a month. One of my grandkids dads pays $250 a month and he doesn't even make $9 per hour.

As for the legalities of her claiming him. If she has no legal custody she can claim him but so can you and they will audit her and take back her refund. That is what happened with my daughter. She claimed some of her kids but they were not in her custody, just living with her part of the year, and she got audited due to 2 different parties claiming the same children and they took her money back from the next 2 years tax refund.

So, in my opinion, you should go ahead and claim your son and let the IRS sort it out.

Your mom is right. She should have cleared it with you before claiming him, but you should be paying you out of your own after-tax income, not your tax refund. If he lives with her, she can and should claim him as a dependent. Let her know that you can't pay the $2400 up front and that you will have to pay her monthly, but really, $200 a month for round the clock childcare is a pretty good deal. Having had a teenager move into our home recently, I can assure you that she adds far more than $200 a month to our expenses over and above things that we would think of like school supplies, clothes, entertainment, sports fees, etc. Things like groceries, electricity, water, and gas add up quickly. Pay her monthly and be grateful.

You are not being unreasonable, but you are being manipulated. There are several problems clouding your question, paying the IRS vs. paying your mother. It is true that if someone provides/lives 51% of support they can claim them as a dependent. However, were you approached by your mother before hand? if not, this is to what I referred to as manipulated. You are still the legal custodian over your son, unless your parental rights are suspended by a judge. Therefore, you have the right to claim your son on your taxes, not your mother. I think here is where others are of the opinion that you are unreasonable as it is quite expensive to raise a young adult (with your contributions of course) . However, if your mother offered to help, it should be just that help without the expectation that she can take your take deduction; unless it was agreed upon before this arrangement. Good luck.

Sorry, your mom can't have it both ways. If your son is her dependent, then she pays for all his stuff. If she wants you to pay for him, then he is your dependent.

That's the WHOLE POINT of claiming a dependent, because so much of your money goes to supporting the person.

Best of luck to you!!

WOW - this is a weird situation. Did she tell you that she was going to claim him in advance? Does it cost her more than $200 a month to support him? I am not sure what to think about this.

From your update - I would have to say that it is fair that you do not pay her the $200, but ultimately, will it be your son that pays the price for this? Could she be in some sort of financial situation that you don't know about? It just seems strange that she would change the rules in the middle without even consulting you first and just expect that you would be ok with it. I think you guys need to sit down and really talk things out and find out why she is doing this. So sorry that you are going through this. It must be really tough!

Hello, I am somewhat confused by the IRS part of this, but I will say that it costs much more than $200 a month to take care of a teenaged boy. It's good that you keep up his clothing and medical costs, but there is the electricity that he uses and water as well as the food he eats. There is also the cost of transporting him to and from school and other activities. You might want to consider all of that. I know this because my husband and I had custody of one of our grandsons for three years.
Good luck.
K. K.

This is too complicated for you to get tax law advice from a site like this. You need a tax lawyer to help you figure things out, especially since certain things are very specific per state and per type of situation. You need receipts and itemized lists of expenses on both sides and much more, but this is such a huge mess that it's more than anyone here can help you with.

But for what it's worth, I do think you're being unreasonable. Your son is living with your mother and she's parenting him. You're essentially giving her a very small amount of child support that he deserves, and that she deserves to be repaid for. Whatever your mother is asking for, you need to suck it up.

No - - she decided to claim your son and in doing so got herself paid. It should have been a joint decision between your parents and yourself, but she took that upon herself. I personally do not feel you owe her any more money for anything since she got that same money already.

You didn't claim him on your taxes as well, did you? If you did, whichever of you filed first will be okay. Whomever filed second (or was received second) will have your forms declined.

You now have to pay the IRS some money. Is that because your tax responsibility is now higher because you didn't get the $3000 tax credit for your son? If yes, then yes, you should still pay mom the $200 a month.

If no, and its just the IRS coming after you because she claimed him instead of you, then won't the money that the IRS is collecting go to her for him? If yes, then no you shouldn't pay.

I would consult a custody and tax lawyer.
M.

You did not pay for 50% of his expenses. Your mother did so she should claim him as a dependent...he is her dependent. You are getting off very easy paying $200 plus some clothes, co-pays and prescriptions.

My ex-MIL claimed my son once, and we had a tax war. I claimed him after she did, and she was forced to re-file.

I don't really understand your situation, but I think the person who will get the most back for him should claim him. Then you can amicably work out the sharing of the money between you.

However, your mother doesn't seem willing to discuss this or compromise, so I don't know what to tell you. If she won't budge, none of our advice is useful.

If you are paying for those expenses then he is partly your dependent. By law he can be considered her dependent because he lives with her, however, you are financing his lifestyle AND compensating her. So, if she claimed him and got the money you would normally get, I don't understand why she would expect for you to DOUBLE PAY her???????? She's being greedy and undermining the situation.

Is there any way you can talk to her one on one, get your son back home?

I believe the child has to live with a parent for 182 1/2 days out of the year to be considered a dependent. She doesn't have legal custody but he is living with her, but what's in your favor is the fact you are providing for him across the board financially.

IS SHE REPORTING THE $200/mo AS INCOME?????? Hmmmmmm That could be your leverage to force her hand.

Don't be taken advantage of if now your mother is breaching the agreement without feedback from you.

What's fair is fair, right is right, and wrong is wrong.

I already began to judge you from the beginning however, as I read on I can see you have a big dilema if your mother is claiming him however you are paying her to take care of him she cannot claim him as a dependant. You should check with your tax person to see who can officially claim him as a dependent. I would leave your taxes exactly the way they are and tell your mother that you are not going to amend yours and give her the money as planned it is up to her to change her taxes. However in regards to the amount you pay her that is another story I have a child in child care and pay hundreds more for a toddler than you do a teenager and I pay for my child clothing medical etc also. So I can understand where your mother is coming from however she chose a passive aggressive way and feel entitled. The truth is you do not pay enough and if she were the child's father and you had to pay child support you would pay way more. You and your mother should probably renegotiate your terms so that you keep your relationship intact as she is doing you and your son the biggest favor one can do and he will be 18 and a legal adult next year and this will be a mute point for you.

I think your parents should have consulted you first before deciding to take your son on their taxes. While he is living with them they are not providing the majority of his financial care; you are. It looks like they decided to change the rules without telling you and that's no really fair. Since they are basically getting your tax refund by claiming him as a dependent I'd say that they aren't seeing the tax burden their actions have placed on you. You aren't being unreasonable at all.

I didnt think you could claim a child that doesnt live with you anyway. (with the exception of college kids)

I am sorry that I can't relate this dilema very much. But, in my culture, we take care of our parents when they get old. When I first started to work when i was 21, I have paid monthly payment to my parents as a appreciation even they don't need it till now. And, not to mention if they are helping me to take care of my kids. $200 is not much, if your financial is okay, i will let it go.

ok haven't read all of this yet... but my daughter's father gets to claim her on taxes every year. but.. he only gets the child credit. i get to claim her for earned income. she lives with me 100% of the time, he gets visitation. that's why we claim this way. even the online tax programs are set up so you can easily do this. maybe talk to her about that. you claim the child credit, but she claims him for earned income...

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. She should have discussed the situation with you beforehand and the 2 of you could have reached a compromise.

However, you need to look at your current options. What happens if you don't pay your mother the $200 a month - will she still keep your son? When will he be 18? Does he graduate this year? I would take a look at the whole picture and see if you can come up with some type of compromise.

I had to read your post many times as well as what others said.
I think what you are trying to reason out is...
Since she claimed him then she won't have to pay as much to the gov't so she will have money to support him. You are saying since she will be keeping more of her money then she could use that for a while instead of you paying.

It does sound like your mom is trying to get the most out of the situation. My parents claimed me in college but never passed that money over to me so I could pay for my car or insurance. So I do see your point.

What if you guys agree to give the money to the child. Put it in an account with his name so he could be in charge of who gets the money?

Do you have reciepts? Did she give you reciepts on the money that you have paid to her? If so, then I would go ahead and file claiming your son and just plan on getting audited. The IRS can decide who has the right to claim your son. I think your parents are being a little unfair. They don't have a right to change the rules without ever consulting you.

Speak with CPA or an attorney, there is more info needed.You need to protect yourself and your parents from a audit.

And for people that have never been through this, the child does NOT have to live more than 50% of the time.. Also at 17 some of the deductions could have changed..

Many agreements allow for the other provider to claim, but it has to be documented,.