Would This Comment Make You Mad?

Updated on November 06, 2010
J.C. asks from Peggy, TX
61 answers

I was talking to a friend on the phone. I was telling her how the boys in my daughter's class had told her about all sorts of inappropriate things and I had to explain them. I ended with "Boys can be so nasty." She asked me what I said. I repeated it and she hung up. She won't answer her phone or email. We are 45, never have had a fight in seven years, and she has boys.
I also have noticed she seems to limit her time with us now. I know her husband is, but he does that to everyone so we don't take it personally.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have 2 sons and a daughter. I would have never taken offence if my friend had said that to me. You wheren't talking dirrectly about her sons. I have even said something close to that to my own daughter about one of my sons.

3 moms found this helpful

R.G.

answers from Dallas on

It wouldn't make me mad. You didn't say ALL boys are nasty. You said boys CAN BE nasty and that's the truth. As can girls. It wasn't a blanket statement and you weren't referring to her boys. She should have taken it as a compliment that although boys CAN be nasty, her boys are in fact not, so a job well done on her part. If you like walking on egg shells, send her a card and apologize. If you want a thicker skinned friend who you don't need to tip toe around, let it go. Sounds like they were on their way out of the friendship anyway though and just looking for an "out".

3 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

No. I have a son. And I'd know you weren't talking specifically about my son. If she's got a bee in her bonnet, she's going to have to be a bit more forthcoming with explaining why she's feeling insulted.
I see no reason to apologize.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

How would you feel if she said all girls are stupid? Or all girls are sluts? Would you be insulted? Think about it.

I think you owe your friend an apology.

8 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from Washington DC on

She gave you the opportunity to nicely alter your comment with "present company excluded, of course" or "not your boys, I mean," but apparently you didn't and she was done. In your statement, it seems you don't even realize that what you said instantly included all boys. I know I was one who always stuck my foot in my mouth, and I had to be extra vigilant when someone would signal to me in conversation that I said something questionable--a pause, a "What did you say?", a defensive response. It was something I had to really teach myself (still do sometimes--probably even right now writing you) but has helped me communicate my views properly without hurting feelings (which is never my intention). Call your friend and clarify yourself if you value this person as a friend. Good luck. Hope I didn't offend...

5 moms found this helpful

C.G.

answers from Denver on

Try to talk with her, apologize to her, let her know you didn't mean to imply her children were nasty. You've just taken the high road.

If she doesn't accept your olive branch she doesn't accept it.

Always remember that people come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. It may well be this season is coming to an end. Life goes on.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from Orlando on

Like a few others said, I think she was being way too sensitive. But, also if you value her friendship .. leave her a vm or send her an email (since she won't answer your calls) and just tell her you're sorry you offended her, in no way were you talking about HER boys. Kinda silly if you ask me! She is being childish.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I wonder what else is going on! There's something under the surface. I don't know if you'll find out what it is, but your comment surely struck a nerve.

I've known people who took high offense at anything that even remotely seemed like a criticism of their children, but you'd know already if she was like that. Such people have prickles all over them.

If this gal is a good friend, are you willing to write her a letter (yes, snail mail) saying that her friendship is valuable to you and that you want to repair it? Let her know you were making this general observation about boys based only on your daughter's recent bad experience, but you had no intention of extending the accusation to HER boys. You can even apologize for venting (which you were doing in that sentence).

Actually, I'm sure you realize that girls can be just as nasty as boys can. It seems to be an equal-opportunity character trait.

4 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

depends on the circumstances. if it was a laughing comment between good friends, i'd probably agree (it is true in a hugely broad sense, after all. yes, boys can be. often are. so are girls. so if you want to be smooshy, it's a truism that applies to everybody everywhere so has zero meaning whatsover.)
if she's an over-sensitive sort who bristles at everything, roll your eyes and move on. or if you genuinely want her in your life, tell her 'hey, that was a generalized remark, it sure didn't apply to your boys whom i adore.'
but do a little self-examination. it sounds as if it's at least possible that you've been pushing the envelope on this subject, and she's had it. she gave you one last chance to make it right and you didn't, so she's not putting up with it any more. if this is the case, a sincere and serious apology is order, and you should be more careful about being pejorative about boys.
bottom line is that i can't be sure if that remark would make me mad or not. it needs more context. i'm guessing YOU don't think it should have made her mad and think she's over-reacting. it may well be the case, but give 'er a good think before you dismiss it this easily.
khairete
S.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

On the flip side--it was a little girl who taught my son the "F" word.
And another GIRL in his class picks her nose and eats it! LOL
Bottom line it's neither boys nor girl who are the MOST disgusting--it's the kid.
You obviously offended her and you should apologize in a heartfelt way either via voice mail, letter or email. Then--the ball is in her court. If she doesn't respond in a week or two, I'm guessing the friendship is over. Have you made this kind of remark in the past b/c it sounds like she knew exactly what she was doing and by asking you to repeat the sentence--she made her point.
Hopefully you can get past this.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.H.

answers from Chicago on

If you tend to generalize, I can see how she may be ticked off. Has she told you that you generalize a bit too much? If so, she just may just be tired of listening to those kinds of statements, as not all boys are nasty. She obviously took it personal.

An ex-friend of mine always generalized as well and I felt would always say things to get a rise out of me (ie. my mom drove a white car and she would always say people who drive white cars don't know how to drive". I repeatedly told her that there was no proof of it and she shouldn't generalize.

I'd call her and see if you can make mends If she agrees, ask her if you tend to generalize too much and if she says yes, try stopping it, as it can be very annoying. Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

I do have boys, and they can be nasty, but...... I have to think that you have unconsciously made "other" boy remarks. Something had to build up to push your friend over the edge. That one little comment doesn't seem like it would do it.

I think a phone call to your friend and laying all cards on the table would be a good idea if you care about this friendship. Ask her what you have done to offend her, and take the opportunity to apologize and try harder.

Fyi.....girls can be plenty nasty too! You might let your friend know that you are aware of that fact.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from Joplin on

No...wouldn't make me mad, in fact I would whole heartedly agree...and I have 2 myself, a teenager and a 3 year old, love them dearly! You did say "Can be..." You did not say "are always" I think she is being over sensitive, but we all have a moody day here and there so I think it would be best if you broached the topic and said something to the effect that you realize that you may have offended her and that was never your intention. I think a genuine apology can go a long way to mend fences.
Good luck

B.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

I have 3 girls ages 9, 8 and 6. If I tell them something about boys I make sure they know it is wrong by anybody and I say in a funny way boy's are nasty and they laugh. But they walk away knowing what we talked about was wrong and it's not by gender only.

It sounds to me that something else maybe going on becasue that is an odd reaction for saying boy's are nasty regarding something that happened with your daughter.

3 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

HAHAHAHA, you're right, boys CAN be so nasty! I have two of my own. But then I also have a sense of humor and would not be insulted by a comment like that said in gest or with sarcasm.

I think if you value her friendship, you will have to address the issue with her. Maybe she was having a particularly challenging day with her 'nasty boys' (tehehe)! I would say, look I apologize if I hurt your feelings or said something innapropriate, but then I tend to OVER communicate. If she won't answer the phone when you call, maybe just leave a gentle message...I'm sorry, I hope I didn't piss you off, it was just a joke...

I mean we all have those 'zero tolerance' days where everything rubs us wrong, you know? She may realize this now but doesn't know how to reach out, or is just not a 'reach out and fix it' kind of person.

Or you can just follow her lead and back off I guess, but it's a little sad to through a 7 yr friendship in the garbage.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.N.

answers from New York on

i think it doesn't matter if we would find it offensive. she did. i think you should apologize (whether you agree or not. even if not) just apologize, and say you were frustrated and didn't think to censor yourself, and that you didn't mean her boys, more so, the boys in her class.
but no, i wouldn't have taken it offensive is someone had made a remark about girls (i have girls. i tend to brush off stuff like that).

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I am the mother of boys.Neither they nor any of the men in my life are nasty. Go the old school route and send her a card with a heart felt apology. If she doesn't accept your apology, then you can move on without guilt.

I would never say to my friends with girls that "Girls are all silly and empty-headed." or that "Girls are such cry babies." or that "Girls are all so sassy mouthed." Or any other of the girls stereotypes.

Update: I was reading some of the responses and got to thinking...I really wish I had a daughter. I really love my boys and wouldn't trade them. But I have a smidgen of secret mourning for the daughter I never had. Maybe this mom does too and feels it doubly when reminbded that what she has is "nasty"?

3 moms found this helpful

B.A.

answers from Saginaw on

Speaking from a mom who only has girls, a comment like that can be taken offensively. I hear all the time from parents of only boys or who have both a boy and a girl tell me how its so much easier to raise a boy. I get tired of this comment and don't believe it. Its a sensitive issue and although I don't believe you meant her boys are nasty, because she only has boys she can take it that way. Imagine if she always has to hear negative comments about boys, one day you just get tired of it. Although, I think hanging up and refusing to talk to you may be a bit immature. I think she does have grounds to be upset.

(FYI, my MIL who only had boys once said to my SIL that she's so happy she never had girls, she probably would have left the family if she had. Now mind you, I know she wouldn't have, but she does watch my girls for me. She's also ran a daycare for many years and now watches her other granddaughters too. So, did she mean mine were difficult specifically, I can't say....but it still hurts.)

I would try to reach her face to face and apologize.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.A.

answers from Atlanta on

Your friend needs to grow up and put her big girl panties on. If she is going to get all wacko on a comment like that then she has a very long road ahead of her. In my opinion girls can be just as nasty if not worse sometimes than boys but I wouldn't take it personal if someone made a comment to me about that-they weren't saying anything directly to my two girls so why would I care? I know what I instill in my children and if I ever heard second hand about something they said or did they would have to pay the consequences because they know better!

2 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I can't imagine being offended by a comment like that. I have one girl and two boys. All 3 of them can be nasty at times. But generally not. However, if you were having a friend to friend conversation, the fact that she took offense to that is insane. Maybe you shouldn't have said it, but I really don't see anything wrong with it. I think she needs to grow up. If you want to save the friendship do whatever you think is right, but it sounds to me like she doesnt deserve your friendship.

(P.S. - I would NOT continue to call and email her. I had a friendship break u pabout 2 years ago and I told her flat out I no longer wanted any communication with her. I got multiple emails a day and texts like crazy for the next few months. It drove me INSANSE!)

2 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

I think you made a generalization that included all boys and she tried to get you to reconsider your words (by asking you to repeat it) - you didn't catch yourself and she took offense. I think she may have over-reacted, but look at it the other way -- as women, we've been characterized by men as all being in the same mold. People of particular ethnic or racial groups are stereotyped. You, unfortunately, did the same thing. The fact is, anyone can be nasty. But it's not because of their gender, it's because of their behavior or the environment they're in. I've seen posts here about "girls being nasty" - it's not helpful and, frankly, it's not true.

I would leave her a message that you apologize and that you miss her friendship - if you do. You could also write her a letter or send an "I'm sorry" card with a heartfelt note about how long you have been friends, how much you miss her, etc. I would NOT diminish it by saying it was "just" a joke - using the word "just" often minimizes our own actions and pins some of the problem on the other person. "I was just kidding" means "I didn't do anything all that bad, and you aren't smart enough to see that." I wouldn't say "I'm sorry if I offended you" because obviously, you did. Whether she over-reacted or not is not the point - she DID take offense, and the only choice is for you to make it right. If you value the friendship, take the blame. If you don't value the friendship, make a brief apology and then let it go, without trying to see her again.

2 moms found this helpful

C.

answers from Hartford on

Whether or not the comment is offensive to any of the moms on the forum is not the point. Clearly, your friend was offended and that is what counts. But to just hang up on you and offer no explanation - that is ridiculous. You can act the adult and apologize, but I am not sure why you need to because you are being forced to read her mind. I would be more inclined to offer the apology, but also express that you wish she would explain why it was so offensive to her so that you don't do it again. It is so silly for a "friend" to act like that.
C.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.G.

answers from Austin on

Do you have any boys or all girls? I have a boy and a girl. I never "got" boys. Even my own. I'm constantly worried about what is normal. Most boys are obsessed with inappropriate things. Poop, pee, butts, shooting things with nerf guns, etc. ....everything that makes me uncomfortable; but I have a boy and am learning that it is very normal. Just weird to me because I am all girl. My girl seems SO easy. Boys are hard in the earlier years, I think. But boys are easier in the later years. Girls become so jealous and catty (I see it in the classroom already). I dread those years with my daughter. I would definitely apologize. She may feel like you feel that way about her boys and that you are so glad you have girls. Maybe she secretly wanted a girl and feels sad that you think girls are so great and she doesn't have one. Who knows. Let me give you and example....we just found out yesterday that our son told a girl in his class that he was going to beat her up. He is only 5 and after talking to him about it, it turns out he doesn't even know what that means. I asked him and he said he was going to "hold her down on the ground and lock her up" because she was so mean to him. The mother (who has all girls) was probably really freaked out by this because she probably thinks our child really wants to beat her up (this lady has 2 girls). Not even realizing that he has no clue what beating up even means. Testosterone is a complicated thing. Lastly, she is a little pistol herself and pushes the buttons of all of the other kids in the class. My point being is that the boy's behavior is very in your face but the girl's behavior is manipulative. Both inappropriate, however. Her mother doesn't see what her daughter is doing, she only hears about this violent behavior from a boy. I would call her and offer a genuine apology. You are going to have to explain these inappropriate things to your daughter. It's life after school beings. They pick up all kinds of things that we find very annoying but it's a good teaching experience. Trust me, I'm right there with you. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

She is being too senitive she probably thought you were implying the comment towards her since she has boys.

Also I have 2 boys and one daughter. My oldest would never and still doesn't ever teach his younger siblings any bad words. He has never been interested in that type of talk.
Now my 6 1/2 yr that is a different story. My husband and I don't talk like that. He has taught my daughter his younger sister some inapporiate words.
Its like the words have this magnetic pull for him. He always gets in trouble with us for saying. Thank you he is using his common sense and not talking like that at school. Now I am wondering where he is picking it up??
Also if you value your friendship with this lady I would try to make amends. Although I agree with what you said what might offend me might not offend the next person.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.T.

answers from New York on

We all say stupid things that come out the wrong way. Boys can be knuckleheads and girls can be brutal to eachother. I have one of each and they generally have different ways of dealing with problems. Boys tease & insult eachother, when they get really mad they slug eachother and then get over it. Girls can be vicous and gossipy and say horible things, hold grudges and never talk to eachother again. These are generalization of course - and both genders have endearing qualities that we love.

You did say something that was insulting to her kids - but I do think that your friend overreacted. But it sounds to me like she was either looking for a way to separate herself from this friendship - or she's overly sensitive. Have you said things like this before that are derogatory towards boys?

If you want to build a bridge back to this friend send her a brief note saying something like "I miss our friendship. I know I said a dumb thing - I never intended it towards your boys or to hurt you. I'm so sorry - will you forgive me?" Leave it at that. It's more than adequate for this minor transgression. If she wants to cross the bridge you've built she'll call you.

If we lost friends due to stupid comments I don't think any of us would have friends!

2 moms found this helpful

H.W.

answers from Albany on

You made an offhand comment that was directed at a group of individuals who happened to be boys and they had obviously upset you and your daughter.
I think her reaction has taken it to the extreme and that you can't really handle it casually, like some other people have suggested on here. She has turned into the insult of the year, when you could have easily said to her, 'Obviously not your boys, but boys in general...'.

She sounds like she might have her nose out of joint for something bigger than this, so I wouldn't be too worried about this particular 'boys' comment.

I wouldn't have been offended, you made a generalisation that I would have assumed didn't involve my children (if I was her).

People are far to sensitive these days and are just looking for something to be offended about.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

I know I wouldn't be mad if you made that comment to me. I can distinguish the fact that you were generalizing the behavior of boys based on what your daughter was going thru. I mean, it's not like you said HER boys are nasty. Every child (boy or girl) has their moments...and apparently grown-ups do too! :)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.W.

answers from Chicago on

Well, I don't think the issue here is whether the comment would make me angry, but how your friend handled the remark. Usually when one of my friends says something with which I am not comfortable (and vice versa), I let them know why it bothered me. Good friendships can weather the occasional ups and downs, if people just communicate about this stuff. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.

answers from Augusta on

I think she's too touchy. And needs to realize that not all boys are like this but that yes in general boys are disgusting creatures.
I have one of each and mine are opposite from what you'd think, my daughter is the rude , crude, gross one and my son is the neat almost OCD one.
And yes to the one mom that said she didn't believe girls are harder to raise than boys, yes they are , there's 10x more drama when it comes to girls.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Austin on

I have two boys and I would have been offended. My boys are not nasty.
BUT, she shouldn't have hung up on you. She should have said what was wrong and then give you an opportunity to apologize. And you should. Apologize, that is.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

Well I have to agree with you..... :) I have one and well, he does constantly say inappropriate things for his age, while his female classmates are more reserved.. however, girls catch up later on.. Perhaps the word nasty doesn't best describe the boys, maybe rambunctious at times or even more aggressive when it comes to that stuff.. She, herself ought to know since she has sons. you probably hit a nerve with her because she sees at least some of the behavior in her own boys. however, depending how you said , for example you comparing "your" girl to "her" boys. which is prob how she took it,,,, even if you didn't mean it that way. if the friendship matters, try sending an actually card with a note saying what you meant and how sorry you are if you offended her.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Reno on

I have two sons, two male dogs, two male cats and a husband. Yes, males can be nasty. No, they often have no idea how what they say can be horribly inappropriate, despite our best efforts at teaching them good manners.

The same can be said of girls, but for entirely different reasons.

Having said all that, I think your friend is being ridiculous. You didn't say her sons, nor did you imply it (unless her kids are in your daughter's class and you neglected to mention that). If this kind of innocuous comment is enough for a friend of seven plus years to stop taking your calls and emails and limit time with you, I say it's time to find a new friend. Send her a note of apology, explaining that you didn't mean her sons and you're sorry she took offense. Then, find a new friend. Life is too short to share it with 45 year old women who respond to a perceived offense like the worst 7th grade diva.

One nice thing about those nasty boys...if you tick them off, they're not shy about telling you what you did wrong.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.W.

answers from San Antonio on

It doesn't matter whether other people would be offended. It doesn't matter really whether what you said was "wrong." What matters is that your friend appears to have taken offense. I would just call her and say, "I'm afraid I may have offended you, and I'm sorry. I value our friendship." Don't try to justify your comment or make it sound like she was wrong to take offense. There might be somethign else going on, but you'll never know unless you reach out to her.

Good luck with it. Fortunately good friends are willing to meet us halfway.

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

I would talk to her, face to face, and tell her that you really didn't mean to offend her. You weren't directing the comment to her boys specifically (unless you were) and shouldn't have made that generalization that was really meant towards the boys in your daughter's class.

PS...girls can be very nasty too. If not yet, just wait a few years. Some of the girls today can be quite assertive and nasty themselves.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Houston on

I think you need to talk to her. She has taken it personally (I think). Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I am the mom of 2 boys and, yes, that would make me angry. First, it isn't true. Second, it is rude to say that, even if it is how you feel, to the mom of a son. I don't think she should ignore you. She should have immediately called you on it and you should have apoligized for saying it. In my opinion, you still owe her an apology.

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

i have a boy, and am the biggest fan in the world of little boys - but mine is 4 and is obsessed with "poots" (farts), and when he and his dad get going, yes, it is NASTY. and i can only imagine how much worse it will get in the years to come! :)

having said that - it sounds like there's a lot more going on than just this comment. unless she's a raving psycho (which, then why would you want to be friends?) i'm sure there was at least some sort of rational reason for her reaction. if you dig deep and are honest with yourself, you'll probably find it. you need to treat her as a friend who you care about. forget about your feelings being hurt by her actions - focus on what might have upset her. apologize. love her as your friend and let go of the resentment.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from Dallas on

Sounds stupid to me!!! You would think for a 45 year old woman, she could be a little more mature about things. (Is she back in grade school again? LOL) And I do agree and most people that I know who have boys.....AGREE, boys can be disgusting. Maybe she thought you were attacking her for having boys.....who knows. Limit your time with her, eventually she will come around, and if not, her loss. This is not your burden to carry. You did not say ALL or HER boys were nasty, you said "can be", meaning not all....Your friend needs to suck it up and get over herself!!!!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.R.

answers from Dallas on

I have 2 of each. I totally agree that boys CAN BE so nasty. That is not all inclusive. But yes, as a general rule they can be. I used to tell my daughters "boys are stinky and nasty" and I told my sons "girls are mean and manipulative". When it was an actual conversation, I qualified it with "not all, but as a general rule watch out for....". No, I would not be upset if a friend of mine said that to me.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.K.

answers from Charlotte on

I would be offended if my friend said that about boys. I have two sons. How would you feel if she said that about girls? I think you owe your friend an apology and explanation.

J.G.

answers from San Antonio on

It wouldn't have made me mad, no. I'd probably say "Yea - my husband blah blah ..... teaching our son to fart and laugh ....." She sounds over-sensitive. Go to her house and give her a hug and tell her that you in no way meant to hurt her. It was a generalized comment about the boys in your d's class.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

no. you said boys can be nasty. you didn't say all boys were nasty. girls can be too. I mean anyone CAN be anything. you weren't implying anything about the entire sex

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.P.

answers from New York on

No, it wouldn't make me any more upset than someone saying that "women can be catty"- b/c it's true! I honestly don't think she heard you correctly the first time b/c she wasn't listening to you completely. What you said to her is not inherently offensive, but taken completely out-of-context and somewhat in "isolation", she may have been offended.

I would find a quiet time and go to the house. Be upfront and ask her what you said, specifically that resulted in her rapid change in behavior. If she won't tell you, that's her choice, but at least you gave her the chance to do so.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Enid on

"Boys can be so nasty" that wasnt directed at her boys, was not directed to all boys, just boys in general. Im sure shes made a broad generalization before and, we all have. but when there are children tellin your child innapropriate things and shes not really old enough to understand, thats an easy way to explain it. whats wrong with it. boys can be nasty. so what? its not like you were telling her that her boys are nasty or anything... shell either get over it or not. sounds like something petty to fight over. i would tell my daughter that not all boys are nasty- (just most of them! lol) my little sister was in 4rd grade and kissed a boy on the cheek and she just happened to get sick, mom told her boys have cooties and thats why she got sick. moms best friend thought it was hilarious and it was HER boy that my sister kissed.... sounds like ur friend just over reacted.

J.B.

answers from Houston on

No, not at all! I have boys, I wouldn't be offended. They can be nasty!!!!!LOL But we love em'! Hmmmmm, really weird to me. I can't really believe she hung up, I mean you guys have been friends for years so for her to cut you off without even an explanation is bizarre. I think if it were me I would send one last email saying you feel that she is avoiding/ignoring you and if you have done anything to offend her you would like to talk about it so you can at least apologize. If she doesn't respond, I'd let it go. I mean what else can you do!! I had a friend I thought I was close to do this one time. I could not figure it out. I finally asked her directly but she said there was absolutely nothing wrong, she was just tired. Then I heard from my MIL that she was mad bc I didn't take her advice! For me that was just too childish, I just moved on. Best wishes!!

A.N.

answers from San Antonio on

I wouldn't get mad, but then I have girls lol. My friend used to tell me all the time how horrible girls were, how hard they are to potty train, how I would have a horrible time in their teens, etc. Until she had a girl too lol. Just because she took it so serious, doesn't mean you should. You've probably said all you can, just give her time.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Austin on

She's got issues or just a diva wanting to you to beg her for her friendship. Not all boys may say whatever these boys had said to your daughter but boys are much different. I have 2 boys 7 years apart and they are all about farting contests, wrestling, shooting games even though we don't have any in our house and they aren't allowed to watch cartoons with violence. They even like to lick each other at night to try and gross the other out. Boys can be pretty gross. It comes with the territory. Not sure what these other boys said but if it was something extremely inappropriate and you had made that comment to me my response would be something along the lines of, "My boys better not ever say that", "not all boys are inappropriate and obviously those boys are not being raised to be a gentleman and suggest you talk with the parents." I definitely wouldn't have hung up on you. Maybe she regrets not having a girl. She needs to grow up. You don't need the drama. You have enough of your own and hopefully she'll wake up and see how stupid she's acting and confront you like an adult about what she's upset about and give you the option to apologize or explain your comment.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.T.

answers from College Station on

I have 3 boys and know just how nasty they can be.... I have also seen just how nasty girls can be. While the comment would not offend me, it obviously offended her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.D.

answers from Houston on

This comment would not have offended me and I am a mother of a boy, have 5 nieces who I love dearly. There is something to be said about each gender whether good or bad. Since you mentioned that she has been limiting her time with you (possibly distancing herself), then there may be something else going on and she is using your remarks as an excuse to not answer your calls and/or emails. I would suggest extending an apology to her by sending her a card, email, or leaving her a voicemail if you have not sone so. Also let her know that when she is up for a talk or visit, to let you know and be done with it.

Wish you all the best!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

I do believ e you offended your friend. I do understand though. I have a grand daughter and grandson. I tell him girls have cooties and her boys have cooties,,,trying to post pone the girlfriend boyfriend thing. They start so young now a days. Adults have alot of blame in this, it makes me so mad when they say "oh do you have a boyfriend" to my 5 year old granddaughter or the same to my grandson about a girlfriend. They are to young, AS THEY ARE TO YOUNG TO HERE ABOUT THE OTHER THINGS TO. And boys are nastier than girls...you should find out which one it was and contact his mother. If she is going to tell him these things then she should also tell him that he is not to tell it at school. To let the other parents explain it to there kids when they feel its time. Call your friend and tell her it wasnt personal, just upset about what your daughter heard and you were talking about the other boys....

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Nashville on

I would say no and I've been dealing with some drama if u check my profile so I think that your friend is crazy or maybe her phone died and her computer got a virus. who knows.. these things happen. sorry this is happenng to you. Women can be so petty and vendicitive. Why is that. I've been hurt by olmost every woman in my life but men are so much easier to befriend.

Updated

I would say no and I've been dealing with some drama if u check my profile so I think that your friend is crazy or maybe her phone died and her computer got a virus. who knows.. these things happen. sorry this is happenng to you. Women can be so petty and vendicitive. Why is that. I've been hurt by olmost every woman in my life but men are so much easier to befriend.

Updated

I would say no and I've been dealing with some drama if u check my profile so I think that your friend is crazy or maybe her phone died and her computer got a virus. who knows.. these things happen. sorry this is happenng to you. Women can be so petty and vendicitive. Why is that. I've been hurt by olmost every woman in my life but men are so much easier to befriend.

Updated

I would say no and I've been dealing with some drama if u check my profile so I think that your friend is crazy or maybe her phone died and her computer got a virus. who knows.. these things happen. sorry this is happenng to you. Women can be so petty and vendicitive. Why is that. I've been hurt by olmost every woman in my life but men are so much easier to befriend.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from Austin on

Have you offered an apology if she were offended in your phone messages and emails? Something like "I didn't mean to offend you, and I'm so sorry if something I said hurt you". Sometimes we hit a nerve and don't realize it. If your friendship wasn't difficult before and she hasn't seemed extra sensitive, I would pursue the course of trying to make it up.
Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Tucson on

I think she is over reacting. I have 2 boys. You didn't say HER boys were nasty

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.T.

answers from Victoria on

i personally get very tired of some people constantly bashing the male population. espically emails or fowards belittling men. its just as bad as men belittling women. but that pitiular comment would not have offended me. boys can be nasty! that might have been the last straw that broke the camels back. just ask her. it might be a subject most people are tolorating with you. if your a constant male basher. i doubt you are though. but i dont have much more info to go on.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Laredo on

Wow, I'm amazed at how many people would be offended by this. Women can be so dramatic. (ha, see what I did there?) Just kidding, ladies. Don't send me hate mail. :)

Just talk to her about it. That's the real problem--communication.

C.C.

answers from Little Rock on

Well No,...I wouldn't.. Even thou I have 2 teenage girls and when they were younger they picked thier noses and riped it on any surf near them when they "thought I wasn't looking", and or they would giggled went they tooted. At times they still burp or toot out of the blue.. Kids and some adults are nasty one way or another. The kids just need to be tought not to do things out of the privacy of thier home. And Adluts should no better......ANYWAYS!

Maybe your "friend" was looking for something to get mad at you for. For some odd reason and this was it. Women can be "CATTY" too. Or maybe she had a REALLY SH*** day and now she is imbarrest to say I'm sorry.

Hopefully you two are hash this out and become friends again.
Best of Luck to You
CindyC.

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

BOYS ARE NASTY!!!! Have you ever had to clean a boys bathroom? And they become men and men are nasty. Have you ever seen a public mens room? I have boys and a husband. Boys are nasty. Period. But that's ok we love them.
But for your situation - is it possible that was the "straw that broke the camels back?" People sometimes don't react to the big offense, but later after they've stewed over it for a while and then you say one innocent little thing and that's more than they can take. There is probably more to the story. If she wont talk to you, maybe you can send her a sincere letter telling her how much she means to you and ask if you can get together to discuss the what you may have done to ofend her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.W.

answers from Miami on

I hear people say all the time "oh i'm glad i don't have girls they are such hard work and boys are so laid back" Well it doesn't bother me at all because I no I have the best child in the world!!! (don't we all) lol. This friend sounds like she was just waiting on an excuse to stop speaking to you. Just ignore and if she comes round fine but if not just forget about it. Who needs touchy friends like that!! X

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.L.

answers from Houston on

I have a boy and definitely agree they can be nasty! I would not have been offended by this I would have agreed with you. Especially since you did not say "her" boys were nasty. I think she is overreacting, but since she is offended by it you may want to try and speak with her the next time you see her and apologize. I would say something like that comment came out wrong and you meant no offense to her boys you were specifically talking about "the boys" in your daughters class. Hopefully she will understand.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If I were her I would have totally shot back with "yeah-if you mean gross-they CAN be. But if you want to talk MEAN and nasty, that's little girls!"

Sorry-but I am very defensive of little boys. They get a bad rap from moms of all girls. Yeah they can be rough and tumble and have "boy" humor but they are MUCH sweeter/kinder than I find most girls to be. Sorry.

Girl moms are also very quick to want to blame the little boys for everything under the sun when its often their little princess that started it.

Sadly-I really find a divide between parents of boys and girls. And in just my own experience I get the feeling that the parents of all girls only want to hang out with other parents of girls. They get easily annoyed when the boys are around and just being boys. A little loud and rough and tumble-but thats who they are. I will take that any day to how the little girls always want to interrupt the adults to have us watch them do a cheer or a dance or whatever.
And one more thing-many girl moms that I know have already started reliving their youths through their little girls. They are very much into their kid's gossip, social lives and extracurricular activities.

So maybe take a look at yourself and see if you doing any of these things-she may just be annoyed and it was the last straw when you said the "nasty" comment. BUT-she is totally rude for hanging up on you-Who does that?? You are better off without her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Casper on

HI J.,
As I sat here thinking about this, I wonder... do you have all girls? Does she have all boys? I think she could be jealous of the fact that you may have girls and she doesn't have a girl? That underlying jealousy could have made your comment mean "my girls are better than your boys" to her.
I know your comment would not have made me upset. I probably would have agreed. Boys can be nasty and girls can be so mean! Good friends are few and far between I think. Send her an invite for coffee or lunch and then I would ask her what caused her to hang up? What was it that upset her so about your comment? Good luck!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions