4 Yr Old Won't Poop in Potty, Holding Causing Problems

Hello!

My daughter had the same problem. She would pee on the potty, but was terrified to poop on the potty. She would just walk around the house on her tip-toes holding it in if she wasn't in a Pull-Up or diaper. The "holding" would cause constipation and pain, and we didn't know what to do. She would walk around the house crying from trying to hold it in and knowing it was going to hurt when it came out (because of the constipation.) We tried potty charts and promises of treats and toys. Even the teachers at pre-school were willing to drive to the grocery store and come back with a cake just for her if she would poop on the potty, but no such luck. She wasn't going for it. We even considered hypnosis (too expensive) or taking her to a child psychologist to see if they could "cure" her fears. We were truly at our wits end!

When she was three years old we took her to a pediatric gastroenterologist to see if there was something that could be done about the holding and horrible constipation that resulted. The Specialist said there are two things you cannot make a child do...eat and poop. She said the more you emphasize the issue, the worse it will become. It will turn into a power struggle that you won't win. She said it is up to the child as to when they feel comfortable pooping on the potty. Until that time, she said not to focus on the issue and allow the diapers/Pull-Ups (only when Maddie asked for them). She said the only thing we could do is make sure the poop was soft when she did decide to finally go. We tried all of the normal remedies (apple juice, prune juice, high-fiber foods, etc.), but nothing seemed to work for her. The Specialist recommended daily doses of MiraLax (one capfull in the morning and one capfull in the evening).

On August 21, 2009 (a day that will live in infamy in our house), my husband and I were in the living room and she started calling my name. I asked what she needed and she announced that she just pooped on the potty and needed me to wipe her. My husband and I both JUMPED up and RAN to the bathroom. Sure enough, there she was, sitting there grinning from ear to ear. We all cheered and clapped. It was crazy!! We called and texted people to tell them the good news...seriously, this was a HUGE accomplishment! She said she just decided to try pooping on the potty. She saw there was nothing to be afraid of and hasn't stopped since!

Maddie was 4-1/2 years old when it FINALLY happened, so just be patient. The Specialist said it is not uncommon problem and there are even some kids in Kindergarten that hold it all day and come home and ask for a Pull-up. Hopefully, yours won't get to that point...since it does become hard to find diapers/Pull-ups to fit them as they get older.

MiraLax has been a lifesaver for us and I know it will work for you. It is a white powder that can be mixed into any drink. It dissolves completely and has no taste. It is safe for all ages, it is not addictive and you cannot overdose on it (per the Specialist.) It is not a stimulant, so it will not cause tummy aches or cramping. It just causes the body to hold more water in the stool making it softer and easier to poop. Once you start giving it to her, it will take two to three days for results. Just be consistent with the doses and he will feel much better. You can also find generic versions of it at Walmart, CVS and Walgreens. I checked with the Specialist and she said the generic versions were just fine (and cost quite a bit less!)

If you want to talk or have any question, please feel free to e-mail me. I know how frustrating this can be.

A.

I love Heather P's approach. My son was 3 /12 and refused to poop on the potty. We had some disastrous weekends of trying to force the issue. I think it was a control issue. When I finally told him that he could take his time and do it when he was ready, that mommy and daddy won't be mad, he relaxed and was doing it himself 2 days later.

For your daughter, she is now associating poop with pain. Another friend had that happen when they tried to force the potty training before her daughter was really ready. They wound up sitting on the potty and reading books like this: http://www.amazon.com/Hurts-Story-Children-Scared-Potty/d...

Hang in there, don't show your frustration to her. Been where you're at with a "poop refuser" and this site helped tremendously:
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

Remember: it is HER responsibility to poop in the potty, not yours, so don't stress, your job is to help HER work through this. This site gives logical, helpful advice to get you both through the process, it worked when my guy was 27 months, it will work for her.

{{HUGS}} one day this will be a distant memory!

First, this is treatable and you are doing all the right things. I wish our doctor had been as proactive. Keep up with the mirilax. One thing that really helped our son was showing him a drawing of his intestines and explaining how they work, then explaining what was wrong with his and why he had to take the medicine, etc...

Second, don't get angry. She's scared. Something is happening with her body that she doesn't understand. It has a name, encopresis. It is curable with her cooperation and your support.

Third, the one thing that worked really well for my son was regular "sits" on the toilet within 15 minutes of eating. He was to sit for 10 minutes and not try to go, but to allow his body to recognize when it was time to go.

if you have any more questions or need someone to talk to, you can send me a message here. I highlighted the most important things, but you are welcome to contact me for more info if you need it. My son wasn't diagnosed until he was 7yo, our doctors kept putting me off until I pushed back and insisted on seeing a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. by then so much damage had been done to his colon he couldn't feel it or smell it and I was throwing away every pair of underwear and buying them weekly.

My 4 year old was also afraid to poop in the potty, although we never had the problem of him holding it, and he never went in his underpants either. He was still wearing diapers for bedtime (still not night-trained) and he would either wait until then, or he would ask for a diaper.

For a long time I allowed that and would just put on a diaper when he asked, hoping that he would eventually come around to going on the potty, but finally realized that it wasn't going to just happen. He was truly afraid to let it come out on the potty. We had several "stand-offs" of trying to make him sit on the potty when we knew he had to go, but it just didn't work.

Here's what finally worked:
We told him he could have a diaper to do his poop, but he had to at least go stand in the bathroom to do it. At first he would stand next to the potty. Then when he was done, I would put him on the potty to take the diaper off and we would dump it in the potty.

Next step, we told him he could keep the diaper on, but had to either sit on the potty or squat over it (he didn't want to sit and was used to just standing/squatting to use the diaper). So he would stand on a step stool and squat over the potty with the diaper on. Then the same thing once he was done - sit on the potty to remove diaper and dump it in.

3rd step - When he was squatting over the potty I loosened the diaper so that it flapped open in the back so that he still felt like he had the diaper on, but the poop was able to fall into the potty out the back of the diaper. We made a big deal of the fact that it went right in the potty, and he liked that.

4th step - no more diaper, but I used a cloth (like a burp cloth/cloth diaper) to hold in front/between his legs since he was still in squatting position, not sitting and otherwise the pee would shoot straight out rather than down into the potty. From this point, we gradually got him to sit back until he was actually sitting, and then he no longer needed the cloth. At first, still with a step stool for his feet, but eventually he no longer needed that.

This whole process took about 2-3 weeks with a couple of days for each step before moving to the next step. Now he poops like a champ with no issues.

Good Luck - I know how frustrating it is!