Leaving Children and Husband for the First Time Ever.

Updated on October 20, 2011
H.S. asks from Kings Mills, OH
18 answers

I'm going on a girls trip to New York City in the morning. While I am unbelievably excited, I have never been away from my kids/husband. The kids are 6 and 3 and they both cried when I put them to bed tonight. I explained what I was doing, and I said I would see them Sunday night. I know they don't really get it, and it makes me sad. I feel like I am coping in a strange way. Making jokes about coming back and the reality of the unknown. I am making jokes because I am nervous. I can't avoid thinking about leaving 2 motherless children. <---- I know!! Why am I thinking the worst? I know it will be all ok. I wanted to ask if any of you write letters to your children just in case the worst case scenario were to occur? Is that silly of me to think of? I want them to know what they are to me, and obviously when I get home, I will throw the letters away. So have u left letters?

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

No letters unless you just want to do something fun for them and have them open up something from you after you leave. But not what you're saying. You'll have fun!! Enjoy!!

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Call them while you are in NY and tell them how super exciting it is.
My husbnad has never written just in case letters and he has deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, among other great vacation spots.
Chances are you will not die.
A very good friend's husband did write letters when he was diagnosed with cancer, he was given 3 months and wrote letters to the boys for all their milestones, graduations, marriage, military enlistment. My friend has them in a box for the right time. He wrote a Christmas letter that they read every Christmas. He died 8 years ago with a 5 and 7 year old at home.
Have a great time.

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Girlfriend, get a grip! You are making yourself crazy because you've gone 6 years without a girls' weekend! (6 years! Woman, it's a wonder you're still sane!)

Go to New York and have fun with the girls. You will have a blast. Don't worry about your kiddos. They will be with their daddy, who will feed them pizza and ice cream the whole time you're gone, and let them watch unlimited TV, and they'll all have a wonderful time. Call them or FaceTime once a day, and that's it! Short and sweet.

Enjoy!! I would looooove to be going to NY tomorrow morning!!

9 moms found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

8 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

No letters! You will go, have fun, and come back and have lots of stories. If you continue on this path I have no idea why you are even going because you aren't going to have fun.

When we went overseas we made sure all financials were in order but that was it. Then again we have had all our wills, trusts and such in order for years. You can be killed getting your mail apparently, do you write letters before you get the mail?

Please I don't mean to make light, I am just hoping I can say something to pull you out of this so you can have fun on your trip. :)

5 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

You can write if you want, but you know what? You are going to be just fine.. Maybe slip some notes for them to find over the weekend.. or give them to your husband to give them each morning.

Your husband is just as capable as you to care for the children, he IS their father..

This is an awesome chance for the kids to really get to know dad and to do things HIS way..

You can never be replaced, but a father can also be an amazing parent when given the chance.

Schedule times to call or skype with the children..

Have a blast! you deserve this break.

4 moms found this helpful

K.L.

answers from Medford on

If you want to write letters for your children for when you are gone from this world, then write them. Dont do it just because of this trip. Do it because if the unthinkable ever happend, youd want them to have that little piece of your thoughts on paper. Reality is, you will probably go and have a great time and be home before you know it and wonder why you even thought about this. But the other side of reality is, you and everyone else in the world could die at any moment. You might walk down the hall tonight and not wake up tomorrow. You could be in an accident in the morning, or next week, or become terribly ill and be gone in a matter of weeks. None of us is promised tomorrow, so if you want them to have a letter,, write it. Just dont make it all about fear of leaving for a wonderful few days with friends. Have a great time!

4 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Put those letters in a safety deposit box with all your other important documents, life insurance stuff etc.

Go enjoy your break!! You deserve every minute of it. The kids will be fine, and so will you!!

Have a fabulous time.. I envy you...

Ps. Bring back some souvenirs for the kiddos. and a li'l something-something for hubby for taking care of the kids.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Never even occurred to me. Now - I did have a relatively new employee ask me to write her a letter of reference when I went on a flight soon after hiring her. I told her no - honestly couldn't believe she was thinking of herself when I might be dead (which of course had not occurred to me before she asked). It's 10 years later, she still works for me and I don't worry when I travel without my son (now 5).

3 moms found this helpful

A.H.

answers from Tulsa on

I have to travel frequently for work and always talk to my son before hand and let him know he is going to have fun and that I'll be back soon. I call him every night to talk for a few minutes. I've never left letters. Honestly, I've never thought of it, but I wouldn't do it. There is a much greater chance that nothing will happen. If something does, there are plenty of things (photos, videos, etc) to remind him that he had a mother that loves him. If it makes you feel better, go ahead and do it. It won't hurt anything and if it calms your nerves, then that's a good thing. I'm sure your kids will have fun while you are gone and you should be sure to have fun too!

3 moms found this helpful

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes, I've left letters. Not silly, practical, who ever knows?

My son was kidnapped when he was 5, I didn't see him again until he was a month shy of 16 years. Reality can be a downer, and I'm not trying to be. I answered your question honestly and from my heart.

Have a blast in NYC : )

2 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from New York on

You will be fine!! Honestly us New Yorkers are nice people really! :-) LOL! My kids sometimes get upset when hubby and I go out on a date *(once in a blue moon when we actually do!) and I handle this with them by saying mommys and daddys need to go on dates sometimes because that makes them happier and nicer to their kids. :-) Mommys need to do special things with grown up girls sometimes so they are less cranky and nicer to their kids...

2 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Write the letters if you want, but keep them short and sweet and uplifting, you don't want to depress yourself or them, over the unknown. Keep them for when they are older.

After being home too much with my kids and husband, I'd be doing cartwheels the entire way to the airport ;)

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S.D.

answers from Colorado Springs on

You will have a blast! It's good for you to get away (finally)!!
On the subject of letters though; what I've done is start a journal for each of the kids (3). In it I put funny things they do, special memories, prayers for them, hopes and dreams for them, how much they are loved and how I am "Super blessed to be your mommy." - this last I say to them consistently. I'm not much of a journal keeper so it has taken me a bit of practice but rather than have one serious "just in case" letter they will have tons of short sweet ones if something happens.
Enjoy yourself! Oh, one tip - many times calling at bedtime to say goodnight only makes it worse for them - you know your kids & if you think that may be the case then I would call earlier to say "hi & love you." Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

You and your children will be fine. Go enjoy your trip with your friends.

Hubby can manage with the children and you need time away, like all moms do.

If it makes you feel better, leave them a "happy" but why the drama of emotional goodbyes that make them cry when you'll be back soon?

Make it an adventure for for them, and you, not negative. Everything will be fine!!

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

6 and 3? They will survive just fine.
Your husband might be a little ragged, but the kids....no prob.
My kids were away from me much younger. I had to be hospitalized numerous times for surgeries and my husband and I travelled. By 6, my daughter was shopping with me and helping me plan my outfits.

That said, yes...I was a self admitted nutcake and wrote letters every time before I had to board a plane. In the event this or that happens to me I want you to know....
It's possible there are still a few around. I travelled A LOT with my husband and even without him. Once I got home, I felt so silly for worrying so much, but I got home safe and sound every time and my kids were no worse for wear. They loved staying with Nannie and Grandpa and thought nothing of it.
They weren't ready to leave when I picked them up, they were having so much fun.
So, I had fun myself.
My notes got fewer and fewer. I wrote things that my mother kept like what was to go where and who was to get what. I basically made out a will every time I had to get on a plane due to my fear of flying. But, it definitely gets easier and the first 10 notes suffice for heaven's sake.
I realized I wrote things to decrease my anxiety and if it helps you, then do it.
But, have a great time and don't worry about dad and the kids. My kids were pros by 6 and 3. They didn't cry when I left because I didn't cry. I assured them mommy would be back and so far, I always have been.

You will get back safely too.
If the notes make you feel better, write them.

I'll never forget one time my husband and I were flying to Colorado for a business trip. It was the worst flight of my life. There was thunder and lightening and wind and the plane was whipping all over the place. To make matters worse, my husband and I had to be on stand-by because of the weather and our seats weren't together on the plane. I started crying and begging for my life. Not for MY life, I just didn't want to leave my children that way. I was making the poor guy next to me nervous and he told the stewardess to get me a drink. Which she did. One of those little bottles of vodka. But I'll bet you there are still fingernail marks on the sides of the seat where I sat.
I have flown a lot of places and never been that scared. I was sure glad I left a note!
Of course we returned home perfectly safe and my mom had no need to open the envelope containing my anxious ramblings.

I did feel better for writing things down. As time went on......I just stuck a little "I love you and can't wait to get home!" note in the kids suitcases.

You'll be fine. I understand thinking the worst, but you will get home safely, your kids and husband will be fine and you'll be glad you went.

Trust me.
Stay positive so you don't freak your kids out.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I've been going on girls' trips and getting away from my kids and my husband since my oldest was 4 months old! I simply cannot HANDLE anyone 24/7 and find that I need breaks to keep my sanity. I've never left any sort of note. I suppose if I were going away for an extended amount of time to a war zone or something, it might occur to me, but it really never has before. Enjoy your trip!

1 mom found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I'm late on this so you are probably leaving now!! Go and have a wonderful time, they have their dad to take care of them. I would always try to pump up that situation...that my daughter would be with Daddy. I agree with the others, no letters. Often times I would mail a post card even if I made it home before it did...fun for them to see a post card from where I was. I always called home once per day, hubby can always text if there are minimal questions or if he wants to say "I love you" but don't make this a job, you are on a girls trip. Kids and dads need to realize mom needs some time too,

1 mom found this helpful
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