Why Is It Not OK to Complain About Your Job When You're a SAHM?

I'm a mother who works outside of the home and trust me, I'd have no problem listening to a SAHM vent about their kid driving them nuts all day! I mean, I am only with my kid all day on the weekends and there are some days when he is in rare form. I sometimes think of people like you with five times the amount of frustration I have because you live the life 7 days a week!

It is definitely okay to vent as a SAHM in my book, especially if the only socialization you're getting all day is with people under 4 feet tall with a limited vocabulary and sticky ketchup hands.

oh yes!!! Especially with my in-laws. There is no way I can vent with them because all they do is criticize. But being a SAHM is tough! and sometimes boring. There are just people out there that don't get it. As for me, just thinking about having a job outside of the house seems like a vacation where I can actually have conversations with adults instead of a 6 month old jajaja.

If you want to stay employed, you don't go around bad mouthing the boss or your job/coworkers. You solve the problem, adjust your attitude or look for another job. Complaining is more reactive than proactive.

As a divorced working mom who has her child every day except for dad's 8 measly hour visitation on Sunday (and sometimes that is even cut short) I would get irked when my married friend would complain about trying to find time to clean and shop and cook. Um, you're home all day so you can go any time. Sure, you have to take your kid with you. But after being released from my job at the boss set designated time and rushing to pick my kiddo up from daycare and still then only have less than 4 hrs to do everything you've had all day to and bring my kid with me also, it got to be annoying!

Then I was laid off for the last 3 months of 2009. I thought it was going to be great. I think we ate out more during that time then when I was working! My kiddo drove me nuts. Seriously, can't I even pee without you coming in here???? And now I let my friend vent and not get irked (well, still just a teeny tiny bit) like I used to. At least at work I get breaks w/ no kids. I get the drive time w/ no kids and can crank up the tunes and not feel bad about my poor kids ears.

So I think you can complain whenever you want, as long as your kid is not listening. And make sure you get your night out at least once a month!!

My SAHM friends vent. No biggie. A couple suggestions about ANY kind of venting so that it is more palatable to your audience:

Before you vent about XYZ, make sure you have already called out a few things about your job that are really rocking/positive. It can be hard to support someone who is 100% vent and 0% sunshine.

Support begets support. Are you being supportive of your non-SAHM friends' work vents? After you have listened and given meaningful advice, be very obvious that it is your turn, "That project issue you are dealing with really stinks. But it reminded me about an problem I am dealing with and wanted to get your advice about." and then vent away about how your "client" has been totally demanding lately.

If they your friends are still not supportive, then you may have to be courageously honest and tell them how you feel.

It's ok to complain about being a SAHM! I work but have no problem listening to a SAHM's complaints. But I don't think it's right if they act like I have it so much easier bc I work. We each have our difficulties. Only other time it bothers me is if the mother has more than 2 kids and she complains a lot or in a "poor me" versus funny way. Moms know what they're getting into after the first one or two so after that, why complain? It was your decision to have more than one or two. I don't mind in a kidding, light hearted way but we have a friend w/ 4 who acts like she just has the hardest life in the world. And I think 'well, should have stopped at 2 if you're not the SAHM, lots of kids type." In addition, she has lots of help - nanny, mother etc. Otherwise, complain away! It reminds me working isn't so bad... Being a mom in general is just hard.

I do notice that, and you bring up a good point. I would like to hear others' responses to this bc I have a feeling I should be open to hearing and seeing this topic discussed.

I am a SAHM (for the most part, I also go to school) but have been the career woman too. So I see both sides of the coin.

I am of the opinion (slightly) that when I hear SAHMs complain so much, I get a little bothered by it. I think it's normal to complain to some extent, but I am sore on women who seem to be perpetually put-off by their "job" as a mother every time I see them or visit them or notice their status scroll by on my facebook "news feed" etc. I try not to judge bc I know that EVERY child is different and not every child can be like my two girls so maybe others have it so much worse than me. But I feel hurt bc I wonder if all this anger, resentment, exhaust, annoyance, and pissy mood is finding its way back to the child.

It's different if you are in the office or corporate world and you are moody and your coworkers catch on. They are adults and can pull up their big people panties and deal with it.

When Mommies get so out of it, complain, lose it- etc... little kids don't have the capacity to handle that so my initial reaction to constant complaining is "man I hope the kid doesnt hear this" or "man I hope their child isnt in tune to all this". I'm just defensive of the child, that's all.

Being a SAHM is a tough job that comes with higher standards than "regular" jobs.

Take for instance, the military or police officers. They take an oathe and actually lose some liberties of the constitution bc part of their job is to protect US.

Sort of the same with SAHMs.
We lose a lot of liberties when we make that choice. And when we choose to take on this amazing, proud, wonderful, elite job- we should accept that s**tstorms that will come our way and face them with dignity bc our kids deserve that.

Yeah, I gripe about my job as a SAHM mom all the time. I vent to my poor husband...he's the closest one to me and the poor guy takes the brunt of my complaints. I love my children, I do! I purposely quit my job 11 years ago just to be home with my children but gosh, they can drive a sane person crazy, can't they? I wouldn't want to give my SAHM status up. I can't~ I'm pregnant with our 4th child, God help me! But, yeah, I wish I got "days off." Vacation. What is a vacation anyway???????????????? Haven't been on one of those in such a long time. My husband is funny: he thinks taking a road trip to visit my parents is a vacation. Maybe for him! Not for me, no way. I have to do all the packing...still have to take care of the kiddos, even when we are not at home. This is a great place to connect with other moms who feel the same.

I think that everybody has a gripe, no matter if your boss is 50 or 5. It may be that people expect parents (mothers, particularly) to be this fountain of neverending love and patience. If their boss yelled at them for an hour straight, THEY would be a little nutty, too.

I would seek out sympathetic people to talk to about the kids - like other mothers, especially those who are home. I work from home and previously worked FT in an office. I sympathize with all sides!

I read a blog about a SAHD who had to have his wife take occasional sick days to tend the kids when he was too sick to parent. Maybe your spouse could occasionally do that for you. Take an afternoon for an "appointment" and give you a sanity break. I know sometimes I just want to talk to someone who has more to say than, "I want Wonder Pets!" :) I trade kid care sometimes with a SAHD friend. Do you have a friend you could organize a play date with or trade the kids with?

I agree with what other Moms suggested and wanted to add a thought.

To tred softly when complaining about kids to other family members and friends for two reasons, a child may hear it and internalize that criticism and secondly when people hear the same complaint about someone else it can become a self- fulfilling-prophecy and can change the dynamics of a family -- you always expect that one to get into trouble and they "Can Do No Right", while the other one is "The Good One" and can do no wrong. This happened with my father and his brother and effected how the whole large family viewed my uncle as "The Trouble Maker" when he wanted to outgrow that title and wasn't given the faith in him that he deserved and my father was "Perfect" and that wasn't good for his ego or his relationship with his brother.

Just something to think about. How you present your child to the world is often how the world will see your child and becomes the sound-track of your life and your child's life.

I guess I'm saying, do what you need to recharge your batteries and complain safely.

Of course you can vent!!! Motherhood is the hardest job that you will never be paid for, praised for or given vacation for.

You should feel safe to vent on this site.

Yes, yes, yes! I'm glad you posted this, I feel the same way. It does feel like a job of sorts, and we do need to vent sometimes. I've told my hubby, the difference between my 'job' now & my previous are, I get to leave all the clients that drove me nuts, behind at 5pm. and I'm free on the weekends! My 'job' now is 24/7. Which, I love my daughter to death, and NOT complaining at being a parent, BUT in the same token, we should be able to vent, when needed, without being looked down upon or ignored (in my case), by my hubby. My advice to you... get involved in something when your hubby is home to babysit. (ie.... women's organization thru church, working out, etc.) Whatever it is & stick to it, so your hubby knows you get your break from your job too! :) P.S. Mom's groups are GREAT for venting as well as socializing the kids! :)

I have fit all categories at different times,working mom, full time; SAHM full time; working mom, part-time, etc. DEFINITELY, the hardest, most trying and most needing of intelligence, creativity, patience, energy, endurance and others to vent to is the full time SAHM. I have found when venting with others, SAHM's or career moms, we generally end up laughing by the end of our vents, feel relief, and are ready to return to our jobs. I think one of the reasons that SAHMoming is the hardest job we can have is that our society does not reward us for chosing to raise the children we give birth to. To the contrary, we are often looked on as unintelligent and lazy. This makes it doubly important to listen to, support and validate each other and this includes listening to the gripes. So feel free to vent when there is the need!

I have experienced the same thing too. Just find some other SAHM in your area and save your complaining for them. They are the only ones who will fully understand.

Huh. I work, but have a bunch of friends who stay home. They complain about their job, but I've never seen anyone put off by it. Sometimes I feel judged when I complain about home stuff because people feel like every second I spend with my kids should be flowers and goodness because I'm away from them during the day.

I think that it's just maybe no one likes to listen to other people complain endlessly about things they can't relate to. I mean, no one wants to hear me complain about teaching if they aren't a teacher, because they can't empathize. Are you friends with other SAHMs? Hopefully then you can comiserate instead of complain, if that makes sense.

I hear you. I have learned that it is not ok to vent to women who still HAVE to work and would LOVE to be a SAHM. It really causes them to feel jealous, bitter, and angry. They would love to have our problem.

Well a lot of people will take your vent as you asking for advise. So it is hard to find someone that will just listen and give hugs. I know for that reason I keep my mouth shut.

~My kids do not have ADD or any version of it but Lord knows if I say anything that is what someone else will ask and encourage me to force a doctor to diagnose them~

But yes my kids drive me insane as well. I try to have a good humor about it so not to hurt the kids feelings when I tell them enough my ears hurt. Mommy needs a break go ...just go. They do laugh at me and then they will give me a little peace.

OH! and the chores! they never end.....My husband ensures me one day they will go off to college and then I will miss them and the stuff. lol

Hugs!

Well, venting to a working mom about being a SAHM is often the same as venting to someone who is unemployed and desperately searching for a job about your job. You just sound like an ingrate to them (although you are not). As a Mom who works from home, I know I kind of have the best of all possible worlds, but yes, like you, my kids get on my last nerve sometimes and so does my work. This is to say that you can vent, but you have to choose who to vent to! As a stay at home Mom, you will find willing ears for your venting from other stay at home Moms, but be prepared to listen to their gripes too!

You need to find other SAHM mom friends...these are who I vent to. I agree, its not OK to vent about it to working moms. Because they are much more "busy' than us moms who stay home all day. Or because they are sad that they cannot and don't want to hear it.

All the time! I just complain to my online friends about my daily happenings...that way the hubby doesn't have to put up w/ it and we girls get to share a vent-for-a-vent :)

It is okay to vent about being a SAHM - to other SAHMs!!! It is the same for Moms who work outside the home. They have to vent to other Moms who work outside the home, or their audience can't fully understand, appreiciate, and commiserate with their frustrations. It is all about finding the appropriate audience. It is why SAHMS and WOHMs have Moms Nights Out (MNO) now.

I've been a stay at home mom and a working mother who HAD to work to support two children after a divorce.
I admit I have a hard time listening to the venting of SAHM's sometimes because even though it's not easy, at least you don't have to be up and out of the house to clock in somewhere and put up with other people's grumpy moods and spend your day taking care of everything and every ONE except your own house and kids and responsibilities.
I'm an intelligent woman. I am very proficient at my work outside the home. But, I would give anything to be home and have more time to devote to things that need to be done here.
Staying home isn't easy. But it's hard as hell some days to juggle work AND home.
Some women hate having to work. Some women hate having to be home. I guess there's something to vent about no matter what a person's situation is.
Venting is cool. We all need to do it from time to time.
All we can really do is vent and then count our blessings for what we have.

oh i vent to my boyfriend and parents but not to my boyfriends parents bc we got into a huge fight not too long ago about how i dont work and just stay home with audrey all day and how my bf should get to come home and take a nap or just relax every day after work instead of give me a half hour or hour break from taking care of audrey so i can just get my head on stright again