Getting My Son to Poop in the Potty. HELP!!!

Updated on May 21, 2011
L.M. asks from Dallas, TX
13 answers

Mommies,
My son will be 3 in 3 months. He has been partially potty trained since last year. He ALWAYS pees on the potty but will NOT poop. When he was in pull ups, he would hold it at daycare all day, and then poop in the car on the way home. On the weekends we would either have him in underwear or commando and he would wait until we put a pull up on him at nap time or bedtime.
We went from pull ups to underwear 2 weeks ago (he still wears pullups at bedtime). He continues to hold it until we put the pullup on. Last night, he actually came to me with a pull up and said he wanted to put it on. I tried to put him on the potty first but he didnt do anything. As soon as I put the pull up on he did it and came and told me " I boo boo'd."
I know that this is not good for him to hold it and i just dont know what else to do. Any one been in this situation?
Thanks in Advance

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So What Happened?

Mommies,
You all ROCK!!! My big boy has been pooping IN the potty for 10 days straight. I was already doing some of the things that you all mentioned, but I just stopped mentioning it like you all said. Can you believe that this is what did the trick. I was so surprised when he first said, "I boo boo'd, come see!" :) I knew that he was ready, but I guess we were putting too much pressure on him.
Thank you so much for your help.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I would let him have the pull-up, but make him still sit on the potty with the pull-up on to poop. Or at least be in the bathroom, then once he's good about that, sit on the potty. Then cut a hole in the pull-up so the poop drops through into the potty. The next step after that is to do away with the pull-up, once he's okay with the poop going into the potty.

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M.B.

answers from Phoenix on

IF those pull pants make him poop, go along with it. But be kind about it. When he is ready, he wil know when to do the best next logical thing to do. Be easy on him. and talk to him nicely. Just say, " I know one day you will poop when you're ready.."

I used to stand by my daughter when she poops and she holds on to my legs. I like to give her that feeling that i am here for her, and I have all the time and patience to wait on her because I love her. That's all I cared at that time. And it worked.

Different kids respond differently. Some learn fast, and some don't. I learned not to rush things..

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J.W.

answers from Dallas on

Pooping in the toilet for some reason is a big scary deal. Go with the pull up, he will figure it out. I would let him poop in the pull up but then take him into the bathroom and dump it into the toilet say something about the poop going in the toilet and waving bye bye to it. I know sounds silly but... You might also be able to catch him mid poo and put him on the toilet. With my youngest we had popsicle for pooping. Poor little girl had been doing great until she was on a toilet in a public bathroom and it flushed while she was on it. Now in order to get her to use the public bathroom I have to sit on the toilet behind her. I guess really the point is they are little and this too shall pass. Do what you need to get through it but don't stress about it.

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

Girl, I was in the exact same boat with my son. He would scream and cry anytime we put him on the potty to poop. If we'd put him in a pull up, no problem!! He even held it for 4 days one time. It was horrible! My pedi said a lot of little boys go thru this. She said not to fight him on it, because we would not win. We continued to try everytime he needed to go. We offered treats. It worked sometimes. We would praise him like crazy if he did go poop in the potty. But, I have to say, he did it when he was ready, not one minute sooner. I don't know why some boys have this issue. One of my coworkers said her little started using the potty after he saw one of
his friends do it. Good luck!

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C.C.

answers from Dallas on

Been there, done that! The answer is . . . stop trying. My oldest daughter was EXACTLY the same way only we never used Pull-Ups just went straight to undies but she did it anyway. And then b/c we were in her face about it she started having really bad constipation (wound up having to give her an enema -- you so don't want to go there!). So, we laid off on the poopy potty training, gave her a couple of months of breathing space. And as she neared her third b-day we would occasionally say "wow, you're going to be 3 soon, what a big girl you'll be! Did you know that big girls go poopy in the potty?" Don't say it too often and make it casual. It really allows them to process the information and be a part of the decision to poop in the potty. Three weeks after her birthday she was completely potty trained (with a little help from a reward chart -- visuals are good motivators!).

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K.F.

answers from Dallas on

Went through the EXACT same thing last year at this time. It stinks (literally!). My daughter would go into her room and PUT ON a pull-up by herself to poop. She actually night-trained herself to save on pull-ups ('cause I said I wouldn't buy anymore). It just eventually worked itself out. I did start the whole thing of making her go into the bathroom to poop in her pull-up, then sit on the potty in her pull-up to poop. I honestly have no idea if that helped or not but it made me feel better. Good luck mama, this too shall pass!

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J.M.

answers from Dallas on

Yes, for nearly 6 months my three year old peed in the toilet and pooped in his undies and I did the toilet swish every day and sometimes twice a day and despaired and hated it the whole time, but after about 6 months, he finally just "got it" and he's been fine since. Life just got so much easier all of a sudden! Basically, my opinion is that potty training sucks and then when they're ready, they're ready, and like everything else, it's a gradual process. Good luck!

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I.M.

answers from Dallas on

it happened to me with my now 4 y.o. daughter. she was fully potty trained by two, and then right after we moved she refused pooping in the toilet. ok so im gonna keep it simple; try to see what triggered this change. Most likely hes trying to let you know something around him might have suddenly changed and hes now showing you this way. Next you will need to observe him and get to know when he is about to have a bowel movement; usually in our case mostly 15-30 minutes after a meal. remember you are retraining him, so its almost like starting over and plus without scaring him. i would go in the restroom find a comfy spot to sit and wait. when i saw she was resisting i tried explaining. i came to the silliest explanations like "toilet is sad because you dont poopoo on it anymore". lastly patience. she relapsed a couple more times and she finally did it a couple months before turning 4. good luck to you. Moms need all the help we can get. try more proffesional advice on parents.com.

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

this is normal and my 3 yr old is really scared part of him fellin the toilet when he poops. He cries and screams and wants off the potty.

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E.K.

answers from Dallas on

Try some sort of really good incentive. My kid loves jelly beans. While potty training, he got one jelly bean for peeing and 2 for pooping. We were able to half train him in about 5 days and fully train him within two weeks. We followed the 3 Day potty Training from this website: http://www.3daypottytraining.com/

I know it's gross, but you could also let him see you poop. That way he will know that nothing bad will happen. And every time he poops in his diaper, make a big deal about how stinky it is and try putting the poop from the diaper into the toilet and tell him that's where poopy goes. Remember, positive reinforcement on this! You don't want to give him negative thoughts about the potty. If you get mad at him when he has an accident, he will starting thinking that potty = bad.

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S.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hang in there. He'll get it. My little guy is about to turn 5 and JUST NOW is starting to "get" the whole poop concept. He'd do the same thing, hold it all day and poop in his underwear once he got home. If we put him on the potty, he would throw such horrible tantrums, you'd think we were pouring acid on him or something. The reward system worked a little butnit much. The main thing is just to be persistent. Put your kiddi on the potty when he gets home and make him stay there for at least 10 minutes. If he goes in his pants or pull up, try again tomorrow. Take a deep breath and know this won't last forever. Best of luck to you!

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K.H.

answers from Dallas on

It's very normal for kids to learn to pee first then poop - I read somewhere that it's that feeling of something falling out of them that freaks them out. (Weird, I know.) My daughter also does not like to "fail" - so if you sit her on a potty and she didn't poop, she felt like she failed, so she wouldn't even try it. See if you can notice a time of day when they poop and with my daughter I put a little potty in front of the tv and told her she could watch tv until she pooped, but she had to be sitting on the potty. She loves tv so it eventually worked.

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A.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hello!

My daughter had the same problem. She would pee on the potty, but was terrified to poop on the potty. She would just walk around the house on her tip-toes holding it in if she wasn't in a Pull-Up or diaper. The "holding" would cause constipation and pain, and we didn't know what to do. She would walk around the house crying from trying to hold it in and knowing it was going to hurt when it came out (because of the constipation.) We tried potty charts and promises of treats and toys. Even the teachers at pre-school were willing to drive to the grocery store and come back with a cake just for her if she would poop on the potty, but no such luck. She wasn't going for it. We even considered hypnosis (too expensive) or taking her to a child psychologist to see if they could "cure" her fears. We were truly at our wits end!

When she was three years old we took her to a pediatric gastroenterologist to see if there was something that could be done about the holding and horrible constipation that resulted. The Specialist said there are two things you cannot make a child do...eat and poop. She said the more you emphasize the issue, the worse it will become. It will turn into a power struggle that you won't win. She said it is up to the child as to when they feel comfortable pooping on the potty. Until that time, she said not to focus on the issue and allow the diapers/Pull-Ups (only when Maddie asked for them). She said the only thing we could do is make sure the poop was soft when she did decide to finally go. We tried all of the normal remedies (apple juice, prune juice, high-fiber foods, etc.), but nothing seemed to work for her. The Specialist recommended daily doses of MiraLax (one capfull in the morning and one capfull in the evening).

On August 21, 2009 (a day that will live in infamy in our house), my husband and I were in the living room and she started calling my name. I asked what she needed and she announced that she just pooped on the potty and needed me to wipe her. My husband and I both JUMPED up and RAN to the bathroom. Sure enough, there she was, sitting there grinning from ear to ear. We all cheered and clapped. It was crazy!! We called and texted people to tell them the good news...seriously, this was a HUGE accomplishment! She said she just decided to try pooping on the potty. She saw there was nothing to be afraid of and hasn't stopped since!

Maddie was 4-1/2 years old when it FINALLY happened, so just be patient. The Specialist said it is not uncommon problem and there are even some kids in Kindergarten that hold it all day and come home and ask for a Pull-up. Hopefully, yours won't get to that point...since it does become hard to find diapers/Pull-ups to fit them as they get older.

MiraLax has been a lifesaver for us and I know it will work for you. It is a white powder that can be mixed into any drink or food. It dissolves completely and has no taste. It is safe for all ages, it is not addictive and you cannot overdose on it (per the Specialist.) It is not a stimulant, so it will not cause tummy aches or cramping. It just causes the body to hold more water in the stool making it softer and easier to poop. Once you start giving it to him, it will take two to three days for results. Just be consistent with the doses and he will feel much better. You can also find generic versions of it at Walmart, CVS and Walgreens. I checked with the Specialist and she said the generic versions were just fine (and cost quite a bit less!)

If you want to talk or have any question, please feel free to e-mail me. I know how frustrating this can be.

A.

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