Well, I Tried...based on Some feedback...to Not Be Passive aggressive...be Open

Edited response:
I've found that expectations tend to backfire – almost every time. If we expect things from another person that are not within that person's range of interests and abilities, the results leave us disappointed, possibly discouraged or angry.

That's not to say the other person can't increase his/her range, but think about the last time you found it necessary to change to meet another person's expectations. What, if anything, made you interested in doing so? And once you saw the need or benefit, was the change easy?

Or have you ever even been challenged to change? Most of us haven't, and would feel amazed or outraged that someone simply laid that on us. But we do it to each other all the time, of course. A common cause of friction, especially in marriages.

I, too, would be concerned if my husband didn't want to interact with my 6-month-old baby. But it's a common situation for daddies. Even my son-in-law, who is an utterly terrific dad to his now 4yo son, was puzzled and helpless when the baby was only a few months. It helped a lot when my daughter played with the two of them together, coached Daddy on what Little Guy liked, what he responded best to, and how to do specific things with him.

I post this only to maybe give you some hope that when your child is older, your husband will likely take more interest. I don't know why - but my husband and many others I know - just don't seem to "get" what to do with a baby. It makes them uncomfortable. They think mothers somehow "know" what to do. I recall my oldest - about maybe 2 or 3 months old - had terrible reflux and would cry. There was nothing "I" could do for her - but I just held her and comforted her and eventually she'd feel better. One day my husband was supposed to be watching her while I did chores. I heard her crying ...and crying...and crying...and crying. When I finally came to see just what the heck was going on - she was lying on the floor crying her heart out and he was sitting watching t.v.. When I said "What the h*&!@ are you doing???" He replied nonchalantly - as if it were obvious - "What? I can't do anything for her anyway." UGH! He just didn't get it - until I told him all he had to do was HOLD her - that's it - give her some comfort. OH! he said. From that point on, he was mildly better with her - but once she could sit up, laugh, giggle - became a "person" - he really started to bond. Once she could walk he was really "into" her. And when I tell you that everyone thinks my husband is "sweet" "nice" "kind" - people tell me these things - you'd never guess he'd be the guy to just lie a crying baby on the floor. Anyway, all of this was my way of just telling you - you are not alone - some (most?) guys are like this with babies - they shouldn't be - but he likely won't be this way forever - especially if you keep on him. Good luck.

I agree, I would not send my little girl to a home with a family member that doesn't have any emotional attachment to her. My husband also has some family members that like to drop their children off ALL THE TIME. As a result, my hub's mom doesn't have much time for a baby, because she is always keeping the other sibling's kids.
So instead of getting my feelings hurt I simply chalk it up to she doesnt have time for my child, and if she cared enough she would make time. Nohting I can do about it.

Now as for your husband. My husband is VERY imvolved with our 8 month old daughter. He watches her alone one day a week on his day off (cuts down on day care) he also has no qualms about having her on a weekend night so I can catch up with friends or taking her out to play for awhile so I can get housework done.
He was also raised by an emtionally absent family so while some say this is probably why your husband isnt as involved with your child I would say that this is why my husband goes out of his way tomake sur emy daughter is comfortable and happy with him. I think he remembers what he felt like as a child and doesnt want our LO to go through that.

I don't believe I've read any of your previous posts, but if my husband behaved that way, I'd be furious, too. After all, it's his child! For goodness sake! My husband knows that our son is as much his child as he is mine, and he has made an effort since my son was a newborn to spend quality time with him and figure out how to be a great daddy. I have no idea how I would deal with anything less. This isn't really advice any more than your post is a question, but I absolutely sympathize, and I hope you figure something out. Good luck.

I sounds like you have a husband who has no idea how to behave with his child because he clearly was raised by a very distant mother and, I'm guessing, a very uninvolved father. His brothers are the same way, if I read you correctly. They are doing what they know how to do. I agree it's not acceptable but I don't know what you can do about it. If Grandma is completely uninvolved and inattentive, then your child should not be there. It's not satisfying, and it's probably not safe. Your husband's issues with his mother - needing her attention or whatever - are HIS problem and not something your child can solve. It sounds like he knows he is missing something from his mom but he doesn't really know what it is or how to get it.

I think you can try to talk to your husband about what he remembers of his childhood, and/or you can go to counseling or parenting classes together. I'm sure that he doesn't really want his daughter to feel as unloved as he has felt. Maybe that's a starting point for some conversations, either by yourselves or with a counselor.

Otherwise, you have to hope that he enjoys his daughter when she gets older, and you have to hire a babysitter when you have something else to do or when you need a break. Even if your husband is home, you have to refer to the sitter at least as a "mother's helper" so that he doesn't take your daughter to Grandma's. If he watches TV while the sitter plays with your daughter, so be it.

I am assuming your child is still very young, perhaps under age 1. And, although I am not making excuses for him, you should be aware that many fathers are distant from their children during the baby stage. Maybe it's because they feel unprepared or at a loss to care for the baby, maybe they fear that they will do something wrong that will hurt the baby, maybe they feel overwhelmed and shut down... I dunno, but this 'vent' is a very common post. Rest assured, you are not alone sister!

Honestly, I don't think you'll be able to change him. I predict he won't be *comfortable* with daddy-time bonding until the baby is much older... 15 months? 2 years? Maybe it won't be until she's potty trained... I know, it sucks. And I do know, because my husband was extremely distant from our daughter when she was a little baby. He now has a great one-on-one relationship with our daughter but I swear, there was a time that I calculated that he only spent maybe 20 minutes with her each day. It used to piss me off... Look, you can let it eat away at you (which will probably result in a negative effect on your marriage--speaking from experience) or you can get past the frustration, accept it for what it is and develop different solutions.

You say you work... I assume your child is in daycare? Ask one of the daycare teachers if they can babysit for you every other Saturday morning/afternoon... That way, you get a break (to spend the time however you want), the baby is watched by a familar person, babysitting by your MIL is not an issue and your husband/marriage relationship is not under constant attack. Sure, hiring a babysitter might cost more but so will a divorce attorney (lol!)... Besides, having to pay a babysitter might get your husband motivated to be a primary caregiver to the baby--although, I. predict that's an outside chance.

You sound like you love you daughter very much and you value family interaction. It also sounds like from what your saying, that your husband may have a different family dynamic than you have based on the interpretation you give here about he and his mother's relationship. What you value in a family relationship may be different from what he is used to. You and your husband both have an investment in each other. You are a team. He may do things a little differently than you do. What about sitting down with him and talking about what each of you value about family and what you value in each other? We all interact with people (and children) based on the way we know how. Forcing someone's hand may not work, but maybe by reaching out and asking him how he views family might be a great place to start. What do you think?

I haven't read your previous post, so maybe I am way off on this. But, I am guessing that he is raising his child the way that his mother raised him. Unfortunately, it isn't up to you to break that cycle. You can't force him to spend time with his children the way that you want him too. It is very sad, but I really don't think that you can force him to change his ways. If you don't want his mother to watch her and he obviously isn't going to do it...I would find a babysitter.