Worried About My Husband's Health

I know how you feel. My husband isn't obese by any means, but he is about 30-40lbs over weight. I worry about his health too since his uncle died of a heart attack at 30 and his dad almost died of a heart attack at 40. The only advice I have is for you to make the grocery list of items you want for the meals you will make and try to get him to stick to the list. If you have to, simply give him just enough money to cover what you want from the store. I would also start watching the Biggest Loser together. It's a great show with lots of inspirational stories/contestants. Good luck and I hope this helps.

If you husband is a reader, pick up "The Heatlhiest Kid on the Block," by the Sears doctors. It can be used for entire families to change eating habits. Maybe if he sees the horrible things junk food can do to his kids, maybe he will want to change his eating habits. It has changed mine greatly. I don't want to eat anything with high fructose corn syrup, artificial colors, or transfats any more. I hope this helps.

I recommend a Nutrional Therapist. Kaaren Chinello is starting a weight loss group in January and my husband and I plan to join it. She also takes clients individually. Her "diet" recommendations are tweeked based on each person's metabolism. No one diet fitss all people. I understand it's a protein heavy diet geared for lifestyle changes as well as weight loss. Kaaren has been working with me to improve my overall health and wellness. Kaaren's contact info is:

Office: ###-###-####
Direct: ###-###-####
E-mail: ____@____.com

Good Luck!

As a person with a weight problem, I can tell you that nobody can make you ready to lose weight. You have to be ready to do it. When you are ready, you need to see results in order to stay encouraged.

I have found HMR through El Camino Hospital (Palo Alto Medical Foundation) to be very effective. Weight loss is treated as a medical condition and the people working there are strict and tough, but caring.

I was on a medically supervised program where I drank nothing but shakes for 6 months and lost 65 pounds. Some people will say that this isn't healthy. Let me say again...medically supervised. That means that I saw a Doctor every week and had blood work done every other week. Expensive and not covered by insurance, but it works.

I highly recommend it if he is ready mentally.

I know what you are going through, Rae, and there is not much you can do until your husband decides to take responsibility for his health. My husband has struggled with his weight all his life, and I was very scared that we would lose him at an early age. Last spring he made the decision to take control of his health, and he has lost 100 pounds and 12" off his waist. He cut out the starch/carb side dish for the adults and stopped drinking alcohol and eating sweets. He makes beautiful salads with protein for dinner, and neither of us feels like we are dieting. We also work out with a Nintendo Wii game called Active. We each work out 20-30 minutes, 5 days per week in the privacy of our living room. He is the cook and shopper in the family, so I really needed his support in order to take these steps myself, and now we are living a much healthier lifestyle. I am so proud of him for making these changes for himself and for our family, but I could not force him. Your husband needs to get to the root of his food/body image issues and choose to be healthier for himself. Your support is an asset but not the solution. I wish you luck!

I totally understand. My hubs is also overweight. I tried the nagging, and the not buying stuff, but he just bought it while he was at work. I started making a weekly menu for dinners, and slowly evolving it to healthier choices and now, on his own, we have salad or wraps every Tuesday/Thursday, and he has cut all soda out and has got strickly to water during the day with the exception of Milk with either breakfast or dinner. I learned it has to be on his terms. I volunteered to go on bike rides, walk, do workout videos at home with him, ect.

hello,
i totally understand about your husband not wanting to go to the gym. just start small. you both can go walking around the neighborhood for 30 min. then gradually go longer & at a faster pace. it takes time to work up endurance. maybe purchase some dumbells and he can do dumbell excersises for the duration of a 30 minute show. eventually there will be progress. you dont need alot of money to get physically fit. you can also go to a school track and walk up and down the bleachers. there are alot of things you can do. with the eating, the no. 1 thing i would start to reduce is salt, its not good for an overweight person to have alot. as soon as you start cutting it out of food you will realize that you dont need so much of it. cook simple & clean, no fried foods. bake chicken breast with italian dressing and vegetables & brown rice. everything will become easier and less of a burden if you start small. YOU BOTH CAN DO IT!!! im rooting for you!

i have been on alli for about a week, it has stopped my eating of fat in its tracks, because i dont want the side effects, he could try that.
gyms and exercise are boring. maybe you could go walking together on the weekend, i found a pedometer to be a good motivational tool, i used to walk on the spot to try and reach a certain goal every day - now i have a toddler i dont need to do that lol, i get plenty of exercise chasing her!.
exercise doesnt make much difference in how much weight you lose, it makes you healthier and more energetic, but the thing that helps us lose weight is eating less.
all this advice from someone who is 50 pounds overweight and has tried every diet in the book lol

I'm so sorry. My best friend is also overweight and I worry about losing her at an early age, too :(
You said your husband does the grocery shopping, does that mean he's doing the cooking as well? I would try keep it positive by looking up some tasty, healthy recipes on line and trying them out together. Not to get "daddy to lose weight" but to start making better food choices as a family. If he likes soda and highly processed foods this is going to be hard. But if he enjoys cooking and eating REAL food, there are so many good options: grilling rather than frying, eating less bread/pasta, etc.
An evening walk would also be an effective and gentle exercise and a nice way for you and your hubby to spend some time together. Good luck :)

oh honey, I'm sorry, what a weight (literally) to bear..
Why not put the whole family on a "diet", which would mean all healthy foods. Put together a meal plan and a list of things he needs to shop for with recipies. Men are creatures of habit and their pride is plentiful. If he sees it as a family move, than I think he would be more apt to try and the boys well, they're boys. They'll eat whatever is there as long as they're hungry. It will take a minute to get used to, but they are never to old for the "eat it or you're not getting dessert" trick.
There are plenty of healthy recipies that taste yummy and are filling. try recipies.com they break it down into easy to use ideas. The good thing too is you can make large portions for left overs which means lunch could be taken care of too.

It's hard to watch the ones you love hurt themselves, but there is only so much you can do, push him towards the right steps, support him as much as you can, take family walks to get him used to moving so he's not as out of breath and in 4 mths, suggest the gym once he knows he can move and not be embarrassed.

baby steps.....

good luck
K.

There is good reason to worry... obesity causes all sorts of things like diabetes, problems with the heart, high bp, etc.

Cooking healthy really helps, smaller portion sizes. How about Weight Watchers... perhaps you could get him to join that... it really works. Another thought is everyone go for a walk each day. I walk in the mornings before work. Check with Craigslist and perhaps you can get some exercise equipment cheap.

Hi Rae,
It's not your fault. Your husband chooses what goes into his own mouth. But, there may be some strategies you can employ to encourage him to care. Maybe you can play into his ego a little bit by saying, "I'd love to go for walks after dinner, but I'm nervous about going by myself because it's dark. Will you walk with me?" - so it's about you, not him. You can start with walking around the block, and work your way up from there gradually. Walking is fantastic exercise and anybody can do it.

Then once you're both into the walking thing, he will probably be feeling a little better about himself. You can say, "I'm so worried about my cholesterol. I heard that cholesterol is the "silent killer" of women and that women don't usually exhibit the same warning signs as men for heart disease. I worry about what will happen to you and the boys if something happens to me!" and then lead into a discussion of different recipes that you'd like to try in order to lower your cholesterol (and encourage him to buy whole-wheat breads, fresh veggies, chicken, fish, hardly any red meat, etc). Again, if you make it about you and ask him for his support, perhaps his protective instincts will kick in and he will get on board for "your" sake.

I know it sounds sort of wacky and stepford-wives-ish, and like he would never fall for it. But I'm here to tell you, it works for me in my household. I think I'm pretty much in charge of everything around here, right down to making most of the money, but if I bat my eyelashes and ask my husband for "help" on something, he steps up and does it proudly to help the little wife with whatever she's struggling with! LOL - hey, whatever works, right? =)

http://www.fatfreevegan.com/ Here is a fun website for fat free recipes. You don't have to be a vegetarian or vegan to add some of these recipes to your meals. Cutting out extra fat and calories is good for all of us!

Hi Rae,

I've seen you respond many times here on Mamasource, and it is obvious that you have a very warm heart. I am sorry that you are feeling so emotional about this....but, you are right to be concerned.

I'm sure you've been told this, but honestly, you can only be there for support....it's up to HIM to want to do somethng for himself and his family. That's probably your sadness because he is NOT doing anything about it.

You can try to encourage him to go walk (and hold hands) 10-15 after dinner (or first thing in the morning). 15 minutes can easily turn into a longer period of time the better he begins to feel about himself.

I'm sure you've tried creating a "Menu" for your week with his list of grocery store needs to complete your menu. Yes, he will add in the things he wants, but hopefully he will get the "good stuff" for your dinners, too.

My F-I-L & M-I-L both have diabetes, and it saddens me how they treat their bodies knowing what could happen to them. But, "you only live once" is the attitude they have...I see their point in some "lights"....but it is still sad. My F-I-L had a portion of his leg amputated because he wasn't doing anything to excercise his legs...so I know where you are coming from when you are 'worrying".

But no matter how hard my hubby's brother and sister's try to get them to stick to diet and excercise, nothing works EXCEPT when they decide to do something. My hubby is 1 of 7 children. We probably have a close relationship with my in-laws because we decide NOT to be the one's to tell them how to live. They enjoy being around us more because of it, knowing that any moment we are not going to "strike".

So, in my experience, STOP talking about....your husband knows how you feel and that probably adds more pressure to him. Allow him to feel that you are not pressuring him, no matter how hard it is. Once you've done that, he might be able to "see clearly enough" that he doesn't want to hurt his family more. But, it really is up to him, not you :O)

Hang in there, Rae :O) I truly hopes he comes around.

~N. :O)

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

Hi Rae,
Start making your husband a fruit smoothie before lunch and dinner. It's best on an empty stomach.

When you are watching something funny on TV and start laughing, get up and walk around the couch a couple of times. Bending over laughing can be good exercise.

So if you walk to Baskin-Robbins....they have Sherbert and lite things there too!

Blessings.........

Dear Rae,

I would first like to address your “Please, please, please do not bother to respond if…..” comment. I think a lot of mama’s just pass a question by when they see “don’t bother”. Mama’s who seemingly want a “boxed” answer and to hear only what they want to hear may miss out on valuable advice and responses.

Of course it is NOT your fault that your husband is overweight. You could however, make out the grocery list and plan the menus together.

It is possible to prepare healthy meals and have healthy snacks in the house rather then chips, cookies, soda, beer or other forms of alcoholic beverages, for your family.

I would not cater to the whims of three teenagers. They should be eating healthy too. It is my experience hungry teenagers will eat what’s in front of them, especially if there is limited or no junk food in the house.

Keep a lot of fruit, juice and water on hand. Serve meals with BIG salads, steamed vegetables and smaller portions of lean meat, chicken or fish. Serve smaller portions of your starch dishes such as rice, potato, bulgur (cracked wheat) etc. It is not necessary to have bread and butter on the table. It’s also OK to treat yourself once and a while with a big steak, dessert and the beverage of your choice.

As for your broken exercise equipment, the people who broke it should pay to have it fixed or replaced. (This may mean your teen and his friend might need part time jobs). Truthfully, it sounds like another excuse for your husband not to exercise. He should not be ashamed to go to the gym, I’ve been to more then one and sure there are some cute/handsome buffed out people working out. There are also people, men and women of all ages and SIZES, who genuinely want to improve their health and live longer for themselves and their families.

As a veteran, he may be eligible to use the exercise gym at your local VA hospital at no cost. I’ve been there too and trust me, you see much worse then fat people, but they are exercising to become strong again.

Lastly as mentioned in the beginning, it is not your fault that your husband it overweight. But instead of being sad and worried, be the adult in the house to effect a change in your family’s diet.

Blessings…..

Hi Rae,

I know there would have to be an interest on your husband's part to try this but my good friend has been attending 90 Day Overeaters Anonymous. She has lost significant weight and has been such an inspiration to all of us. It might be something to look into. (The 90 day program is something a little different so if you look at their schedules look specifically for 90 Day.)

I personally am an emotional eater as well. For me the key was to start moving more, get out the door. Last June I signed up with Team In Training. (www.teamintraining.org) They are a fund raising arm for LLS. I had such an outstanding experience - the best coaches and mentorship. I started in June and completed a half marathon last month ... walking! Our walking team had all shapes and sizes.

R

Hi Rae,

I can relate. I emotionally eat at times. Watching TV is a trigger for me!!!!! My mind is bored and I always want to eat. Reading keeps my mind busy, so while hubby watches tv, I read.
When I am dehydrated I crave sweets, and eating in general. Try to get more water in him. See if you can squeeze a little lemon in it sometimes to help alkalize him...if he likes a lot of soda, have him do the lemon water instead. It cuts the grease during a meal just as a coke would but saves you calories and helps you maintain your mineral stores.
8 oz of water for every 25 pounds of weight, is the amount he should be drinking. Dehydration can keep weight on him even if he cuts calories so water is very important. Water is a solvent that will wash the fat out.

Get him on some supplements. Nature calm drinkable magnesium, and chromium if he craves carbs. Cut down dairy. Dairy is fattening. It is dead food, with a lot of antibiotics and millions of dead bacterias floating around in it. plus pasturized milk depletes magnesium. Organic pastures in CA sells raw milk, which is ok in very moderate amounts.

Start juicing- carrot,apple,celery, etc...these are very filling and will help take care of vitamin deficiencies. Omega 8000 is a good juicer, and so is champion brand. put the leftover fiber in pancakes.

Start having him take RAW virgin coconut oil, by the tablespoon, 3 x a day or more. Sometimes it's hard for people to stomach eating it off the end of a spoon. You can get it by mixing it in other things. Hot coaco, or cook your pancakes in it. put on toast.fry shrimp in it. Coconut oil increases metabolism, meaning you will burn more calories. Farmers tried giving coconut oil to livestock to fatten them up, and found it did the exact opposite- it created lean muscular healthy animals. So they switched over to SOY and viola, nice fat animals in 6 months.

Soy and high fructose corn syrup (corn) are the two big weight makers, and top money makers in the USA. With both of these products in almost all of our food supply , it is no wonder that Americans are fat. He needs to look for HFCS and soy in the ingredients list- and avoid it. Soy isolate, soy protien, soy casienate, soy extract, hydrolized soy protien, soybean oil, etc.
The other thing to avoid if you can is too much carbohydrates.
http:www/vrp.com/articles.aspx/prodID=art2506&zTYPE=2
Good luck!
Gail

Just a suggestion. There is an excellent book called "The Yo Yo Diet" by Doreen Virtue that addresses emotional eating as well as other styles. She also has ways to deal with it so you can change your eating habits. It takes a willingness to look at it and do the steps to change. Change is possible.
GOOD LUCK

The best way you can help is to get into the habit of going for walks. An after dinner walk 15-20 mins is a great way to start exercising. You don't need special clothes, gym equipment, or pay for a membership. Another good thing is to get out of the habit of soda and juice. Even diet soda is not good for you (lots of salt). Drink water instead. Many people don't realize how many calories they drink. Definitely encourage him to eat regularly. Many of us fatties have a guilt relationship with food so we put off eating which leads to overeating when we finally do eat. Eating something every two or three hours can help.

Dear Rae,
Your husband's weight is not your fault.
It's a battle he has to want to fight for himself and all you can really do is encourage him and let him know he doesn't have to fight it alone.
My husband was overweight even though I cooked very healthy meals. He also did 99% of the shopping, but he was really good about not buying too much "junk". I did all the cooking during the week and he did all the cooking on the weekends. Sometimes I would make some cookies or have the kids help bake a cake or brownies for a treat. The kids and I would have one piece or one cookie and I would think I'd have some to last for a couple of days......NOPE.
The next morning it would be gone. ALL OF IT. After we went to bed, he would stay up and eat every last bite. So, I started hiding food. I know it sounds awful, but knowing he would eat whatever was left out, I stashed most of it or the kids would never get any. My kids and I aren't real sweet fiends and when we moved, he found all kinds of ziplocks with old cookies and brownies that I'd stashed and forgotten about. He was mad, feeling like I was being dishonest with him. So I came right out and told him why I did it. One person does not need to eat 3 dozen cookies or an entire batch of brownies all in one night with nothing left for anyone else. So, he assured me he was going to go on a diet but he kept having to buy new clothes because he was gaining more and more weight. He started having to leave early in the morning for "meetings", there were times of day no one knew where he was and called home looking for him. I thought he was having an affair and he was. One day, I caught him red handed. He was having an affair with food. I had stopped by his office to pick up a set of keys. It was about 11 am and no one knew where he was. His car was in the lot so I assumed he couldn't have gone far. I started walking. I found him at a chinese restaurant a block away from his office sitting at a table all by himself with enough food for 5 people. Those early morning meetings? He was taking himself out to breakfast. Steak and eggs with hash browns, biscuits and gravy...
He never did get it under control and we're not married anymore. My point is, he had a problem and there was nothing I could do about it. He's 10 years older than me. I couldn't stop him from sneaking food when he wasn't at home.
Our marriage had other problems too, we're not divorced because of his weight. But it was an issue for the whole family, not just for him.

If your husband's weight really bothers him, he will have to do the work. Walking is excellent! It can be done at your own pace, plus you can take the kids or just go by yourselves. Some have mentioned walking after dinner, which is great, but I think it's best to go on a nice walk before dinner. It gets your heart pumping, raises your metabolism, plus all the fresh air might help with curbing the amount of food you feel you need, portion-wise.
My friend's husband has always been a big man. He's 6'4". But now he's 375 pounds. She bought him fancy equipment for home....But he was over the weight limit for using the treadmill. So, she thought they could walk and he'd have incentive to be able to use the treadmill. NO. He even quit mowing the lawn. Diabetes runs in his family too. In his case, he's gained the weight because he's just quit moving. He's only 45 and doesn't want to walk up to get the mail. Swimming is great, but he won't get in the pool in the privacy of their own back yard. She worries all the time about his health, but she worries way more than he does. Or, he's just not expressing it.
Some people hate the word diet because their first thought is losing something or giving up something. In fact, diet also means nutrition. Your diet is what you take in and what your body burns off. I think you should make an appointment with the doctor and/or nutritionist.
It might not even be a matter of how much your husband is eating but more a matter of what and when.
I know you love your husband and maybe you can convince him that even if he doesn't want to have healthy food choices, he should help you make it possible for the kids. You should exercise as a family, but don't use the E word at first. Walking, raking leaves, any outdoor activity will do. It's getting colder, I know, but I also know people who go to the mall so they can get their walking in indoors if the weather is bad.
I hope you get some great advice.
Slip in healthy stuff and exercise as much as you can.
Do it for you and the kids and hopefully hubby will take part and enjoy it. If not, do it anyway.

Best wishes!

In Sacramento there is a great program called Mama Bootcamp which is totally supportive and healthy. They just started Man Camp. It's a totally safe environment for those people who are embarrassed to go to the gym. It's motivating and really teaches you how to exercise and eat for your health. I've been doing Mama Bootcamp for about 5 months now and feel so much better. If you go to www.mamabootcamp.com they should have something about Man Camp on the page. You can also call them. They are kind, helpful and I totally recommend them!

Rae,

Have your husband look into the web site- Sparkpeople.com (or you can for inspiration and support) It is a FREE online diet site- it may be a place to start if your husband is not in a place where he could walk into a Weight Watchers meeting (plus it is free so if it doe not stick- you are not out money). Because it is web base you work at your own pace and having a level anonymity- but there is a great support system built into their program- if you are willing to embrace it. The program itself focuses on cutting back on calories and getting more active- but like WW prides itself on being a lifestyle not a diet- no food is off limits- if it fits in your calorie count for the day.

May also want to to consider some counseling if the emotional eating is really out of control- to address the underlying issues.

I can't imagine anyone telling you it's your fault.

Unfortunately, I can't think of any solutions. Usually for people to change they have to be the ones who are motivated. No one else can make them change.

Hi Rae,
Of course this isn't your fault and anyone who thinks or says so, must not understand that wives can't dictate what their husbands eat or do when they aren't around. I don't know exactly how to help you in this situation, but can tell you a story about my father.
He is 60 and will be 61 in Dec 09. He had a 5-way bi-pass in Nov of last yr (yes - 5-way) and we thought that the surgery would shed light into his eating habits and lack of exercise, but it hasn't as much as we had hoped. My dad was 312 lbs when he went into surgery. The doc explained to him that if he did not lose at least 100lbs, he would be dead before the end of the yr or be back in his office for another surgery. He also has severe high blood pressure and had severe diabetes. His blood pressure and diabetes are sooooo much better now since the surgery that he thinks he is eating ok. He has also lost approx 78 lbs according to him. Most of this was lost during the first 6 mos. when he was doing exactly what the doc said and eating properly, keeping up with his insulin and checking his pressure, etc. as well as exercising daily. even if he only exercised for 15 min per day. All the exercise the doctor requested was for him to walk around the block or down the street and back. Nothing else, but walk. This helped him quite a bit.

Now dad is on weight watchers with my mom (she is also overweight, but otherwise healthy). They are doing ok, but when my dad was here during the birth of my second daughter two weeks ago, he was not eating well. He still eats large portions and more sugar than he should. Esp. since he's diabetic. I feel that if he doesn't start getting back in control, he will be dead soon or rather back in the hosp for another bi-pass surgery. Unfortunately we can not tell him anything about this or he will shut down, get angry or both with us and that's always very pretty. I hate fighting with my dad on this issue, but I am very concerned about his health and also now concerned about my mother's. She is like your husband, where she is an emotional eater. She knows she's overweight and luckily is doing weight watchers to help, but she won't exercise either.

I sure hope this story sheds some light, maybe if you just read the story to your husband it will help him realize where he might be heading.

Good Luck
S. CP

Maybe you could watch the show "Biggest Loser" together? I mean, it's not going to help directly, but it's actually pretty inspiring, and maybe he would learn from watching it. They talk a lot about why they are doing what they are doing, what the diets are like, etc.

My only advice if possible is to sit together and plan the meals and the grocery list. Another option is to ask the doctor to schedule an appointment with dietician for a family appointment so the family can start eating healthier because you are tired of eating unhealthy. Blame it on yourself to reduce the embarassment if you think he cannot see through it. A good dietician will talk about serving sizes and balanced meals