Teacher 'Has It In' for My 7 Yr Old

When my son was 7, his teacher (young) explained to me at a parent-teacher conference that she only explains the math or anything else to her students, just ONCE. They have to get it the first time. Come on, a 7 year old boy is going to get everything the first and only time it's explained???
She suggested that at home, I only tell him once to do things. I looked at her and said, "Well, if I only told him once to get dressed for school, he'd rarely be IN school" got up and walked out. Several years later I heard she had twin boys who were driving her crazy..Justice, I say...so older teachers probably are set in their ways and some young teachers shouldn't be teachers!

I just want to say that I agree with Martha completely. They have 30 days to evaluate him after you send in a written request. Good luck. www.wrightslaw.com has great advice for parents who are going through this process.

This site is HUGE, but it is well worth wading through. I'd especially like to point out the "Is It a Cheetah?" article, and anything on gifted advocacy.

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/ (main page)

http://www.stephanietolan.com/is_it_a_cheetah.htm

You are in a tough spot. I have some ideas for stategy, but they depend on what you want to get out of the situation. Is your goal to leave him in this class and help him learn to meet the behavioral standard as she has set it? Is your goal to leave him in this class and pursuade this teacher to change her techniques so that he is more cooperative? Is your goal for to have the teacher accept a different standard of behavior than she is now? Is your goal to remove him to a class with a more flexible teacher/ teacher who brings out better behaivior/ teacher who keeps him engaged even when he is unable to meet the behavior standard?

I think that the big issue here for you, and what you need to come to terms with first, is what is the nature and cause of his undesirable behavior? This question is going to come up soon, if it has not already, so here goes: is there a possiblity that there is a nuerological basis for his issue? If you go to the principal and make a request to move your son, or you complain about this teacher, the focus will quickly change from her, to your son. You need to know that this will be the case, and be prepared for that conversation. From my experience as an advocate, this is where many relationships become derailed, and quickly, and unforutunatley, the derailment is very difficult to set right once it goes off course in this direction. If you are totally opposed to the idea that there could be a simple, nuerulogical barrier for your son, your school will likely target that, and you, as a difficult parent/child and be less willing to help you resovle this problem creatively. I am not saying that this situation is right, just that it is a reality, and you want to seem like a parent who is working with the school, and not like the one that they feel has caused the issue and thus feel free to ignore, put off, or blame, while they tighten the ropes around your son to show you how wrong you are. That is the situation you want to avoid.

If the converstaion turns to evaluation, or if someone suggests ADHD, know what to do. Once the school suggests a dianosis, they are obligated to evaluate. So decide if you want them to evaluate your son. You may very well, and even if you are generally opposed to this idea, it can work for you in the long run. Behavior that is causing him an issue, or other children an issue in the classroom can be the focus of a behavior plan through an IEP, and this could protect him from the kinds of teacher interventions that you find unacceptable by his present teacher, and would direct exactly what is to take place for your child when he misbehaves, and is legaly required to be only positive intervention strategies and supports, so that may be something you want to have in place.

You may want to know what the results of an educational evaluation will be prior to one that the school suggests, that way, you know what is coming, and will never know less than the school does about your son. You might want to consider getting an opinion from a Neuropsychologist about all of his processing skills and educational functioning, especially since he is reading at such a high level, you will want to see on paper where the highs and lows are in his processing profile so that you know the areas that may be causing him to lose track of his behavior in terms of his intelectual process. For instance, if he is very verbal, very visual, but only average in some output skills like fine motor or visual motor skills, he may misbehave when the classroom expectation calls for him to use skills that he finds more difficult, even if his ablity is average compaired to his peers, compared to his own intelectual functioning, it may seem stupid to him, and it is better to be in trouble for (anything) than it is to feel stupid. A full educational evaluation for your son, will probably give you huge insights into what is going on here, and you can easily argue (via the data) that he is not a "bad" boy, but that there are reasons and strategies that will help him to behave in class. It may not be a diagnosable neurological issue at all, but you should know this before you are face to face with a school evaluator who may interpret the data in a way that you find less acceptable. Just that he is reading at such a high level is probably reason enough for you to seek out a greater, more detailed understanding of his educational profile.

This would be the way I would approach things, if I were advising you as an advocate. First, I would try to get a Neuropsychological evaluation as soon as I could. This may take a while. In the mean time, I would get a calandar, and keep track of every day that your son has a physical complaint, every communication from the teacher, and start saving his work in chronological order. Save notes, emails, etc. You might want to write to last years teacher, and ask her to document the behavior she saw, what inclass interventions she used, and how effective they were, including the progress she saw with your son in his behavior. This is important, if he responded to a particular intervention, you shoud be able to show them, on paper, what was done in class that was successful.

Aproaching your son's teacher is essential. You must do this first, or any discussion with her higher ups will lead you back to her door step, and it will be much more akward. Make an appointment for a parent teacher conference, and treat her with kid gloves. Listen more than you speak, and get an idea of what she really thinks, which you are going to know if you are quiet, and she does the bulk of the talking. You want to ask her questions, and let her fully answer them. First, you want to know what he is doing, and let her get this totally out, even if she is ranting about your son. Bite your tounge, and let her say what she wants to say. Your goal here is to hear how she views it, and him. Then, you want to know what happend just prior to the behavior. She may have no idea, and claim that there is no pattern. Ask what they were doing academically before the behavior, and see if she continues to volunteer that there is no pattern. Then, ask that the behavior be documented according to time of day, educational activity, social interatction, etc, so that you can document that his behavior is global. Go with her suggestion that there is no pattern, and ask her to document that there is no pattern, NOT that you want her to prove that a pattern is there and that you disagree, but go with her suggestion that there is no pattern and agree that you need some documentation that it is like that so that you all can get to the bottom of what is going on. At this point, if you sense resistance from her, assure her that you need this from her for your private evaluator, because you are so concerned about your son, and want to help him.

When you go home from this meeting, write out what you said to the teacher, and send her a thank you email that details what she said she was seeing in the classroom, and what she wanted to do to help him, and what she was going to do to document the "non pattern." Note at the bottom that you wanted to be sure you understood what was going to happen, and ask her to confirm, add that you are willing to do anything else that she requests. Each time you speak to the teacher, you should follow up with a confirmation of what you discussed in an email, and keep a copy.

Dual exeptionality is very common, but being very bright also can create needs that are not nuerological issues. You need to know where your son lies, because my guess is that he has one or the other issues going on, and he is not a "bad boy" at all. Your goal should be to make sure that he gets help so that he does not start thinking of himself in this way, and does not live down to the bad behavoir expectation. It is a myth that very smart children are smart enough to know how to fix these things themselves, they are still children, and my experience is that teachers often have this misconception about very smart children that their behaviors are deliberate choices and that they can control them because they are so smart. It seems to be kind of "duh" to me, but if kids are very smart, they would have fixed it themselves already if they could, and they need some kind of help (based on data) to do so. I also think it is kind of "duh" that kids your son's age all really want to comply and would surely please every adult around them if they could. I really think that adults assist kids into becoming chronic classroom behavior issues by not recognizing when a child needs help and blaming them for what they cannot control by backing them into a corner so that they would rather "choose" to be in trouble than to admit that they cant figure out how to stop getting into trouble. They know they are smart, and it does not compute for them that they can't just fix this either, so it is much more palitable to a 2nd grader to say "I meant to do that...so!" than it is to say, I have no idea why I did that...

I hope this helps.

M.

If your son is very smart, why can't he behave in class? Is he bored? Does he need to be moved up a grade? If your son is being naughty in class, that ruins it for everyone.

i agree with tori. try to keep in mind this woman is a human being. she's not out to pick on your kid, she's trying to do her entire job, dealing with an entire class of children that are all wonderful, special, and deserving, in their own ways. if your child was the one in the desk next to your son's, you might be singing a different tune. i am sure your son's teacher has her heart in the right place. you seem to already have HER pegged as a "tough", "mean" teacher. approach her as a person, and leave your preconceived ideas outside the door. in the end you both just want what's best for the kids.

Sounds like you may need to meet with the teacher and the principle. See what the three of you can do to come up with to both challenge your son and keep him focused. You say he is reading at 7th grade level but how is he in other areas..subjects like math and science? social interaction? If he is also above in those areas maybe he needs to move up or be put in advance classes. An unchallenged bright child tends to not do well and may start getting into trouble. If he is in the wrong class, it is not the teachers fault.

You also need to realize that she does have 24 other children to take care of and teach. She shouldn't have to constantly correct a child who is not confirming to class rules (it is disruptive and unfair to the other kids...they have to learn too). If you don't want him to select a certain series of books, you should tell him that...he is old enough to listen. Maybe you could go in on the days they go to the library and help guide his choices.

My son is a "problem" at school, being smart but also ADHD/Aspergers. So when I heard that his 1st grade teacher had a lot of experience and had worked in special education for a few years, I thought it would be a good match. When she didn't want me to tell her about his issues and what was working the previous year, I should have known things wouldn't go well. She seemed to want to focus all her energy on the kids who needed help with reading. Halfway through the year, the school surprised me by switching my son to a different teacher. The new teacher worked out better. She was younger, had more energy, sensitive to disabilities because of her own, and there was an aide in the classroom because several students needed extra help. For 2nd and 3rd grade, the school has done a much better job of *choosing* the right teacher for my son.

Okay, you have valid concerns that need to be addressed, but I think it is far too premature to ask him to be pulled from her class and demand action from the principal. He can't have been in school for more than 3 weeks probably and although you want to start off on the right foot and deserve to feel okay about his situation, please don't resort to demands from the principal just yet.

That being said, I do feel that she reacted inappropriately and insensitively to your requests about books, etc. As your next step I would ask for a meeting before or after school. At the meeting, don't take your son, but tell her that you feel he's struggling and doesn't want to come to school, etc. etc. Maybe you can brainstorm together about ways to help your son. YOu can also say that last year I know it worked for him when Teacher did XYZ. Don't try and tell her what to do, but tell her what things do work for him and just have a conversation about it.

Yes, your son deserves attention and yes, maybe he does need a little more creative forces to guide his behavior, but he is being disruptive, so keep that in mind. Think if the tables were turned and someone was stopping your child from learning. I don't think your expectations are unrealistic, but you have to remember that all people are different and approach problems in different ways (not saying that he's a "problem" child, just saying..) Also, don't necessarily assume that she spoke to his former teacher. If she puts that much stock in what that teacher "says" then woudn't she be trying some of the same techniques that she tried to help him out? It's also possible that you're right, she did and now she has him labeled and she's fizzling out close to retirement, it happens, sadly.

If a meeting with her doesn't work, then absolutely go to the principal and ask for the principal's help with the problem. I still do not think you should ask your child to be moved quite yet. Doing that could set off red flags for both the principal and the teacher that you are not willing to compromise and be reasonable (which I absolutely can tell is not where you're at by any means through this email). Ulitimately, it may come to that, but this is also a good learning situation for your son that many times in life, you encounter people that you don't mesh with for whatever reason, but you have to deal with them and make it work.

I do hope that this is just misunderstanding and you get the situation resolved. No parent, or child, likes to feel this way and you should feel satisfied when you send your child to school.

In my parental experience, if there is any form of learning difficulty, ADD, etc., the highly "authoritarian" type of teacher will be a major clash for the child (especially males). It is also possible to have an issue and be gifted at the same time.

If I were going to do a psychoeducational evaluation I would do it privately. It is very helpful to know where your child is strong and weak - and may be of great benefit in the learning years to come.

Sometimes children can be scarred from highly authoritarian teachers - there is a difference from firm, but kind discipline and a "do it my way or you are a BAD kid" attitude. Be very careful with that (sounds like you are).

Good luck to you both.

Hi H.,
Just a quick thought. The policy at my son's elementary school is, "Go to the teacher first to resolve a problem." If the two of you can not resolve this issue, then you have the ammo to go to the principal with and say, "Here's how we tried to work it out."

Going behind her back will just set everyone on the staff against you.

On the other hand, it actually sounds like his 1st grade teacher *liked* your son, since she was so willing to work with you to keep him on track. If things don't work in dealing with this teacher alone, this other teacher may be a great support for you!

t

Get him out of there. Document everything, get the meeting with her just so you have enough fuel to go to the principal. Also tell the principal that your son refuses to come to school and makes himself sick so he doesn't have to because of her.
Get him into something he really likes after school, Tae Kwon Do or soccer, swimming, Cub Scouts.
She will hurt his future education endeavors and he will always remember her. This happened to us with our Kinder teacher. It wasn't until his sophomore year in Latin with the wrestling coach that we got some respect for a teacher. Because of our K teacher he lost all respect for all teachers. Nothing I did or tried worked . In hindsight I should have gotten him out in Sept when the teacher told me to get him on Ritalin, that he was unmanageable.

I agree that a planned meeting with the teacher etc would be the best thing and without your son present and without your son even knowing that you are having to do this.
Have you sat in class and watched how hard it is for him to be in the environment or how distracting he may be to the other students which may be why the current teacher gets so frustrated? Try not to be angry with her just try to empathize with what she is dealing with. Chances are your son is not the only "spirited" child in the class.
Do not wear your emotions on your sleeve because all you are trying to do is make it possible for your son to get a good education.
I wonder if a male teacher might get a better response out of him?
He is 7 years old and should be able to maintain himself and listen in class. If he can't and nothing works..... what is anyone supposed to do? Some teachers have magical ways to make things work with certain kids and sometimes it fails.
Have you practiced (played school) at home? How long can YOU keep him sitting and reading and doing math and not misbehaving and staying focused?
Public school might not be the place for him, he might require more one on one attention.
I totally do agree with you on the fact that the soon to be retiring teacher sounds pretty cranky... I'd switch to a younger teacher if you can, and talk to her/him about your child first day in. Him not wanting to go to school is just not an option.... You have a lot of great advice here, I'm sure your problem will be solved soon, make sure to let us know what happened.

Sadly I am an educational assistant, also had a tummy ache on Friday because there was a mean teacher and I cannot take her nastiness anymore.To me or the kids. But about you, I would suggest that you ask if you can change his classroom. Ask the principal privately and explain why. I went through similar things with my son and for every wonderful teacher out there, there were horrible expectations made and there were certain teachers who DO actually pick on our children. I finally had it and switched his school which took some doing but I did it. I was rather sad to do it, thought it might not be a good idea but it paid off. By the time he went to high school he knew everyone there and my worries had been for nought. If you choose to change schools (and that is extreme) I will note that I had to drive my child to the other school in our district because I was across the street or something from where the bus was supposed to pick him up.
There are many schools that would help your child and he could benefit from so many different kinds of classes. I don't think it's the woman's age. She sounds like she was always nasty and for some reason school administrations look the other way at nasty.

It always amazes me when parents admit that their kid is a "handful" and then complain that the teacher isn't dealing with the bad behavior creatively or well enough. How about if he just behaves in school? In first grade, kids are still "babies" and immature behavior is more tolerated. That will go away as he goes on in school. Being a teacher is really hard. She does have 24 other kids who need and deserve attention , too. Having to find the patience to creatively deal with your little challenge might be more than she can handle. I think you need to have a sit down with you, your son , and teacher so she can go over her expectations for following the rules. You need to back the teacher up if you want to help your son. That way he can see his role in the situation. Teacher isn't mean, I choose not to follow the rules and have to face the consequenses. Part of growing up is learning the world doesn't always cater to you.

Martha said it perfectly.. I hope all of the previous posters will read her answer also..

The only thing I will add..
Please do not try to have a conversation about anything with a teacher about her curriculum, your child's special needs, unless you have made an appt..

Back to school night, curriculum night, school carnival..etc. is made for an over all conversation.. Not to discuss just your child.. It is like being blindsided..

Same with the Principal.. Seeing them in the hall is not a time to have and expect them to stop and handle your concerns.. These people are like Doctors.. You need to make an appointment so they can be focused on your needs..

I do suggest you try to figure out why your child has to be treated differently from the rest of the class....

I think the point is that your child is smart and the teacher knows this. My son was held to higher standards for his behavior because he was smart too and we worked with the teachers every year to correct behavior the way they thought would work best. In first grade my son got sent to the principal's office. His punishment was to read the school handbook and write a 1 page paper about using I-statements. The other kid couldn't even read let alone comprehend such a punishment. My son was definitely held to a higher standard. He didn't have poor behavior problems though. His issue was more along the lines of speaking without raising his hand and he wouldn't give other kids the opportunity to answer questions.
I would suggest you work with the teacher versus her working with you if you know what I mean. Maybe you set up a meeting and ask her how she wants to handle and try it her way.
If you tell your son not to choose a certain series of books, you need to make sure he's not bringing them home. If he's looking at them at school, so be it and there's really not much you can do about it but if he checks them out and brings them home, you need to intercept them, tell him not to check them out again and personally take them back to the library. The teacher is right on this one.
If your son doesn't shape up, unfortunately he will be black listed with the teachers and his peers so it's best to get him to straighten up. He's a kid so you've gotta pick your battles but he's gotta learn to behave well in school. Challenge him to do this. Kids thrive on pleasing their parents and teachers and once this clicks for him, it'll be a piece of cake and you'll be smooth sailing through the rest of his elementary years. Believe me they need this discipline to be successful in junior high and high school. My son is now in 10th grade, on the honor roll, plays multiple sports, in advanced classes and working hard so he gets into the college of his choice. He's an excellent student and young man but things could've been a lot different if we didn't ride him in those early years.

.

As a second grade teacher, I must say that maybe it's your child, not the teacher. You need to figure out why he has bad behavior in school every year. Also, you need to tell him that he can't take home that certain series. While she could of handled the situation better, she probably does not have the time to check to see what book each child is bringing home. I would see how the next few weeks go and wait until then to call a meeting with her.

Read Martha R.s .... she said it all.

I have two sides of thinking to this:

1) I do think that having a 'mean' teacher or even one you just don't like can really help build character for later in life. Your son will not get to pick his college professors, boss, etc. and needs to learn to do his work, regardless of how he feels about his teacher. It's really easy for a kid to make that his whole excuse when he doesn't get something done.

2)On the other hand- this teacher's response to your request on parent teacher night was TOTALLY out of line IMO. If she can't handle the heat, time for her to get out of the kitchen! It's one thing if your son has behavioral issues or doesn't listen- a request like yours should have been met and an experienced teacher should have a whole other series of books in the wings for your son to read if the others are bothering him.

My son is a gifted student and kids who are very bright often get bored, which I'm sure you've heard before. At our school they do not pull out for gifted instruction until 3rd grade.

In 2nd grade that bothered me at first- but then I realized that my son was learning so much social structure in 2nd, that it really was important for him to be present in the classroom. Teachers need to remember that children who are very bright and reading at an advanced level- especially boys- are physically and emotionally still just 2nd graders!

When my son began gifted classes, the head of the program taught he and the others in the group a rule that we have found VERY helpful:

You have to learn to PLAY THE GAME OF SCHOOL.

Very bright children often do not learn in the same ways as other kids. They do not want to follow what they perceive as pointless rules or methods and often will just do it their own way. When my son has a complaint like that, I remind him that answering a question in a certain way to just get the right score is just 'playing the game of school', which is all about process. That method has helped us a lot.

In practical terms, I would request a meeting with the principal and the teacher if I were you. Explain that you understand that it is a large class, but that your son' needs are not being met and that you don't think your request about the book series was an unreasonable one.

In the meantime, just keep encouraging your son to read at home, go over his grade level homework and remind him that his teacher probably doesn't 'have it in' for him- she is just older and cranky and even though that isn't much fun, its just the way it is, and he still needs to do his best and do his homework.

If you get any other actual specific incidents of her 'picking' on him, I would go right to the principal and request another meeting with the principal and teacher. Eventually this will get her off your kid's back if nothing else.

Hang in there- only another 6 months of 2nd grade left!!! Good luck!

my suggestion is to set up a meeting with the special education department to have your son evaluated for any learning issues he may or may not have. I do NOT say this because I think there is something wrong by any means. this will force the teacher and the school to take notice of the issues in the classroom your son faces. the processes can be different in my case they evaluated my son then we had a meeting to discuss what they could work on and how including what his teachers responsibilities were in the classroom to him. basically this will force her to be held accountable for his behavior in the classroom just as much as your child will be. there are about 6 people who sit in on the meeting to discuss a placement plan of action including his teacher the principal a person from the spec ed dept and maybe someone from the school district may I suggest to include his previous teacher. this in my opinion is your best plan of action because it shows the strict teacher you are willing to admit your son is not perfect and I know you have made that clear already but this is a declaration to the school and that might reach her and you are getting outside help from the school to help you hold her accountable for doing hare job to the best of her ability until she officially leaves the field of teaching. and who knows maybe there is something small that your son deals with daily that has try to be noticed the sooner the better and I wish you all the best.

Talk with teacher and help her see your for the bright child when one of kids was in the primary she caught on very quickly and was reading at higher level too. I made the suggestion of giving her special tasks like being a reading buddy, help to pass out things given more grown up jobs because her work was done and she needed something else to do to keep her out of trouble. You do not say what he is really doing to be naughty so maybe you can give him something to hold on too to help focus the mind in a better way at our school a piece of beeswax to molded into a small bird or other animal will distract him quietly. If those things do not work and you have more class teachers to choose from then get him switched.Goood Luck
J.

Hi there!

I realize I've come late to the discussion, but I would recommend that you plan on observing your son in this teacher's class. Not only will you get a handle on how your son is acting, you'll be able to see if this teacher's style is a good fit.

I'm a teacher myself, and my youngest had a horrible time with his 2nd grade teacher. I spent 2-3 hours a week observing (during my prep) and I discovered that while the teacher was a very good teacher (I would've loved her as a kid), she was NOT a good teacher for my son.

In retrospect, after I realized my son was misplaced, I should've had him switched to another class, rather than making both of them suffer and having my son do the make up work at home. A very wise principal I once worked for said that it takes three years of good teachers to make up for one year with a bad one. She was right.

Remember, if you choose to do this, please go in with as open a mind as possible.

Good luck!

Go to the teacher and talk to her to fix the problem. Tell her how it is and if she doesn't listen go to the principal. Just don't bypass the teacher and go to the principal because that would never fix you and the teacher relationship it would make it worse. Bring your husband with you also to the meeting so he can keep you calm. Don't worry it will all work out it did for me.

Hi Mom!

I read some of the responses and your update so I'm not sure if my question/respond will be helpful at all... but a shot.

Have you had conversation with your son directly about his experience in classroom? I'm a teacher, and I've had a whole spectrum of personalities in my classroom... and one thing I felt unfortunate is that there is a missing conversation between the parent and the child. For me, it often helped when I sat down with the child and talked. Some parents think it's too sophisticated for a 7 year old, but I teach 1st grade, and believe me, they can articulate well for themselves.

What is essential for the conversation is the follow up. You can ask the teacher when she notices your child losing interest in classroom participation. And channel your questions to your son based on the observations. If your teacher can't provide such information, then ask to observe your son and do it yourself.

I hope this helps. I think the situation is tough for all parties involved.

If it is affecting your son to the point that he doesn't want to go to school, I would request a change of teacher. I would try to talk to the teacher first, though. I had a teacher who was horrible to me for the entire year of third grade. She didn't like me and I'm not sure why, but after I became a teacher I wanted to write her a letter --20 years later-- and tell her how much the memory of her is still such a hurtful one. Strict and loving is great. Strict and stressed or mean is not.

Good luck.

set up a mtg. You are making some assumptions at this point and you may be correct but the only way to help is to sit down and talk. If ur not pleased after the mtg. Speak with the principal. You are ur childs advocate. Good luck.

Momma, I know what you are talking about and I've been right where you are. It's time for you "to nip her bad behavior in the bud". A meeting with her would be futile as she obviously isn't interested in thinking outside the box or even listening to your concerns or input. Some teachers, especially those who have such long tenure, feel like they are above the law and pretty much do and say whatever they want as parents do not take them to task. But let you or your child do something inappropriate and see how fast it gets addressed. You need to document all interaction - positive and inappropriate and then call the principal and demand a meeting between you, the teacher, the principal and the school counselor. If he is gifted or maybe slightly ADD or ADHD, they can and must make some classroom accomidations for him. Show that you are a committed and open minded parent interested in all the children's education experience - but especially your son's. If the principal is scared of the teacher or the teachers union take it to the next level. Your son is young and only in his very primary years of school. You don't want a bad experience to set up a pattern of anxiety and poor educational experiences.

Why is it up to the teacher to teach your son proper behavior. You are the parent and that is your job...bottom line. Your son is in third grade, maybe if you stop making excuses for him he would actually be able to correct the problem. Sounds more like you are labeling the teacher as "strict" and "mean" and your son is taking his cues from you. It is not a teacher's job to come up with creative rules for each child so they can behave in school. Good behavior should be expected and poor behavior should not be tolerated. Sorry, but it sounds like you are one of those parents that thinks everything your kid does can be explained away with saying he is just "spirited" or "high-maintenance". He is a kid that needs to learn to take responsibility for his behavior and learn that poor behavior will have consequences. What are you going to do when he is 16? Follow him to work and make sure his boss is nice to him? You are setting an example for your child that is not realistic. Why don't you get on board with proper behavior at home and stop expecting his teacher to do your job?

Ugh! I hear this story so often and it sickens me. I am also noticing a pattern with older teachers being more prone to this issue. They may be tired, set in their old ways and just about ready to give up. I am a teacher myself, and both my parents were also teachers. My Mom was a first grade teacher for almost 30 years, and she knows how to spot the more energetic ones. She would never be this harsh the first few weeks of school. The teacher does sound like she is labeling your son and has already given up on trying new ideas with him. I am appalled at this because it is only the first few weeks of school. First off, your son may be slightly gifted from what I am hearing. Have you had him tested? He could be bored and not challenged enough in the classroom. I would consider talking to the principal and letting them know that maybe the teacher is not a good match for your son. Principals are supposed to listen to the parents and look at each situation very closely. Unfortunately some principals don’t hear the parents or care; it depends on what school you are at. I have dabbled with the thought of homeschooling because I have seen so many bad teachers out there. I also know the importance of your child going to school, but I can see why some parents pull their kids out to home school. The public school system in very flawed, and you are your childs only true advocate. It breaks my heart to think that a child doesn’t want to go to school because his teacher is mean to him. I see the good in all my kids that I have taught. Even the most troubled can be tamed and learn to love school with the right teacher. I would set up a meeting with her first before you set up a meeting with the principal. You need to let her know your concerns in a compassionate way. Let her know about how your son is scared of school, and you don’t want that. Maybe it will make the teacher realize how she is treating your son and want to change. If that doesn’t work, then go to the principal and get your son in a different class.

Thank you Martha. You have definately helped me see this situation from from a different point of view... Thank you for taking the time to inform parents on what they should do, what they should ask of the teachers/administration...

I too have run into MAJOR conflict with my son, in 2nd grade. (last year)..
and my daugther in 3rd grade (years ago), with difficult teachers.

Unfortunately teachers and administrators DO label children all the time. & No, it is NOT fair. I actually had a teacher tell me he should be tested for ADHD, or ADD, and that medication these days were very effective. When I had heard enough of her bull, I asked her if she was a Medical Doctor and and Educator? Case in point, no teacher has the RIGHT to stear parents into thinking that if their child doesn't sit still and shut their mouths throughout the school day, that they should be considered for needing medication...

Best wishes and I pray that you get down to the bottom of this matter. Your child needs his parents to get involved and help him. I look at school like it should be a partnership. Teacher/Student/Parent....

A good teacher can adjust their style to meet the needs of each individual student, but unfortunately not all teachers are good. I would set up another meeting and see if you can talk to her woman to woman, but is she still refuses to do her job by finding the best way to teach your child, than I would consider requesting a new teacher or moving him to a charter school where they go by strengths rather than by age to schedule learning.

First of all you need to get your son in a gifted program that will challenge him and keep him busy so that he won't have time to be naughty. I am a teacher and everyone has a boss so go to the teachers boss as you have already tried to talk with the teacher. Also let the pshchologist at the school know that you would like your son tested for a gifted program. If he is reading at 7th grade level in 2nd grade he is not being challenged with the 2nd grade level work that is given. How is he in math? Many teacher would love to have a child that is really smart in their class because it makes them look even better. Some teacher don't recognize right away that the child is bored with the work because it is too easy and some gifted children refuse to do the easy work because it is too easy and the teacher thinks they refuse because they can't do the work. Make sure your child is doing his work before he gets busy and getting good grades on the work that he does. Then go to the principal and find out what can be done to help challenge your child so that he doesn't have more stomach aches because he just doesn't want to deal with his mean teacher.

If he's that smart, he should be in a gifted program. Get him tested. So many kids who can't conform in class are bored. He might just need a program that can actually engage him. In Chicago we have gifted schools that childrent can test into. I'm not sure what your community offers.

Set up a conference with the teacher soon, at her convenience. Ask for specific behavior problems and when they occur. Take notes. Is he calling out? disrespectful to her or other children? Just too active for all the sitting of 2nd grade? Make sure you get specifics. Then offer to create a behavior chart addressing whatever issues she mentions, one that would be easy for her to put check marks on throughout the day, ask if she'd rather create one? You will be responsible for giving him lots of praise if he does well on his chart. If she again is uncooperative go home without losing your temper and for the next meeting ask for a meeting with the principal AND the teacher. I wonder if there are other professionals (who probably have masters degrees and years of experience) who earn that much in your area? or just teachers? What teachers make is usually public info so you can see if it is tied into years of experience and degree of education.
I think we, including Anne, are confused about how you describe your son. On one hand you make it clear he is one of the most difficult children in the class, a real handful. later you describe him as average. He can't be both. Obviously he is not average when it comes to reading, and other academics. kids that far ahead in academics are sometimes behind in social skills, i guess its like some kids walk early others talk early their little bodies concentrate on one area of development. Could that be the problem-if so he will get better with time. You say you discipline your child but don't like that the teacher wants him to comply. So I guess we get confused as to what the problem is. I hope things go better when you meet with her again...

Boys are tougher in classrooms than girls. It's their nature - they move around more, squirm more, etc. Teachers have high expectations of the smart kids. My daughter is very bright but her 2nd grade teacher considered her to be emotionally immature. What I didnt know until years later is that all the other girls in her class were from a clique of families from the yacht club who all spent weekends together and were very close. My daughter and one other girl (a special needs child) were the only "outsiders" among the girls in the class - which explained why she would sometime cry when the other girls weren't nice. The teacher never noticed any of this.... This was also an older teacher who didn't have the patience for a kid who didn't fit into her expected behavior.
My son, however, was a handful in elementary school. He was eventually diagnosed as ADD by a medical group at the children's hospital. What my insurance company didn't cover I paid for out of pocket becuase I needed to help him get to a point where he would succeed in school. He's had some good teachers and some not good teachers - as has been our general experience in school. His kindergarten teacher picked him out the first day as trouble and it was trouble for the whole year. I asked her if she had any sons - she told me she grew up with brothers and understood them completely....! Clearly - she did not like boys and I've heard the same thing from a lot of other moms of boys. My son (now a teen) still talks about that awful year of kindergarten...
Bottom line - there will be teachers that are not good for your kid. It's a fine line to walk between being an advocate for your kid and becoming someone that the school administrators hate and then take it out on your kid. I have found that honest positive compliments of the good teachers grease the wheels for negative comments about the marginal ones. If the principal knows I have a balanced judgement she is more willing to hear what I have to say. I suggest that you meet with the teacher - write a note in advance explaining the items you want to discuss. In the meeting don't attack her or her methods - she has seen it all over her many years of teaching. Instead admit that you may be "one of those moms" - be self-effacing - explain that you just want the best for your child and you understand that she is balancing what's best for most of the kids in the class. Offer your help. Explain that your child finds some subject scary (my daughter did). (But if, for example, the book series is about dogs and that's your child's fear don't expect alot of compromise - if it's about witches, ghosts or vampires - that's another subject). Ask if there's any other book series she's familiar with. She may have been using this one particular series for 15 years and doesn't want to adjust her lesson plans... but if she used another series a few years back and she's familiar with it she may be willing to compromise. Ask for her advice on ways you can help your son - this will help you see her perspective on your son. Be open-minded. Follow up with a summary of your meeting and ask if you can re-convene in a month to check on "his" progess (and hers obviously). By taking notes you're in a better position to request action from the principal if needed.
I've told my son that fidgeting and wiggling are fine, even humor is OK - as long as he's not distracting other kids from learning, or the teacher. And most of all he must be respectful of adults and other students.
Finally - as the mom you know your kid best. I've learned that although difficult teachers are tough, they are a part of life lessons. Often time you can talk your child through these times in life ("I know it's not always easy, I know she's not your favoirte teacher, but you are a smart, resilient kid and even though it's tough I know you can get through this time and look for the good things about this teacher"). I've only requested a teacher change once - and that was becuase there was another child in the class who was (and still is) bad news. I was not at all successful. In 4th grade my son complained about his mean teacher all year long (it was her last year before she retired). For years after when asked how he knew some obscure thing (about a range of subjects: history, geology, fireflies, native americans) he's admit that he learned in it the mean teacher's class. When he graduate from elementary school the following year she came to the graduation and invited the last class she taught to a beach party with pizza, soda, crafts, homemade deserts. More than half of the kids went to the party and my son gave her a big hug. She might have been a "mean teacher" but he learned alot from her and a year later he looked back and realized that she was a good teacher afterall. I still hear about the things he learned in her class. So you never know... although I had considered requesting a change for that grade, I prayed about it and decided not to. And I'm glad I didn't.

My son starting hating school, because he was bored. He had an excellent teacher for kindergarten, but our choices were dim, at best, for 1st grade. I pulled him out and with much fear and hesitancy, we started to homeschool him. He is 7, in the 4th grade and reads at high school level. He learns quickly, so we finish our work fast....and since we have 2 other kids and another on the way AND I own and run a local business, we spend as much time as we can with our kids. They are well-rounded, gregarious, and our 2 year old picks up EVERYTHING from them...like Giganotosaurus, which is a genus of carcharodontosaurid dinosaur that lived around 97 million years ago during the early Cenomanian stage of the Late Cretaceous Period. LOL She also knows what a Cumulonimbus cloud looks like and why it's formed....adn this is from hearing our conversations. We aren't trying to produce genuises, but we also aren't going to stifle their potential.

Homeschooling was a scary option for us, because we weren't sure if we could do it, but our son LOVES learning now AND I get to watch his face light up every time he learns something new. It was WAY easier than I thought it was going to be....and NO HOMEWORK after school....so they get to play - you know, like kids should. He loves learning again!

PS I have a friend who's daughter was coming home from school everyday with a stomach ache. I told her to try homeschooling and she freaked. It wasn't for her....but after being in the nurses office during school with stomach aches, her mom pulled her out and started hoemschooling her last January. This year, she pulled all 3 kids out and is homeschooling all of them. Here is her blog, just for entertainment. I love her writing!

www.pittsysplace.blogspot.com

I also have another friend who sends her kids to a charter school 3 days a week and then homeschools them the other 2. There are so many options these days!

I tend to agree with everyone else, maybe he should be in the gifted program or even skip a grade. In defense of teachers they are over worked, underpaid, and generally end up dealing with all sorts of things that are actually the parents responsibility.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt until you actually speak face to face with her. Its very difficult to gauge a reaction from email and be correct about it, especially when you are on the defense already thinking it might be bad.

NOW that being said i had ISSUES, notice i said issues as in plural with my sons 2nd grade teacher last year, she has all of the little requirements for homework that must be met or she will deduct, the only problem is A: she doesn't tell anyone that they must be met (i.e. paragraphs minimum 8-10 sentences) and B: she didn't follow her her own guidelines or check her spelling or grammar when she sent notes home, which made it hard for me to take her seriously when she deducted on his papers for it.

My neighbor is having issues with her this year as well, she yells at students and in general either needs to change to sub teaching, or needs to be spoken with about her classroom behavior.

BACK TO YOU though, meet with her, and if you still are not satisfied, go to the assistant principal or principal and discuss your feelings with them, then ask for a mediated meeting with her and whichever one you spoke with.

This teacher is beyond reaching, as her terse answer proved. Go to the principle. He/she may be able to have an aide or sub teacher help your son get the attention/direction he deserves. I had to do this for my 3rd grader and it worked out beautifully. She excelled above the norm to begin w/ and w/ a "lazy" teacher was bored, etc. Having someone come along side and encourage and challenge her made all the difference. The Prin. probably already knows the style of this teacher and will be happy to accommodate you. If not...superintendent. YOU are your child's advocate. Go!