Work Division at Home

I think it's gender-biased.
I do think the while there are some men that are sensitive/caring/able to
empathize but for the most part men are hardwired differently. Most
often they don't "see" what needs to be done w/o someone blatantly
pointing it out.
I think for the most part, women do a majority of the work.
I know as a SAHM, I do it all except for the outdoor work. He was
slacking off a bit but once I mentioned how he never left his sofa &
went outside anymore, he changed. Went outside more, took care of the
yard again etc.
I have seen by all the people/friends/coupes around me that the women
carry most of the load.
I think women just know how to get it done.
Having said that, I think we can always ask & should ask when we need
help.
Remember to find a balance. Take breaks when you can, don't over do it
ask for help when you need it (but time that right. Don't ask him to help
you fix a leaky gutter right when he walks in the door.

I have been a SAHM for almost 9 years. I do nearly all of the cooking and cleaning and errands. My husband takes care of the lawn and yard work. On weekends, he will usually load and unload the dishwasher at least once, sometimes twice if I'm lucky. He helps with the kids sports, homework, baths etc...regularly.

When we both worked full time, it was more evenly divided. We traded off doing the dishes, laundry, vacuuming etc...

I try to relax when hubby is home. Try being the key word since my kids are only 2 and 3. But mostly I still do the domestic duties. I'd love a "break". Like getting to sleep in while hubby made breakfast. Oh how I wish! But it is what it is. He does maintain the yard and go grocery shopping with me every weekend, though.

I think every family must find their own balance. If you feel overwhelmed at home you need to tell your husband that.

ETA: I have to say, I never have understood how someone could be a "stay at home parent" if all the kids are in school full time. At that point you're just at home. Period.

I think once you have kids NO ONE is ever "off". I don't even understand what that means. If you work in an office you are "working" from 8-6 the same as if you work at home... You have "work" to do from 8-6. But bath time happens at 7:30.... Someone has to do it. So whoever ISN'T doing bath is leaning up dinner and washing the floors etc.

Once you have a kid there is 24 hours of work to do, so everyone pitches in and does what they can, when they can.

Happy SAHM here.

My perspective is that, since my husband is working very hard to support us financially, I am primarily responsible for the following:

Laundry
Morning/Lunch dishes
Household cleaning (bathroom, floors, dusting, etc.)
Kiddo concerns (prep for school/judo; homework/academic help, etc)
Garden harvest/processing food; most gardening tasks
Monday -Friday : solely responsible for meal planning/dinners
School volunteering (we are committed to this)

In the evenings, we switch off with each other: one of us does bedtime with Kiddo, the other does the dinner dishes and kitchen tidy-up. This way, things feel balanced.

In the mornings during school, husb. often makes Kiddo's sandwich since he makes one for himself.

On weekends, husb. is quasi-responsible for dinner. Often, this means going out or take-out; I do not oppose this as we can afford it and he works hard all week. If he does decide to do dinner at home, I will often help him. Admittedly, this is because I'm the person more skilled in this area, not because he insists; he just doesn't have the broad cooking repertoire that I have and frankly, making ONE dish for the dinner is still a break for me, and I like the activity of preparing a meal together. I love being with him.

We trade off on parenting duties and communicate well so that either of us can give the other a 'break' when necessary. Kiddo has judo on one weekday (I take him) and on Saturday mornings, so my husband often offers to take him solo and give me some quiet; other days, I go with him and we walk around that neighborhood, stop in at a cafe for a yummy nibble and treat it like a date. (Kiddo says he can concentrate better when we aren't present in the class and we are honoring this, although we loved watching the class.)

Husb has been doing two shopping trips each weekend since before we got together, and even when I tried to do it during the week on the bus, he still ended up going to the store. He likes his routines. :) So, he does those trips, sometimes solo, sometimes with the family, to get mostly staple items and I do the weekday shopping to get fresh fish and veggies, etc.

As you can see, there's a lot of flex in our routines. Some nights Joe will have to work late and then I'll do bedtime AND dishes... that man works hard, I'm not leaving a dirty kitchen for him. I also ensure that trash/recycling/etc duties are taken care of. I should also mention that Kiddo does help me with some of these tasks, as a kid his age should. We are good at communicating our needs, prioritizing and helping each other out.

Example: I was exhausted from a trip and yesterday, didn't get much done, but was going out in the evening. I rinsed and stacked the dishes before leaving and came home to some sweetness--- Husb had washed out my egg pan, tea pot and teacup so I'd have it easy this morning. Likewise, there are days I can see that Joe is wiped and I'll jump in and help. It's easy to do when both parties are feeling cared for.

Um no, I have been a SAHM for over 20 years and I do ALL the house/kid stuff (unless I'm sick or out of town.)
He pays ALL the bills, and takes care of yard/house repair and maintenance.
Of course I have always gotten "me" time to go to the gym, see friends, take classes, etc. He's perfectly capable of being left on his own for a few hours with the children (now teens!)
But no way. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, kid appointments (school/sports/medical/dental/ortho)? I did 99.9% of that.

I am the WFHP. I pay someone to come in and clean the house weekly. That does NOT mean that I don't clean or pick up daily. However, my kids are 14 and soon-to-be 12 and they have to tow their own weight as well!

In our home, I'm responsible for the cooking, cleaning, meal planning and preparation. I am also responsible for transportation to activities. Since I work from home - I have a lot of flexibility in what I can do.

On the weekends? We share the responsibilities. We have two boys together. One plays soccer. The other baseball and la crosse. There have been times when practices were at the same time, different locations and games...so we go our separate ways.

My husband tries to give me a break...even though I work from home, I get a "nights off" - Wednesday night is family night. We usually order pizza, etc. and play games or watch a movie...Friday night is MY night out - my husband takes care of the boys...and I'm out with my girlfriends or whatever....Saturday night? We might grill or go out. Depends...

My husband takes care of the stuff I break (good thing I married a handy-man!! LOL!!) and the house stuff...repairs, etc.

When I was a full time SAHM? My weekends were FREE...no laundry...no cleaning...I was given a break.

Does this help? I hope I answered your question!

I work PT.
On weekends we both do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.
We don't have a hard divisions of tasks.
Even though my husband routinely works 50-60hours per week, he throws laundry in and grills, etc. weekday OR weekend.

when the kids were home we both worked so it was a different dynamic. i'm a mostly SAHM now, although there's no one to mom except the menagerie! but i think i can state fairly assertively that there's no way either one of us would have expected the partner who worked full-time to then come home and take over everything at home on the weekends.
both parents need a break, and neither parent can expect this happen 100%. in your case it may be that you might take on some of the kid chores, simply because you get less time with them during the week and might appreciate being able to fix their breakfasts and take them to their sporting events. but if you're expected to spend your weekends cooking, cleaning and doing laundry, i think that's NOT okay. ideally you will both structure the weekends so that the house requires minimal attention and you can both enjoy relaxing with the family.
khairete
S.

New SAHM here.
I do all weeknight laundry, cooking, cleaning (generally keeping the house tidy).
Deep cleaning projects I do on the weekends when he can take care of the kids for a while so I can get things done.
My husband enjoys taking our older one to her activities, so we will frequently go together or he will take her if he can make the time. I think it's important that she feels that both parents are there for her accomplishments.

I prefer to shop on the weekends or a weeknight when he is at home, so the kids can stay home with him - I will get done much faster too. Big shopping trips like Costco once a month we do together.

I think it all comes down to communication. Just because someone works outside of the home, doesn't excuse them from helping around the house. But if the SAHP keeps on top of things while taking care of the kids, there should not be too much housework left over at the end of the day and on the weekends. Taking care of kids is a full-time job in itself.

Sports happen when sports are scheduled to happen. The rest of that I did during the week while my ex was at work. The only cleaning I did on the weekends was loading dishes and cleaning up spills. I never considered my children a chore so pretty much my weekends were off as well.

My husband and I both work, but it's always been my opinion that the main housework is the job of the stay at home parent, for example, keeping the main areas clean (bathrooms, living room, kitchen, etc) and laundry. I'm off on maternity leave, so I've been doing the cleaning and stuff around the house, which makes my husband wish that he could afford to keep me home all the time. :)

However, cooking, shopping, sports stuff, should be both of you, unless it's during the working partner's work hours. In our house, it's always whoever cooks does not have to do the dishes and cleaning up. We do our grocery shopping together.

I do my best, while I'm home, and even when I'm working, to have all the chores done during the week so we can veg out during the weekends. For example, I'll do one chore one day, like scrubbing down bathrooms one day, cleaning the kitchen the next, etc, so that on the weekend it's all done and we can just hang out or go to the zoo or whatever. If I (or I and hubby when we're both working) slack off, then we end up spending all day Saturday doing it and that sucks balls.

Now that our daughter is older she has her own chores. She's currently putting all of the toys in her room away. She can also help pick up around the house, help fold laundry, and rinse off dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Part of our job as parents is to teach the kids how to live their lives as adults, so they get to learn how to do chores. I don't want them to be like a friend of mine who I had to teach how to do laundry when we got to college because his mom always did everything for him.

I think with a little more planning on his part, you can both relax in the evenings a little...together. If he's like most organized SAHP's he'd have the shopping done, dinner prepped, kids clothes picked out for the next day, for example. Those are the things that help keep the evening less stressful and would give you some downtime that you desperately need. In his defense though, not knowing how old your children are matters, since it's really a crapshoot most days when the kids are 4 and under. Not much other than keeping them from killing themselves or their siblings gets done. So, in that case, you'll have to take over for his sanity's sake until the kids are older. You shouldn't be doing everything on the weekends though. That's for sure. Most men have it pretty darn good, either way you look at it. Somehow they avoid a lot of the details and management that women take on in the home. Pretty darn good, I tell you.

I am a SAHM but work part time.
ANY household work and child rearing and responsibilities, does not only happen, during the week. It happens on the weekends too.
Being a stay at home parent... it means they have NO day offs, no vacations, no time off, no breaks, no holidays, and it is 7 days a week 24/7.
Being a stay at home parent, their work does not "stop" just because their partner is now, home.

If my Husband, expected me NOT to do any household/child matters, while he is home, I would tell him he is being unreasonable and crazy.
Because, being a stay at home parent and doing ALL of those things, means you are on call all the time, and doing ALL of these things, all of the time 7 days a week.

AND, just because my Husband is the "Breadwinner" that does NOT excuse him from doing housework too, and child rearing too, AND taking them to their extracurricular activities. Being a parent... is NOT contingent upon if someone works or not. Being a parent, and being a part of a family means... that BOTH spouses, do these things. Just because someone is the breadwinner and the other is not, that does not mean one has to do less housework, than the other. BOTH spouses, should pitch in and take care of the home and the kids.

My Husband helps here and there. He also does ALL the grocery shopping. Because I hate, grocery shopping. Although my Husband works, he does things too. Here and there.
There was a time, when he had this chauvanistic attitude, that just because I was the SAHP, that *I* had to do everything because I am home. Well, so I told him off. It pissed me off. Because that is just a primitive & UNFAIR way of thinking. This is HIS house too, these are HIS kids too, this is HIS laundry too, these are HIS meals too.... thus, HE HAS TO HELP TOO. AND contribute to the household upkeep and child rearing.
That's just the way it is.
And if he, told me how to manage my time and told me what to do and told me that I shouldn't be doing housework/cleaning/cooking/shopping/laundry/child sports while he is home. Then... fine. HE can do it.
In fact, a couple of weekends I.... was so irked by his "expectations"... that when he grumbled to me about how I shouldn't do things when HE is home on the weekend, I said, fine. Then, I... went on strike. I did NOTHING. Because that is what he told me to do. And what happened? Well, NOTHING got done. Nothing. Because I was not doing all that *I* typically do on the weekends for the house and for the kids.
He got the hint.
It was about time.
But... when I did do nothing on the weekend like he wanted me to (since he was home), he got irked. Because nothing got done. But then when I did do things/housework on the weekends like usual, he gets irked too.
Can't win.
It is very frustrating.

Anyway, I don't know if I understood your question. But, although I am the SAHP, *I* expect, that EVERYONE in the house, HELPS. Even, on the weekends. I "work" 7 days a week as a SAHP. My Husband has a traditional job. Working 5 days a week. He has 2 days off because it is the weekend. I have no "weekend."
NO matter if someone is a SAHP and the other is working, BOTH spouses should help. It is their home. It is their kids. That is what a family is. For me, no one is exempt, just because one works and the other does not. It is a joint effort. It is a family. A SAHP parent, does "work."

For me, what a Spouse/parent does, is NOT a matter of who is the Breadwinner or not. It is based on, that BOTH Spouses are parents and live in a home, and have kids, and thus, both Spouses has a responsibility to upkeep the home and do things with and for the kids. It is a matter of responsibility and being a family. Not about who works or not. As a SAHM, I "work" my butt off, everyday, 7 days a week 24/7. And I do that FOR the family and our home.
Weekend or not.

Sure it would be great if I had weekends off and my Husband did everything. But that is not happening.

If you Google search "how much money does a SAHM make" you will be amazed.

I'm at home (I work part time at home too, but super flexible) my husband works full time, more than 40 hours.

He is the one that takes the kids to & from scheduled activities. Not just weekends, but always. He often cooks on weekends. He is at the grocery store right now actually, buying ingredients for lunch. He does all the yard work and any tech-type repairs.

Laundry and cleaning is my thing and I'd prefer he stay out of it except to unload the dishwasher and carry heavy laundry baskets. I do most home repairs on furniture and appliances, or I call a pro when it is beyond my ability. I handle all of our finances - savings, investments, bill paying, etc. I deal with all school things that are academic, he sometimes goes on a field trip and attends special events.

I do most all of my laundry and any housework and shopping during the week.

I only do the essentials on the weekend like, breakfast and dishes. Im the one who stocks the fridge with stuff for quick meals for the weekend. This requires planning. In the fall and winter, i might make soup or chili on Friday night and eat it through the weekend. In the summer, ill have something to marinate and grill. I'll make a desert on Friday, also. We usuall go out once both days.

H will mow the lawn and when our kids had sports, we all went to the games. If H has a list to get done with shopping or fixing stuff, he gets that done.

I make most meals through the week and after supper dishes, I'm done. If there is something to do, it will wait till tomorrow. But I don't dwaddle during the day. Except on here :)

If someone were a stay-at-home-person in my house, I would expect the shopping, laundry and cleaning to be done during the week and there to be no need for me to do it on the weekends.

I think when both are home, whatever there is to do should be split up or both work together to get it all done. Unless someone is sitting on the couch eating bon-bons while watching daytime tv, then BOTH are working parents and both need and deserve as much of a break as possible. You both need to work together to accomplish that.

I am a SAHM and hubby works. I do what I can during the week, but we split everything on the weekends/evenings (i.e. he doesn't come home from work and put his feet up and expect dinner...nor do I pass the kids off to him when he walks through the door and I put my feet up).

We help each other. He usually mows. This week we were expecting rain on the weekend, so I mowed. I usually grocery shop. This week we planned a last minute cookout and needed groceries. He went to the grocery store.

Most import thing is that everyone helps and feels appreciated! Many hands make light work.

I was a SAHM for 11 years. I always did all of the cooking, but I like doing the cooking. On the weekends when my husband is home he takes care of the clean up after the meals. He also does the yard work (although I actually enjoy doing the yard work) if I didn't get it done myself during the week. He does all of the household repairs and maintenance (ie cleaning gutters). I still do the laundry but I do get him to help me with it (carrying baskets up and down stairs, transferring loads from washer to dryer etc). I usually tried to have all of the housework done in time for the weekend so we could just enjoy the weekend.

On weekends, I still do about 80%. Hubby makes breakfast one morning and we will cook dinner together, but I still get up, do the laundry, cleaning, feeding, etc.