My son is seventeen months old. Here's a brief history: birth to 7 months, he slept in the "Arms-Reach Co-Sleeper", then he slept in our bed until about 12 or 14 months...ever since then, he starts out in his crib then comes into our bed. Basically, he nurses constantly during the night and that has been disruptive. And lately, he just cries and refuses to go to sleep, even in our bed. Frankly, this is turning into a nightmare and my husband is on the verge of snapping. We are both very sleep deprived. It's a strain between the both of us and we know our son's poor sleep habits are not healthy for him, as he need he sleep too!!! FYI, we have a three-year-old boy who sleeps very well, comes into our bed in the wee hours, and sleeps heavily. So, we are not apposed to co-sleeping. It is just been so hard with our 17-month-old. Suggestions appreciated. :)
He could be teething - maybe he is getting his molars? Maybe it isn't that he is *refusing* to sleep, but rather *can't* sleep because he is in pain.
T.,
After reading your post, I'm wondering if you little guy is getting enough intake during the day? Is he going to bed full? My son and I are co-sleepers, and it's just what worked for us. But, we did go through periods where he would wake several times during the night for feedings. I had to ammend his diet and make sure that he had a bottle/cup of milk before bed with a little snack. He and I still have snack before bed if he's hungry, and he'll ask me for milk and crackers.
If he's nursing just for comfort, then you need to see those cues and make an effort to find an alternative to giving him the breast. Only feed him at night when he's actually taking milk and not just sucking. Some people introduce a pacifier at this point or another transition object like a stuffed animal or blanket that can be a source of comfort while co-sleeping. My son has a duck and a dinosaur that we bring out on night he has trouble sleeping. I started out by cuddling with him and the dino and then keeping it close at night, when he'd fuss I'd cuddle with him and the dino and eventually he'd just reach for the dino and not me.
Also, kids often stir but don't wake completely and I made the mistake of checking to see if he needed me, when he was just trying to get comfy on his own and then, he'd wake from my stirring him. So, make sure he's actually awake and needs something first.
My son is now 2.5 and it's just now that he's started to 'sleep through the night' with of course the exception of sitting up for his cup of water.
Another thing is my son started to get his 2-year molars at this age and it made sleep impossible for a good month. I ended up putting clove oil on his gums at night and Motrin every 6 hours to help him sleep. You may want to check and see if that might be an issue.
Even with co-sleeping you can help your little one find a way to be independent and find a sleep rhytmn. It's just a matter of finding a way to help him soothe himself without disrupting his cycles. Before picking him up, make sure he needs you before getting him up. Find a transition that works for everyone involved, and maybe instead of bringing him into your bed put him back in the crib or get a special cot for your room that is strictly for co-sleeping. Many use futon or mattresses on the floor.
It's not a bad habit to tend to your child's needs and help them, so don't worry about people who throw that your way. I know you need sleep and so does your little one, just be patient and work with your hubby on a game plan to make this transition time work for all the members of your family.
Good Luck!
T.,
My first son was the incredible non-sleeping, nursing endlessly boy. This article helped me tremendously: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
I'd also recommend asking your doctor if he can be tested for reflux and food allergies. My second son is allergic to dairy and soy proteins had had "silent" reflux - which is reflux minus most of the obvious symptoms. Once we got his food allergies under control his reflux pretty much resolved itself and he's been a much happier kid and a much better sleeper.
Good luck!
T.
Unfortunately, it sounds like it is time for him to cry himself to sleep and learn to self soothe. My son was doing the same things, although we nipped it in the bud at 5 months. I know how you feel, though, and you need to consider this as an option. It's hard the first couple of days, but then it works out best for everyone. Don't worry - you CAN NOT do any damage to your child by letting them figure out how to sleep. Don't let anyone convince you of that. Again, it will be hard the first couple days, but in the end everyone will be sleeping well and be happier.
The best book I've found is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. The author, Marc Weissbluth M.D., is a sleep researcher and not just spouting his personal opinion. It truly saved our lives, and I recommend it to anyone who will listen. I plan to give a copy to the parents-to-be at any baby shower I attend.
This is the same advice I gave to another mom last month...
I let my first son cry it out when he was nine months old. It was a nightmare the first night, very sad the second, not so bad the third and by the fourth night he was sleeping on his own. Every time he got sick, though, we would bring him to our bed or rock him to sleep. Once he got better we had to let him cry it out all over again. When my second son was born, my friend suggested I do it at six weeks. It took one night! Still, everytime he got sick we had to start from scratch. Don't worry, the kids DO NOT remember being left to cry. It does not damage them emotionally or otherwise, especially since you give them so much EXTRA love when they sleep well in their own beds. None of my boys has any "emotional problems with attachments" like a previous post said. Actually, all three of my boys are outstanding sleepers. I can take them anywhere and they can sleep. When we would travel, they would start to cry the first night. We would lay down with them for five minutes to help them feel secure, but then they would cry. After the first nap or bedtime in a new place, they learned to just go to sleep on their own in their own beds. Mommy and Daddy get their own beds too! Talk about a vacation!
If he cries through his entire naptime (which will probably only happen once) then let him go to bed a little earlier that night. He will be too tired to cry it out for long after all that, right? Do yourself a HUGE favor. Bite the bullet now and let him learn positive sleep habits for the rest of his life. The upside? Better sleepers make happier children and happier more rested mommies. Happier more rested parents have a better marriage and a better sex life:) There are plenty of fourth graders I know who STILL can't sleep alone. Their parents can't go out because someone has to put the kids to bed and the kids can't sleep without their moms in their mom's bed. There is something wrong about that. The marriage bed is just that. It is something sacred that the kids should learn to respect.
T.,
I saw another mom mentioned Davis Ehler and the 3-Day Sleep Solution. Not sure where you live but, Davis will be at BabyTime Expo (www.babytimeexpo.com) in Las Vegas May 2 & 3 at the South Point. If you are in the area, perhaps you can get some one-on-one time from her!
K.
Oh my - you all need some good sleep!! Contact Davis Erhler at www.3daysleep.com or get her video - your son should be sleeping in no time!! Both my babies slept 12hrs/night at 12 weeks because of her! SHE IS AMAZING!!!! I threw out ALL the books I had and her video is quick and easy to watch! It will be the best $39.99 you ever spend!! You can also do a post-DVD (after you watch it) consult w/her for pretty cheap. The gift of sleeping - PRICELESS!! Good luck!
I hate to say it, but this is what happens when you co-sleep too long. A lot of people don't like the cry it out method, but it's the best thing we ever did, but it was when my kids were 6 mos. old. A 17 month old will take longer, but it will work eventually. Good luck - you definitely need your sleep!
Same with my baby - Did the Feber method finally and correctley at 18 months. 4 days of hell at Christmas. Has slept though the night since. Naps too. Although she has tried to "work" me a bit at naps. But I just go back to the method one nap time and she is back to sleeping again. Happiness is in our house again!!!!!!!!! MUST DO!!
