I watch three different families children at my home. One family has two boys and they are going through a divorce presently. The parents have moved to seperate residences and the kids don't understand why. Lately, the youngest who turned three in December, has had more emotional breakdowns. He yells at the other kids, throws toys, talks back and refuses to clean up his own messes. I understand that this is probably his way of reacting to his home life but I am trying to figure out how to handle these moments. I need all of the kids I watch to understand the rules of the house and follow them ( there really aren't that many; pick up after themselves, put away toys, no yelling and hitting, and use kind words) I have told him that that kind of behavior doesn't occur at my house. When I talk to his mom it goes in one ear and out the other b/c she is at a loss right now of what to do herself. The brother just reverts within himself and becomes sad. I try to distract them by having different activites to do but it doesn't seem to work well. Today at Mcdonalds they wanted to leave quite quickly and go home. We got back and they wanted to go HOME HOME.
Any advice would be helpful in how to approach the temper tantrums as well as helpping them to adjust to their new lives. I have tried ignoring and just moving the temper tantrum to another room away from the other children. Thanks.
Thanks for everyone's advice. I did start asking more about their time with daddy and how things were going overall. Things have seemed to improve and for the most part temper tantrums have slowed down. The mom is changing jobs and hoping to get into a set mode of life now which will help the structure of it all. Thanks again!!
What about coming up with a plan (ie, 1-2-3 Magic or another discipline technique) and telling the mom what you would like to do? that way, you're making a suggestion and just asking for her approval.
Good luck with this situation. I hope that the family sees peace soon.
Wow...yeah...divorce is really hard for kids to deal with. Basically their entire lives have been turned upside down and they don't know how to cope. Be consistant with the discipline. Don't do anything differently than if they weren't going through this when you need to discipline the tantrums. Then after their time out, try to sit down and talk to them about what's bothering them and try to teach them the right words to describe how they feel. Part of the problem is that they probably don't know how to say "I'm angry that this is happening to us". They need to learn how to identify and express the feelings that they're having instead of lashing out. You also may want to suggest to the parents that the kids see a counselor to help them through this.
tell them that you understand that they are having a hard time at home. tell them if they want to talk and share their feelings with you they can or maybe they can draw some pictures of how they feel(sometimes thats easier for little ones). just let them know that you are there for them and that you, and their mommy and daddy still care very much for them and that what is going on at home is not their fault. but make sure they understand that naughty behavior will not be tolerated and that you are still using the same consistant discilpline and routines as before. right now they need lots of love and costistancy...more than ever before, because their entire home life is in an uproar. if they start the "i wanna go home" bit again tell them...not until mommy/ daddy comes and get you, they are at work. continue to talk to their mom, and ask if it would be OK if they called her at work occasionally, if they start getting really upset...some mommy tlc over the phone might help some.
This is tough. You can try to talk with them about it... they may not have the chance to voice their feelings at home - or feel safe doing do. Many kids take divorce personally so they might be blaming themselves. I think the best thing to do is keep their routine when around you as consistent as possible. Kids feel safe with routine and familiar things. Since things at home are so different, having a "safe" and "reliable" place to go to will help them. Good luck!
Try to talk to to them if you can because divorce can be really h*** o* anyone let alone young children of that age. Ask them if you can sit down and talk to them about what is going on and how they are feeling. Maybe if you can do this and try to tell them that mommy and daddy love them no matter what and always will. Just a thought. I wish you good luck in this situation.
