Need Help Disciplining

What everyone says about the "timeout chair" works really well, and the one minute per year is also appropriate. One thing to remember, she won't like it the first few times, and may also get into power struggles once she realizes that you won't accept this behavior. For my boys, the timer didn't start until they stopped throwing their temper tantrum. Once the timer dings, remember to give her a hug. It lets her know that you still love her, even though you don't always like her behavior. If she won't sit still in the chair (she's too rambuncious), you may want to try having her stand against the wall, with her hands on her head so she can't figet, but let her see everyone. This worked for my youngest. He is now 10, but is severe ADHD. Even at that young of an age, he couldn't sit for even a minute per year. But when he is given time to calm down, where he can't figet, but could still see what was going on around him, he would calm right down, and be much better afterwards.

This may sound weird, but I would flick my kids fingers when I wanted them to listen. A flick is hard to imitate and it does not encourage hitting. It stings enough to hurt, yet will not leave a mark, unless you really really flick hard, which is hard in itself. Be consistant too, make the same punishment for the problem each time, even in public. As for the food throwing, that means she is full, so take the plate away. If she is still hungry, it will only a take a couple of times of taking her food completely away to get her to realize that its not what she wants. And finally, remember she is testing her boundaries, especially with a new member around. She doesnt quite understand yet that the baby is too small to do alot of the things she can do, so talk to her and use words you would use with a child or even an adult, you would be surprized at how much they understand, and this will really help develop her language skills. My two oldest were talking before a year because this is how I talked to them. Good Luck!

Just remember, the key to dicipline is clear expectations and consistent consequences. Make sure not to laugh at her when she throws food off her highchair or climbs up on things. Sometimes it can be hard, because kids are just so cute, lol. If she does those things, remove her from the situation, and say "no." If she throws food from her highchair, take her out of it. Keep in mind, babies can understand what you say much sooner than they can actually talk. Tell her she can come back to the table when she is ready to not throw her food. When she seems calm, let her back into her highchair to finish her meal. Just some suggestions. I know it's difficult with kids as young as her, but remember, especially when she gets older, clear expectations and consistent consequences.

Hi A.,

I have a 19 month old son. I know what you mean. It is hard to discipline when they think it is a joke...hehe.

We try to be consistent and have the same consequences each time for each action. We do time outs in the same place in our home. One minute for every year of age. So, we do 1-1/2 minutes. He knows when he is in trouble when he has time out. He sits in the corner and is not allowed to move from that corner until the timer goes off. At first, he tried to get out when we would look away, but now he walks himself over there and sits down and waits for the timer to go off. We just say, “Oh goodness… looks like Gavin has a time out now…” He gets upset and pouts and cries… but, when the timer goes off we give him lots of love and explain in just simple, few words why he was in time out and what he should have done. It has not moved mountains yet… but we know he is starting to understand that his behavior has consequences. If he continues to act up, he will then go back to time out again. If it continues past two time outs, we start to think of other issues - like, is he tired, hungry, sick...

It is really hard to be consistent sometimes, especially when you have company over for dinner, or the in-laws, but it is a must. If you ignore it once, you are opening a can of worms for the next time…

Hope this helps… Good luck!
~A.

We also have a 16 month old daughter that refuses to "listen." At this point, some of those actions are to garner our attention. We have reinforced saying "No" with small actions. We also use sign language when telling her "No" and "Stop." When she begins throwing the food off of her high chair, we remove all the food. If she is fedding the dog her fiid, then we put the dog in the kitchen. We also use mini-time outs. When she keeps up with a behavior or action, I ask her if she wants a time-out. If she persists, then we sit in her a corner as we tell her that what she was doing (chasing the cat, climbing the curtains, jumping on the dog, playing witht he phone) is bad behavior. She'll cry for about a minute then sit there and pout. She now playis with the phone less and the curtains have been safe for a week.

It's all about time out :) I didn't realize it would work with such young kids, but it's fantastic. Make sure it's always in the same place and away from everyone else. A somewhat dark place is best. She'll sit there and cry for a little bit. Discovering that my daycare provider used time-outs was one of the best things that happened to my household.

Do you watch the Supernanny? The naughty chair is a godsent. I follow all of her advice with my 2 year old and it really helps. When he starts doing something wrong, like hitting the dog or throwing something, I tell him "don't hit the dog. if you do it again you will get a time out on the naughty chair." If he does it again, then I pick him up tell him that he didn't listen when I told him to not hit the dog and that he has to take a time out. It is one minute for each year old they are, so my son has to sit on the chair for two minutes. I set a timer and he knows that he can get up when it dings. Then I remind him why he had a time out and have him say he is sorry- then we always hug. If he gets up during the two minutes, I calmly put him back and start over the timer. They learn pretty quick to just get it over with and stay put. Hope it helps
K.

I am in about the same positon...expect my youngest is 19 months and oldest is 4. I am consistant with her and we have been struggling because she is so independant but it is getting better. I have been doing time outs according to age and spanking her hands. They do understand what they are doing much earlier than what we think. You might want to look at how you react to her when she laughs or how her sister reacts to the hitting situation. I am sure you have explain sorry and not hurting but renforcing it with each situation is important. She understands ouch, hurting, and what pushes moms buttons :^) You know with the food issue I tell her no and then ignore it from then on because she is wanting the attention good or bad. Also, when she is done usually is when the food is thrown or if she is not hungry. That is what we have been doing, don't know if any of this will help. Just know you are not alone!
Hugs from our house to yours.
I know we really need those some days.

I totally understand where you are at with this. It will take a little patience and teamwork. When your 16 month old does something you'd rather she didn't, get down on her level and explain that we don't behave this way and then REDIRECT her attention to another activity. She's too young to really understand what "NO" means or that you are displeased with her behavior. What she really wants is your attention, especially with a new baby in the house. Ask her to help you with the baby. She can do things like get a diaper, burp rag, binky for her sister. Expect this to be a challenge. Some of it is her age too, she's testing you. She will continue to do this but you must be vigilant and if a time out is needed, put her in her crib for a minute and then explain why she ended up there. Anyway, good luck with your little ones. I hope I was of some help.

We used to have that problem with our little girl who is turning 7 on Saturday and now our 3 yr old boy. What we did with her is to put her in a time out chair for 1 minute per age. If she got up before the timer dinged then she would have to sit again for the minute. Just follow through. Yes eventually they do straighten out but be patient, and follow through it is the biggest thing to do. If you don't then they catch on real fast and then they get away with alot more stuff.

Hi Ahlsey,

I have a 3 1/2 year old, and she use to do the same on throwing the food and climbing. I would slap her hand, not enough to hurt her and tell her no and for the most part it worked. They are fun at this age.
Good Luck, T.

I have two little ones who are 9months and 1 week apart in age.
When my oldest was 16months he use to knock his little sister down and push her. My pediatrician recommended time outs.
It works even at that young of age.
When my older one hurt the younger one I would put him in time out after the time out I would make him hug and say sorry to his sister. Time out is 1 minute for their age. 1 year old = 1 minute. 2 years old = 2 minutes and so on.

Now I have two time out chairs for the both of them. Since sometimes they get in trouble together. They are 2 and 3 years old. I hardly use them now...but every now and then they still come in handy.
Be consistent..that is the key. For every bad behavior use the time out chair. Let her know what behavior ended them up in time out and then make her apologize to you for not listening or throwing food ect... or to her little sister, if she hurt her.

My oldest boy did his times outs pretty well. My youngest daughter, I had to hold her in time out the first few times. She hated them. But now she does her time outs pretty well.

Right now the best thing is consistancy. She'll learn that you're not joking if you always correct her for the same infraction. Everytime she throws food off her chair, you need to tell her no. If you give in or laugh even once, she'll think it's a joke. Pick your battles. She should not be able to hurt her sister. I hope this helps, good luck!!

I have a 17 month old boy who literally does not stop moving. Ever. Even in his sleep! :-) We are big fans of the "naughty rug". When he disobeys (he knows what "No" means), or when he does something that he knows he's not supposed to do, he has to sit on the naughty rug for one minute. We make sure he sees us and has to watch us "ignore" him, which makes him upset. If you're consistent with it, it should work, eventually. You will have to use it fairly often, but as time goes on, it will be less. I started the naughty rug when he was 10 months old and he doesn't have to go on it as much. And he has really learned what he is allowed and not allowed to do. Sometimes, obviuosly, he still has difficulty controling his impulses to do something even if he knows he's not allowed to do it, but for the most part he behaves. And if he doesn't, it's off to the naughty rug for him! :-) You definitely want to start discipling her now (remember, discipline means "to teach", so you are teaching her the right way to behave). Also, in conjunction with the naughty rug, we also give him cheers when he does something right/good. And it works too...whenever he completes a task we ask him to do (i.e. to throw his diaper in the garbage after changing him) he'll do it and before we even clap and say "Yay!" he's clapping for himself. It's hilarious! But it also shows that he knows when he's obeying something, that he understands the concept of us requesting an action, him processing that request and completing it as directed, and he also knows that when he does that, it's good. That's why it's important to start now...as she begins to understand the proper ways to behave, her self-esteem grows, her behavior is better and she is already beginning to understand that there are rules and she needs to follow them (something we all deal with for the rest of our lives). Starting now will help her later on, it will be less of a shock when she encounters rules and expectations of her behavior.

Hang in there!

M.

hey there well i can tell u that if u dont start thm out young they will nver know what disapline is and i have 3 kids and they are something else let me tell u maybe ur husband needs to take the rolse into disaplining and be firm. i am the disaplinarian at hm and my kids laugh at me till i have my parents reinforce it. theyare ages 13,12,11 2 boys 1 girl. and my boys are the issue with me they too think its funny and its not u need to show them that u mean it.and be stern with them. my husband was raised by his grandparents and so he dont belive in disapline and i on the other had was raise that u be taught the right ways and if u did something bad or wrong u got disaplined . good luck to u guys stick with it.

I would start doing time outs. We started this with our oldest son (who is now almost 2) and he did laugh at us for probably the first month, but he finally realized (with our patience and cosistency) that he does not like to sit in time out and would stop his behaviors. We just use the stairs as a time-out spot so that we can do it anywhere, anyone's house, etc. Hope this helps!