Disciplining a 2 Yr Old

My son will be 3 in April, and when I had problems keeping him in time outs, I would just hold him there and tell him he would have to sit until he settled down. I always explain to him that his choices cause the time outs. He does understand that. I would keep sitting him back down consistently until he just realized that it wasn't worth it to get back up. If he is crying about having a time out, I tell him he has to settle down, and I don't start his 2 minutes until he stops crying and settles down. I explain the reason for having a time out and that he needs to sit nice and not scream every time he has one, so that he understands. He seems to really understand, and it is not often that he even needs time outs anymore. If he gets a warning, usually he stops whatever he is doing (or does what I want him to do) right away. I always give him a chance to avoid the time out by listening first, so that he knows it is a consequence of his choice and not mine. The last few months counting to 3 has also started working well, if I get to 3 and he doesn't listen, he gets a time out. Now when he gets a time out, he always says he wants to listen, but I always give him the time out first and tell him it is too late, you have to listen when you are told, not when you are in a time out for ignoring me. He was doing great, but the last few weeks he has had a lot of change (started preschool, potty trained), so he is going through a phase of not listening well again, but I know that if I stay consistent he will settle down and do better when he gets adjusted. Good luck! I know how frustrating a 2 yr old can get, especially when you are the only one doing it, and working too!

Can you give some examples of behaviors you'd like to stop? Depending on what's going on, you may be able to eliminate time-outs altogether. A two-year-old can't distinguish between many of the finer points of what adults consider "civilized" living. Many things a two-year-old does are simply to find out what will happen. Also, even if you've told him "no" to something, he will keep doing it because he doesn't have the vocabulary or experiences to ask you, "Do you mean that I can NEVER turn on the stove or just now?" Another example is that you have probaby told him not to go into the street. However, he sees other people walking in the street and, at times, he walks in the street with you and it is perfectly "OK." So, he needs a way to find out exactly what the boundary is--he does this by going into the street under different circumstances to see what happens--he may try it in the morning, he may try it on a different street, with a coat on and without--do you see what I mean?

Try to imagine yourself in a completely different culture where you don't speak the language but are trying to find out the nuances of polite behavior there. You would probably come across as very rude at first, but through trial and error you would come to understand their traditions for polite behavior.

I recommend child-proofing your home as much as possible--take the knobs off the stove. Only have acceptable foods and snacks within sight and reach. Put breakable and dangerous things up and out of sight. Also, diet plays a huge role in toddler behavior. Their stomachs are small and they are susceptible to sugar and many food additives. Try to eliminate the hidden sugar in many foods (even most yogurt has sugar and/or corn syrup added) and try to avoid food dyes for a week and see if it helps.

When you're faced with a really annoying behavior, ask yourself if this is something that he will outgrow over time as his vocabulary and understanding grows. If the answer is yes, you might just want to wait it out. Choose your battles very, very wisely. Remember that you and your child are on the same side, or at least you should always try to be.

A great book to read (although it is aimed at older kids but will help you, nonetheless) is "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Faber & Mazlish. Another great book is "Your Two-Year Old" by Ames. Also "Playful Parenting" by Cohen.

I hope this was helpful. I know the "twos" can be challenging. However, if you approach your toddler with grace and emapthy, you will be rewarded when he's a teenager and you can no longer put him in a "time-out." He will remember the trust and gentleness of his childhood and look at you as an ally, not an enemy.

I agree with having a couple step process. With my son who is now seven I used this and it still works well and now I am doing it also with my two year old daughter. We first talk about things and explain why something is wrong and what the right behavior or response is. I explained that when you do something wrong you should apologize - sometimes they do and sometimes not, but at least they know the right behavior. Then we focus on something else. If the same actions keep happening after talking a few times, my children have gotten spankings or timeouts depending on the severity of the action or behavior. But we always talk first. Spankings are only given on the butt and are never given if I am mad. It is not random hitting and does not leave a mark. If my children don't sit in there timeout space, they know they will get a spanking. Like one of the other moms said, I have never had a problem administering a spanking and my kids have never reacted negatively, but I think there are certain guidelines to follow if you do make the choice to give a spanking. Also I try not to administer any timeouts or spankings in front of others. It seems a battle of wills at that point because the child is trying to impress whoever is in the room. We try to go somewhere by ourselves. I do not want to belittle my children. Even when we are in public there are always places like a bathroom or a side hall where you are not in the public eye. Kids seem to focus more and respond better that way. You should also try to coordinate with your daycare provider as consistency is key. Of course, hopefully the sitter is not administering spankings. Good luck and keep your head up. I was in your shoes not too long ago.

i use to make them stay off the rug for a few minutes because they use to go on the rug and dump out drinks or jump on couch or take all the cushions off of couch etc. etc. tell him where he can walk as a no-no. you can do it!!

This was our saving grace www.loveandlogic.com

I was ready to sell my daughter on ebay before we learn techniques to lesson teh battles.

It's the pushing of your buttons that he likes...so just keep your cool, sort of ignore him even, and keep putting him back in his spot. remind him if you have to, "no talking during time-out" (but let him laugh or scream or whatever all he wants...just no interaction) then when it's over have him say sorry and then have a hug. but the key is don't let him rile you up, because then it just wont be fun anymore and it'll stop. and when all else fails, hold him right on your lap until the time-out is over.

I have a 21 month old boy and we are having the same struggle. We consistently use time-out and have been for a month or so and are still waiting to see it work. I read in a Dr. Sears book that kids this age can't stop themselves from doing things - and that redirection is the best thing to do. I try redirecting and then if he does 'it' again I tell him TIME OUT and then I have him sit for 30 seconds or so. I don't think he gets it but it seems to be just long enough for him to forget about the naughty thing he was doing and move on to something else!

I know that it sound impossible, but you just have to keep putting him in time out. Of course he will test you some more, and try to push all of your buttons, but you just need to keep your cool and keep putting him back. I have a two year old daughter, and she has just recently figured out that I mean it when I put her in time out and that she is only extending the punishment. At first I had to practicaly sit on top of her to get her to stay.

You get a naughty chair that is used only for naughty behavior and if the child won't sit in it then you keep putting him back to the chair. We use a timer and you can tell him that the time starts when he sits nicely in the chair. Each time he gets out put him back and re-set the timer. Our daughter will cry in the chair and DH will keep re-setting the time in front of her and tells her the timer starts when she's quiet. FYI-it's a minute per year.

We don't look or talk to her if we can help it. We move all toys away so she can't play or mess with anything while in time out.

The other day my 2 year old girl was running around the house when it was time to put shoes and clothes on and she just wouldn't listen to us. We warned her that we will go and she'll go without clothes...we'll DH ended up taking her outside and she stood there looking around without anything on but her diaper. She started crying and we brought her in the house. She was only out there for a minute maybe. She now knows that when we tell her it's time to get dressed there's no goofing off. She gets dressed so we can leave. Sometimes it just takes the kid having to see it both ways in order to understand why we're trying to do what we do. Some people will not agree with what we have done but nothing else has seemed to work. I'd rather have her understand first hand that she can't get away with game playing. What we say goes. Especially after giving her several chances to do what we want her to do. Good luck.

I think you should still stick with the time outs, in a chair, or a spot ect. Just keep putting him back in the same spot, even if it takes 2 hours!
Don't say anything to him and keep calm, and in control. Keep putting him back in the spot.
Once he stays put, then set a timer.
You also have to get down to thier level and tell them why they are in time out and afterwards give them a hug :)
Good luck, 2's are a really hard age!

my daughter will be three in march. when i started using the naughty corner she would not stay there unless i held her there. for weeks i had to keep an eye on her becouse she wasnt going to stay. it took what seemed forever but now i tell her to go to the naughty corner after her 1 warning to stop and she actuallu goes into and stays there. just stick with it and dont let him know that he can sway you. it was hard but worth it.

I agree with Lisa M.
I try to treat my kid how I would want to be treated. I wouldn't want to be put into time out. IMO children should be encouraged to go to timeout when they are feeling out of control and are hurting themselves,things or others. but don't need it otherwise. I think that true natural consequenses work best for making them understand learn and move on without making the mistake over again.

Dicipline and punishment are not the same thing. It seems that most people view them as one in the same. Dicipline is teaching. In the long run I want my children to listen to me because they have learned that I have their best interest at heart not becasue they are afraid that I am going to punish them. There are so many ways to teach other than putting a child into time out.

Alternatives To Punishment
Copy this list and post it where you can see it, as a constant reminder.

Use positive reinforcement.

Create a positive environment.

Say yes as much as possible.

Save no for the important things.

Use natural consequences.

Use logical consequences.

Use restitution.

Leave it up to your child.

Compromise.

State your expectations, and get out of the way.

Give specific instructions.

Give a reason.

Offer help.

Give a choice.

Redirect your child.

Remove your child.

Make positive statements.

Give in occasionally.

Give your child time to agree.

Simply insist.

Make rules.

Ignore some behavior.

Avoid nagging and threats.

Distract your child.

Use humor.

Make it a game.

Be willing to admit your mistakes.

Stop and think before you act.

Don't make a big fuss over little things.

Stick to routines.

Don't hurry your children too much.

Get to the root of the problem.

Correct one behavior at a time.

Give yourselves time.

Use the golden rule.

Model appropriate behavior.

Think of your child as an equal.

Always keep your love for your child in mind.

From the book Natural Family Living by Peggy O'Mara, editor and publisher of Mothering Magazine

We found a high chair to do the trick for us. There was no way our 18 month old would sit in a normal chair if told to do so. We didn't want him to associate his high chair with being naughty so we got another one from a friend that folds so compactly that you could take it anywhere. So far he hasn't confused the two.

And it only works if you put the tray on it - otherwise he'll try to crawl with it stuck to him=) They are such creative stinkers sometimes.

Good luck.
J.

Dear J.,
You have to just keep being consistant. Soon your Son will come to realize that it is not a game that he can win. It is extreamly agravating, but just hang in there, like I said, he will come to realize he cannot win! GOOD LUCK!

C. M.