Son Being Bullied by Former Friend, What to Do?

Next time you see this 'ex friend' ask him about it. Call him out gently, just say thats ok not to be friends but you dont want any problems and nothing more. He will be embarrassed and probably stop. If it doesnt talk to his parents about it, most parents are willing to sit them both down and say exactly that.

Some friendships don't stand up to new influences. It sounds like this boy feels more powerful with his new group of friends that look up to him than he did with his friendship with your son where they were on a more equal playing field. Remember that bullying is about power. As long as there is someone around that feels that this boy is 'cool' for being mean, he's going to be mean. As soon as no one feels like that, he'll stop.

As for reporting it, if he is verbally threatening your son, report it. I had to do this when my son was in 2nd and 3rd grade. If the boy touches your son, report it, and/or call the police.

As for approaching the parents, if non of the above have occurred then I would wait until you are having a nonchalent conversation and then say something like 'its such a shame that the boys drifted apart'. In our situation the mom was a school teacher. There were several times at after school events that I could've brought up the subject, but the timing wasn't right. I don't know if she ever found out about it or not, but this year the two boys seem to be getting along.

M.

You're a mother now, so you have to let your insecurities go and always stand up for your children. They need to know you have their back, not saying you don't. I think you should contact the other parents, especially since you have a previous relationship with them. Then if the problem still exist then go to the school. Now, your son may be bullied more, if the parents of the other boy don't really care. They will think you are full of it which that will give this boy more fuel to be a bigger bully. Talk to your son and tell him to always stand up for himself. Third grade to me is still very young but one day he'll have to fight his own battles. Give him the confidence he needs to stand up for himself by having his back. Bullies prey on the weak, and when they aren't weak they will leave them alone.
Good Luck, be a strong momma bear!!!

My son was having problems with bullying in 5th grade. I finally went to his homeroom teacher - she met with my son and me in the school library, after school, to maintain confidentiality. My son told her what was going on - most of which was on the playground out of earshot of adults. She then made a point to be closer, watch and listen more closely, and took care of the problem. Because of the way she handled it the other boys never knew that my son was the one who "tattled".

You need to start with the teacher(s) if this is happening on school grounds. Check you school's handbook and learn the rules so that you can quote them to the administration. Schedule the meeting for after school time or during lunch when the other boys will not be around to see you meet with the teacher. The school needs to be aware so that they can be more vigilant. If this is happening during unsupervised time at school - they need to better supervise the students. No children should be allowed out of sight of the teachers at any time....that is when problems occur.

I agree with Megan on her approach to the other boys' parents.

Most importantly keep talking to your son. Teach him strategies for dealing with bullies. Bullies achieve their self worth through being mean to others - I encouraged my son to do two things (1) walk away and (2) never let them see that he was upset. By removing his response it removed their "power". Hard to impress your friends when the object of your bullying is unaffected by it - in fact, it makes the bully look rather impotent and silly.

Stay strong A. - you are on the right track with this one.

Go to the other parents and speak with them. They may not know that this is happening---or they may be aware. Either way, go to them first and ask them to speak to their child and get the behavior to stop. If that doesn't work or you see no improvement, go to the teacher and principal and ask them to get involved and tell them that you have done XWZ etc. and haven't been able to get the situation resolved. Best wishes! Also, enroll your child in karate or self defense so their confidence goes up and they can defend themselves.

M

I would suggest to your son to stay away from the ex-friend because you can't make them be friends. If the bulling is physical and/or the ex-friend is seeking out your son to pick on...then YES I would contact his parents and make his teacher aware of the situation. Tell your son to stay away from the ex-friend if he is mean and if the harrasment continues then to tell a teacher. This is the age where kids start learning to standup for themselves and how to resolve conflict. This is a tough situation because you want to protect your child, but have to also let him learn how to overcome such confilict. Give him the best advice you can and encourge him to find new friends. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation.

Teach your son to stand up for himself and protect himself from being bullied. As for the confrontation, think about your son and not the person you are confronting, that will make it easier. Imagine what would happen if your son got really hurt in the process, would you be able to forgive yourself for not stepping in? Go with your guts.

The policy at our school is to talk to the teacher first. If the teacher doesn't address it, then go to the principal. If your school is anything like mine, it will be dealt with extremely quickly, and anonymously. Good luck!

You didn't say what exactly your son is experiencing that is bullying. You mentioned the other boy told him he didn't want to be his friend anymore. While that kind of rejection is sad and very hard to watch happen to your child, I don't think that is bullying. Unless there is more to the story. Sometimes kids grow apart. It sounds like this ex-friend is not very thoughtful or concerned that he has hurt your son's feelings while choosing not be be his friend. He was honest when your son asked the question. Now it's time for your son to move on to other friendships too. Talking to the boy's parents or to the school will not mend their friendship, it may very well make things worse. I'd advise your son to avoid him and move on. Kids can be so cruel, and it is so hard to see friendships that used to be so good change so drastically.

There is nothing wrong w/ going straight to the school. Either the teacher or the principal. MOST schools have a 0 tolerance for this thing. My son (2nd grader) was having trouble w/ a kid on his bus and I called the school right away and they told me to talk to the bus driver. I spoke w/ her that Monday and everything's been fine since then. The kid got suspended from the bus from several complaints apparently. You may not be the only one having trouble or complaining so I would say something! Hopefully you can avoid the parents but if not... say something to them too! You could probably remain anonymous to the school if you wanted to.

I agree with the other posts about going to the teacher. Often times they can make subtle changes (like moving desks around) that make a huge difference.

I would also recommend a book to your son titled "Simon's Hook" by Karen Burnett. Its specifically about learning how to respond to teasing and taunting which we all know can lead to bullying. Its a brilliant book that my daughter got in 2nd grade and keeps it still even though she's now in 8th. While you want the bully to stop what he's doing, this book will give your son some easy, kid appropriate ways to deal with bullying as its happening.

In the meantime, help your son develop some friends who will stick by him when he needs them. Often times the bully will single out the individual rather than pick him out of a group.

Best of luck to you.

I think it depends on what you mean by bullying. Is this kid just telling your son he doesn't want to be friends anymore? If he is just ignoring/avoiding your son, that is not bullying. This is a tough lesson to learn, but not all friendships last, and your son needs to move on and play with other friends.

However, if this kid is going out of his way to call names, tease, or create embarrassing situations for you son, that is something to worry about. Any physical contact is, of course, completely unacceptable. These situations can not be ignored. You say you hate confrontation, but don't you hate seeing your son bullied?

Start with the teacher. Let her know what your son is telling you about this kid and that other parents are saying the same thing. Ask her to keep an eye out. See if that improves things. If not, go to the Principal. Ask him/her to talk to the yard duty supervisors. These boys need to be watched and caught in the act. None of these actions should get back to you or your son as a tattle tale. Especially if you make it clear that you are speaking for a group. Other kids are being bullied too, not just your son.

Stay on it. Your son needs to know you are willing to stand up for him. Just make sure it is something you should be standing up for. He needs to learn his own lessons about friendships. Evaluate the situation and make sure it is really bullying and not just the sometimes unavoidable, painful end to a close friendship.

Be brave!