Toddler Throwing Tantrum

In addition to all the discussions on discipline and re-direction - try reading the book, "hands are not for hitting' (there is also one called mouths are not for biting). Also, I don't know if time out really works at 2 1/2 from my experience the redirect and watching for triggers of the poor behavior helped more. Let me just say that with my second from age 2 to 31/2 are considered the Play-doh years because we had to keep his little hands BUSY!
Good luck!

She's probably very upset and frustrated and doesn't understand what she's feeling and doesn't know how else to let you know she's upset, especially if she doesn't talk much.

Rather than focusing on what she's doing wrong (ie, the hitting and throwing), help her identify her emotions. Get down on her level and say, "You really want to play longer, don't you? You're sad that Mommy said it's bath time. I like playing, too. Can we play again tomorrow? We'll play again tomorrow, but right now we need to get all cleaned up. Let's take a bath. It's bath time!"

This is a completely normal phase. She's frustrated. She doesn't always know why she's upset. Adults are deciding everything for her, and she's trying to control something in her life. Help her identify the emotion she's feeling, and let her know that you understand. Also, encourage her to use her words to tell you what she's thinking/feeling and to let you know what she wants/needs.

Totally normal!!! You just have to help her through this transition. She still has so much to learn.

Put her in her room. Pick her up and take her there and close the door. She cannot come out until she is not yelling or crying anymore. When she calms down, THEN you open the door and say "Are you done? Are you ready to keep your hands to yourself?" Then let her out of her room. Repeat this every single time. You must be 100% consistent or she will NOT get the lesson at all.

She doesn't understand this. She really doesn't. But what you are teaching her is that there are unpleasant consequences for her unpleasant behavior. Eventually when her brain is more developed, it will make sense, and separating her from you, not allowing her to have attention for her hitting you, will finally click in her brain and she will stop doing it. (Btw, negative attention is still attention.)

The next thing you must do is get her help with learning to communicate. She is 2 1/2 now and should be doing a lot more talking. One of the reasons she hits is because she is frustrated with her lack of abililty to make herself understood. Call your ped and ask for a referral to a speech therapist for an evaluation. You need to get her some help. I really mean that. Your ped should have talked to you at her 2 year well visit about her ability to communicate.

Don't take no for an answer from your ped. Don't agree to wait until she is 3. You need to get her some help now. Meanwhile, try to help her get across to you what her needs are. Ask her questions. Ask her to point. "Do you want some water? Say wah-wah. (she tries) Good job saying wah-wah! Here's some wah-wah.".

The last thing I want to say, is when she goes to hit you, grab her hands and hold on to them VERY firmly, and don't let go. She won't like it, but you should do it anyway. Say to her "hands are for helping, not hurting. We don't hit." When you think you've got your point across, then let go. If she hits you again, she's in her room.

Good luck,
Dawn

This is a hard behavior to break. And it can take some time. When she does these things, be consistent. If she throws a toy, calmly say "Thats too bad, toys aren't for throwing" and take it away. Don't give it back to her for a few days. Remove her to her room, put her in her crib or bed and shut the door.
Same thing when she hits, kicks etc. Calmly, but firmly say "We do not hit/kick" and put her in her room. Tell her you can come out when you are ready to be nice. If she screams and cries leave her in there until she calm. And say nothing to her until she is. That can be hard, but any interaction keeps you as her captive audience.
Trying to reason with her at this age is pretty pointless. Bottom line is she needs to get her anger in check. And yes its very hard when they are this small and have little communication skills. You can continue to work on teaching her to talk and communicate with you. But trying to ask her what shes mad about, will probably lead to more frusturation. Im going through this w/ my almost 2 year old. He doesn't hit me, but he screams and throws things.
When he does, I remove whatever he threw and I dont give it back. I tell him to ask for help or use his words but I don't linger on it. Then I put him in his crib for a few minutes and tell him "No screaming" I go back and get him when he quiets down. It really does seem to be helping

See if your library has books on baby sign language. Kids have words in their heads but can't always communicate and it's super frustrating. Some kids really benefit from having the words to use as they learn to say them.

It's not a fun behavior, but it's normal expressions of frustration. Just keep up with "we don't hit" and "toys are for playing, not throwing". It's all about repetition and reinforcement of the good behavior.

Read The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Karp.

You have to establish some authority with her. Right now, apparently you have none.

It once again amazes me that people think a child learns hitting and other violent acts (throwing, kicking, hair pullling, biting, etc.) from others. These are natural actions; what we "learn" is self-control.

You need to go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and practice being stern. Stern look, stern attitude, stern tone. ONce you have gotten it down, the next time Little Missy rears back to hit you, grab her arm in a firm grip, look her dead in the eye, and in your very sternest voice and with your very sternest look on your face, tell her "You do not (hit/bite/kick) me EVER. Not even playing. You NEVER (hit/kick/bite) mommy. Ever" Then let her arm go and walk away from her. Do not pick her right up and love on her, etc. Give her a few minutes on her own to think about/digest what just happened. If If you do it right, you will make an impression. Now, since she's been getting away with it, it will probably take more than once, but eventually she will understand that you mean what you say and that this type of behavior doesn't get her anywhere and is not acceptable to the person she loves the most, you.

I like how the Supernanny handles things; don't know if you can watch old episodes on Netflix of Hulu?

My son is 15 months and the two times he's hit me, I react swiftly so he's already learning that hitting is simply NOT going to be allowed. Be consistent, know what your punishment will be before it even happens. Then react immediately. The timeout should be a timeout from everything. Maybe buy a special rug or special chair that is just for timeouts. A rug can be easily moved from room to room, or to travel with. Let her throw her fit there. If she gets up, don't react other than to silently move her back. This is when you really need to show her who is the boss. After my son is in timeout, I get down to his level, look him in the eye, very simply explain what he did wrong, what he should have done instead and ask for a hug as a "sorry" (since he can't verbalize sorry yet).

One thing I believe in doing with kids her age is giving her some control and power in her life. I don't know how many options you give her. But I find the more options I give kids, the more agreeable they are. Who cares if they were a red shirt or blue shirt, right?!

Also, she's probably having a hard time controlling her anger or frustration. Help her feel heard and give her the words to express her emotions. Like when you see her getting mad at a game, say something like "I get mad sometimes when I don't win too." At least you're empathizing and giving her a word for how she feels. More often than not, if we adults take the time to put ourselves in our toddlers shoes we can feel the injustices too.