What to Say to BIL Who Attempted Suicide

If he said that - a hospital needs to be called and he needs to go in for psychiatric help.

I'm really sorry.

my pseudo big sister's husband committed suicide last year. he had been unemployed for 4 months and thought his family would be better off with out him. My "sister" came home to find him hanging in their barn. SHE needs help coping with the loss.

Please call someone at a hospital and tell them what you told us. I'm really sorry you are going through this. it's not easy.

Just let him know you are proud of him for making the right choice and let him know you are all pulling for him and here to support him with whatever he may need.

Rehab isn't going to do any good unless he IS ready.

BUT you might want to think about getting him held for a psych watch for 72 hours.....for his own safety and maybe they might be able to address some underlying mental health issues that might be fueling his self medicating tendencies.

He TOLD his brother, so I see that as a scream for help.

I am a recovering alcoholic.

When I got sober, I mostly just wanted people to treat me normally.

I wouldn't "say" anything specific. Just be kind and genuine. Maybe just give him a hug or warm smile. Even tho you're not close, be there. Keep your eyes and heart open.
My prayers are with you :))

This is very sad. I've not had to deal with a suicidal person...I've had to deal with some men losing it for a few in Afghanistan.

Nothing will help him if he doesn't want the help. Your FIL could pay thousands of dollars for care or rehabilitation for his son and if he doesn't want help or get better, it will be a waste of time and money.

Call the authorities. Tell them that he stated he took a bottle of Xanax with the intention of not waking up. I believe they will pick him up and take him to the nearest hospital for a 24 to 72 hour psych hold.

My best to you and yours. I hope he WANTS the help

response to ? # 2:

Just tell him you and your family are praying for him and that you are proud of him for getting help.

Your husband needs to take your BIL to the hospital. Hopefully he will be in agreement that he needs help and will be admitted to the psychiatric ward. You can call your local hospital and ask them for advice too. Best of luck! It sounds like your BIL is crying out for help.

Tell him you care about him (if "love" is too strong for your relationship,) and that you wish him the best and hope he can get the help he needs. He truly needs all the sincere support he can get.

Don't say much (or anything)....just that you are here if he needs you in any capacity. Keep it to 10 words or less....and plan it out. Don't feel like you need to expand on it once you do see him. They are men...the less words, the better.

People say stupid things when they are at a loss for words.

My friend's 7 yo son died suddenly in the middle of the night. She was in shock and devastated. I just hugged her and cried with her and told I wasn't going to say a thing, but that my silence was because there was nothing I could ever say to make anything any better.

You should have heard what people said to her at his funeral....it was awful. She looked like she was going to punch some of them...and I would have not blamed her!

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I have witnessed a suicide and it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. He is crying out for help if he told your husband about this. He needs to be evaluated by professionals asap. If he was taken to the hospital for the overdose they should have admitted him to the psych ward for a 48-72 hour evaluation. My mom works at a hospital and all suicide attempts get admitted. I hope you guys can get him the help he needs before he succeeds in killing himself. Thank you for taking him serious and trying to get him help.

I've been close to being in your BIL's shoes ... I never actually harmed myself and I'm not (and never was) an addict, however I DID suffer from severe Clinical Depression which led me to suicidal thoughts. No matter what anyone says, when you're in that pit, you just can't bear to be the way you are but you also can't muster up the energy to do anything about it! What saved me was a fiance' that loved me enough to put me on a plane back to my grandparents (I was 18 at the time and granddad was a doctor). My grandparents did not "tiptoe" around me at all! Grandma would get me out of bed early, make me eat & get ready and do chores. I hated her then cos all I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry, but she wouldn't let me! Grandpa started treating my depression with both homeopathic and "regular" medicines and within 3 months I was well enough to fly back to South Africa on my own (my grandparents live in Italy). "Tough love" can seem cruel, but kindess doesn't help us. My fiance' was an angel, he was super supportive, patient and caring but that simply enabled me to "wallow" in my despair! I thank God every day he loved me enough to ask for help and then send me away for my own good. I'm now 43 and have been happily married to the same man for 21 years. There IS light at the end of the tunnel even when you can't see it! Just be honest with your BIL. He might lash out at you, but he'll appreciate you a lot as soon as he's better! God Bless

YES!! My SIL has tried on 3 different occasions. In my experience, my SIL refused rehab because she didn't want to give up her drugs as well as she felt it would be worse than just dieing. It took a court order to have her arrested where a judge then ordered her to rehab in another state. A counselor as well as an officer escorted her on a flight to the facility. For the first week she screamed and broke all rules by calling people back home to tell them how awful they were to her but after week 2 she showed signs of actually being "present" once again. She was court ordered to 30 days but my in-laws then agreed to pay so she could stay 90 days instead. It was a relief, she is still a work in progress and she is currently working with a state agency to help her with some life skills that will allow her to reenter the work field. She attends classes as well as sees a counselor to help her. She now admits she had a problem and she also admits everyday is a struggle to keep clean but I do believe she wants to be a success story.

Addiction is often the result of an attempt to self medicate away the pain from depression. It is not unusual for addicts to attempt suicide. I would strongly recommend that you find an Al-anon meeting in your area. There you will find many people like yourself, people who want to be supportive without being an enabler. I have gotten much strength and serenity from attending meetings and using the literature. The one thing you can say to him is that you care about his well being, that you are happy he has called out for help and that you support his desire for sobriety. He is probably feeling pretty angry at himself, so if you can let him know that you do not judge him, that you recognize alcoholism as a disease, it may open the very dialog your family needs.
I will remember you in my prayers.

Hello Sally- I'm so sorry that your family is going through this tough time. I can't imagine the kind of pain that he is going through inside. All that you have to say to him is exactly what you said in your post. Tell him that you know that the two of you haven't been close but that you love him, that you are grateful that he is here and getting help. Tell him that you will participate in all aspects of supporting his sobriety and healing.
I know that sometimes it's hard to find the words to say, but sometimes the simple ones are all that is needed. Just keep in mind that addiction is a tricky disease and it never really goes away. He will need all the support that can be mustered, and his emotional development is stunted to the point of where he started the drug use so it is going to take some time to catch up. I pray for your family's strength in supporting him and I pray for his strength to heal the wounds that helped lead to his addiction. Good luck and all the best.
With love,
K.

I love you. I want to be closer to you. I am ALWAYS here for you so know that you never have to carry your burdens alone.

Hi there,
I didn't read a lot of your answers, but the ones I did read didn't mention anything about this, maybe you can say something along the lines of
"I'm proud of you, and I know you will accomplish your goals. Getting healthy is the most important thing."
Not, "I'm here for you". Action speaks louder then words, so if you really want to help him, then literally be there for him.
Maybe focusing it on him instead of all of the people he hurt, might give him a little boost of confidence.
I don't know, it's a really hard situation to be in. If you have never told him that you love him, then don't tell him now..... that would just be awkward.
Just a thought, good luck!

Oh how I hate drugs and alcohol. It has ruined so many lives and family. And it must be horrible to be addicted. Just keep reenforcing to him that you are proud of his decision to get help. I live on a nice quiet street in a middle class neighborhood. The man to the right of me...locked himself in the bathroom and blew his brains out. The son of the man on the left side of me...walked out in the backyard one Sunday morning around 5:30 am...and blew his brains out. What the heck? So sad.

Hello, Don't overwhelm him, but just let him know that you are there to support him in his decision to get sober. He is in for a long recovery and will need the support and love of his family. Maybe the reason you aren't close is because you have been worried about his drug use. Now he and you can put that behind you and build a new relationship. I have watched family members go through this and he really can get into recovery and stay there. If he slips, don't lecture him, just remind him that he can do this.
Good luck.
K. K.

Dear Sally, This must be so hard. Perhaps you could write him a short note of support - that way, you wouldn't have to worry about any awkwardness of an in-person statement, and also, he could re-read it anytime he might need to hear a word of encouragement.
Just an idea. Good luck to your family :)